I hate it. For a variety of reasons. I have tried not to be a jerk about it though because he is a grown up and gets to call the shots in his own life--that is how I would like to be treated so that is how I will treat him.
I was very tolerant of it when it was one or two cigarettes while we were out late at a bar maybe once or twice a month. Fine, whatever, I can handle that. Plus the bars here are smoke free, so he had to go outside away from me. Fine. But it is many more now, approaching a half a pack a day, and I don't like it. Especially as he has taken to smoking inside.
I hate it because it bothers my sensitive eyes that if not actually allergic to smoke are very sensitive to dryness and irritation.
I hate it for all the regular reasons of it smelling bad and tasting bad and just being kind of gross and icky.
I hate it because the fact that he totally ignores the fact that I hate it seems so flippant and kind of rude. I mean, seriously, just take it outside dude. And for the love of God at least brush your freaking teeth after you get done.
I hate it because my towel in the bathroom smells of it, as does the cloth shower curtain, and I fear the scent will waft further to my pillow and the sheets and my clothes and the couch.
I hate it because I fear he is using this addiction to cure his other addiction which seems awfully counterproductive and just a postponement of dealing with the actual problem rather than getting down to the business of solving the problem.
I hate it because it feels like a lie or a trick. I didn't start dating a smoker. I dated a non-smoker who turned out to really be a very rare social smoker who is fast becoming a serious smoker with a habit. This feels very unfair especially since I am working through many other things I hadn't bargained for (although granted so is he), the least he could do is work at quitting.
I hate it because he is always quitting in the same way the stupid cartoon character Cathy is always about to start a diet tomorrow. And I now even hate the lie that he is quitting. I am sorry but you are or you aren't. It isn't a complicated difference and at this point intentions-schmententions.
I just hate it. I hate it I hate it.
I. Hate. It.
Where's Beebo?! There she is!!!
11 years ago
13 comments:
At first when I was quitting things, I gave myself smoking as that one release. But then I quit that, too. Now my release is coffee. I will drink as much of that as I want. But that's not as harmful, offensive or avoidable as someone smoking all the time.
Have you considered grabbing his pack when he isn't looking and dipping the butt of each one in something faint, but foul?
I don't envy you. What a difficult situation, and I think you've hit the nail on the head here with your objections. Of course, since I'm asthmatic, I would be at the point of "cigarettes or me, dude. Your choice," as soon as they came indoors, because they could kill me.
Good luck to you in finding your way through this whole hard, scary, frustrating point in your life.
He says he "hates" it too. And I do think he intends to quit, but I am very impatient about this, and I feel I would be much more patient if he smoked outside his apartment instead of inside.
Ew, smoking inside is gross. You tell him!
Probably a stupid question, but have you asked him to only smoke outside?
Yes, yes I have repeatedly asked him to smoke outside.
His response is that because he lives in a weirdo modern highrise, if he smokes next to the vent in the bathroom while some of the main windows are open, the design of the building is such that the smoke is literally sucked into the bathroom vent and sent away.
That is fairly accurate because if I take a long hot shower with the bathroom door closed but an exterior window open, the bathroom does not fog up (it gets a crazy draft but no steam), but if exterior windows are closed I can make the little bathroom rain from condensation.
HOWEVER, I still smell the smoke. It doesn't make the smoke cease to exist, it just minimizes it, but it is still there.
i hate it too when he does and i dont know how to deal with it:(
Heather... My exact exact words.
I totally get what your saying. I can't handle it!?
I'm sorry for both of us
I randomly came across this blog post seeking out other people who feel the same way about their boyfriend's smoking. My boyfriend smokes, only problem is, he was always a smoker since I met him. I've always hated smoking and thought it was absolutely disgusting. We started dating eventually and I tried to tolerate the smoking but just couldn't anymore. I would bury my head under blankets and he still wouldn't do anything about it. Finally I told him I don't want him smoking around me anymore (he smoked inside his car and his apartment). Since I was staying at his apartment a lot he would go outside every time he wanted to smoke. His apartment was disgusting, covered with dust and everything in it smelled like crap. Now we live together and he's told me countless times he was going to quit, he even pretended like he was quit but would go behind my back. Now, even though I know he's still smoking, he doesn't bring his cigarettes anywhere in my sight, doesn't smoke around me no matter the situation and only does it outside. If he's outside and I come out to where he is, he immediately puts out his cigarette. I wish he'd quit completely because the smell is still on him when he comes back inside, but he'll get there. Hopefully!
My boyfriend just recently started smoking tobacco and cigars, I'm so disgusted with just the thought. its not only the smell, but the fact that the man who raised me (my grandfather) passed away 4 years ago due to cancer from smoking. I've talked to him a multitude of times about this yet he still just says "its a social thing, I only do it with friends, and he says he doesn't do it that often" I do trust him. I really do. I'm still young (18) and I just don't know how or what to say to him any more about it. I just don't want him to keep smoking, I know I can't tell him what to do. I just wish he could see how much it hurts me. I relate smoking with my grandfathers death. I can't help that. But is there any way you could help me either find a way to talk to him or give me some advise?
He isn't a smoker anymore, and he is my husband. It took a while and several tries before he quit, but he finally got there.
The average person takes 19 years and something like 11 tries to quit smoking. If anyone is feeling stressed out about a relationship like this, you have to ask yourself if it is a dealbreaker. It is ok if it is. It is ok if it isn't. It is even ok if is isn't until suddenly it is. You cannot make other people change. You can control how you choose to react to or deal with the behavior of others. That's all I got.
I hate smokers! The ironic things is, I used to be one. I met my boyfriend as a smoker, it was easy to date a smoker and I enjoyed it at first. Then I got sick and believed smoking was the cause, so I quit. My boyfriend still smokes and I can't handle it anymore. I'm on the verge of breaking it off and we have been dating for 6 years. I feel guilty even thinking about it, but I find it unfair and selfish of him to want to commit his life to me, but still smoke. I'm at a crossroads and am perplexed in dealing with this situation. I want to live a clean healthy lifestyle and I ned my partner to do the same.
I'm dealing with the exact same situation! I am a social smoker as well. But I have never smoked inside my apartment! it's gross, even if the window is open the smell sticks to the furniture, walls, everything!
My boyfriend started smoking more and more often. It's his decision right? He used to smoke outside but now he wants to smoke in the bathroom! just because he's paying half rent he thinks he has the right to do it
I have tried to many times explaining, asking, even begging ... but he seems just to ignore me. After all these months living this hell i realized that no matter how many times i insist, he's not going to quit doing it.
I'm considering to leave him :(
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