Pissed

That's me right now pissed! In descending order I am pissed with my mom, Patrick, and my sister, and all of it really is Patrick's fault. He broke up with, so I had to tell my family--I kind of put my sister to do it since she lives with my parents and she was the only one answering the phone on Easter. However, last Monday I called my mom to tell her since she had left me an irrepressibly perky message on my answering machine (just what I had wanted).

Anyway, I ended up leaving a message on her machine saying that Patrick and I broke up, and that she should call me soon. That was Monday. It is now Sunday. Have I heard from my mother? Ahhhh, no. No I have not. WTF?!! She is my mom, and now that I am 26 there isn't a whole lot left for her to do in that capacity, however the main job left is to be a shoulder to cry on when my life is sucky. That would be now. My life is sucky now. The man that I love broke up with me, and it hurt a lot, and she is supposed to be there for me, and she didn't fucking call me back.

Admittedly, I might be more pissed at her then I ought to be as a nice change at being pissed at Patrick and/or being a terrible puddle of tears because I miss him so much. I realize my mother may be catching some misdirected feelings, but at the same time I think I am legitimately pissed at my mother.

Then enters my sister into the predicament. I called her the other night to bitch about my mother, but she only called me back this morning. Guess what she did? That's right she fucking defended my mother!!!! She had some valid points. Point A is maybe my mom hasn't checked her messages for a week, but that just makes her careless, and you shouldn't get a free pass for that one. Point B is maybe she thinks I am overreacting since I tend to be 'melodramatic' or 'overdramatic' over little things. However, I feel being dumped by the man you love would quite obviously fit into the actual serious event category and not the hysterical for no good reason category, and it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see the distinction there. Sucking at being my mother is again something that shouldn't let you off the hook. Point C (my favorite) is that maybe she was distracted when she listened to her messages and didn't hear the part about me being broken hearted. Here is the killer, fucking ignoring me or really not listening to me; not a good way to be there for me. Not a good way for my sister to convince me that maybe mom isn't doing this maliciously to me. I didn't think she was, but I do think she is falling down on the job of being my mother.

That's why I am pissed at her and my sister. All I need is a mom who will tell me (even if I think it is a lie or empty fucking words) that everything will be okay. A mom who will offer to send me cookies in the mail or something else simple yet significant in their meaning, their attempt at consolation. All I need is a sister who will be on my side. I am not saying I am not irrational at this moment or even overdramatic, but I got a dumped 9 days ago. I have had 9 days of being heartbroken, and I think that means I still get to be pissed and hurt without yet being pathetic especially to my family. I don't think that is too much to ask.

God dammnit! I hate this. I want things to start getting better, something, anything. Please? I just want it to be better or at least improving. I just want some improvement. That's all I want.