I have a job

That's right. I have a brand new job, and I start in a week and a half to two weeks. It is my roommate's old job (she actually has it right now, but is about to be promoted). I will be a receptionist and office helper at a screenprinting company. They seem fun and informal (I will get to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work, yes!). It is a little bit of a raise which is good, and I will qualify for my new benefits in thirty days.

BTW, this makes Renee my hero of several weeks.

I have a job interview

It is tomorrow for my roommate Renee's current job. It will mean a pay increase, and regular hours if I get it. It will also be actual office job credentials, so in a year (more or less) I could parlay this into a real office job downtown with much better pay. We shall see. Wish me luck.

I am that kid

At work. I am that kid. I am the one that does all the crazy stuff. Like this morning when I climbed a ladder while carrying a barstool. I have a nifty science down for it. What I do is turn the chair upside down and put the seat on my head with the back down my back, and then I use one hand to climb the ladder and the other to steady the chair on my head. Some days, this is the only way you can get things done quickly, so I do it. I was trying to figure out how to climb a fixed ladder (on a wall) with a box of cushions , but someone came in so I just had them hand them up to me.

Everyone else thinks this is strange or funny, and they sometime worry about my safety. I think this is a result of my MFA. Well, I have been fairly phisically fearless for a while (not stupid, but I evaluate the risk), but animal class and Paul's class sort of pushed that to the extreme, so did McB. All that ladder climbing in capes makes me do silly things at work.

Happy Chinese New Year

So my wonderful friends Angie and Sara Jo braved the cold way down in Chinatown to watch the Chicago Chinese New Year's Parade. Like all Chicago parades, it would've been better if there were less people running for office in it.

It was fun. I liked the marching bands and the dragons (although there could've been more), but it was very cold. I lost my toes somewhere during the afternoon, and it would've been better warmer, so I don't think that I will go back unless it is like 75 degrees next February.

Sore

My thighs are sore in a weird way, and I am convinced it is from walking in the deep snow. There are crazy drifts and shifty piles I must cross to get to work, and to cross them you grip the ground with your leg muscles in a different way then they usually are used when you walk. They hurt and ache in that way that muscles do when they are being newly used.

I had some big philosophical question to ponder that I was tossing about at work, but now I cannot remember. Now I am being distracted by Ken Burns' "The West" just watched Sitting Bull get killed and the Battle of Wounded Knee.

I was actually naseous

During Grey's Anatomy, the drilling in the head business was kind of making me sick. I had to look away and let my roommate tell me when to look back. And (spoiler alert) I for sure do not believe Meredith is going to die no matter how much they want me to think it. She's not dying. Shonda, for real, you do not have me fooled. I am not even worried (though Derek and and McSteamy all being mcCuddly was seriously tugging at my heart strings). And ohs no Izzy did not just say that!!!!

Not much else happening here in my life. I am going to clean some room and do some laundry tomorrow. We shall see.

She made it

My aforementioned friend did in fact make it into Midway last night at around 9:30pm, which was only five and a half hours late with a detour to Tennessee. Not bad, I guess considering all of the crazy weather delays of yesterday and today.

Happy Valentine's day all!

Excercise in Futility

I did not go to the museum today because of the blizzard conditions, not to mention the small snow drift outside my door. This made me a little whiny and cranky, but I still had stuff to do. I agreed to go and meet my friend Angie at Midway today. There had been some delays and stuff at the airport, but by mid afternoon some flights were still getting in, and when I checked the Southwest website, her flight was in the air and early. It seemed crazy, but who knows?

I get all bundled up, and I go out. Walking in tall powdery drifting snow takes a lot of effort, and it is best to go at it fast and furious to keep your momentum built up. So I sort of power through three and a half blocks to get to the train, and I arrive soaked. I take the brown line all the way into downtown, and then switch to the orange line which I take to its endpoint at Midway. The whole trip is an hour and fifteen minutes, and I should be hitting baggage claim at the same time as Angie. However, the level above baggage claim, I check the monitors for information about her flight, and somehow in the last 85 minutes her flight went from being twenty minutes early to an hour and twenty-five minutes late. Great.

Down I go to baggage claim--which is crowded with all sorts of people--and I pull up a seat (because I thank goodness find one) and read my book. Her arrival times pass, and I am still curled up with Scandalmonger by William Saffire which is cool because I really need to finish it before it goes back to the library, and it is super long for how little I read now that I no longer ride the train to work. Then Angie calls me--from Nashville. She is stranded there with no idea what she is supposed to do since she no longer has a boarding pass (they took it when she boarded). They got rerouted there when they couldn't land at Midway. So, I turn around and take the long two train trip back to my apartment as well as the hard working hopping it takes to get home since more snow had accumulated in the two hours that my airport adventure consumed. I can't wait to walk to work tomorrow since no one here bothers to scrape their sidewalks (however the walking and the horrendous driving conditions did make me very happy that I didn't try to go to the stupid museum).

Angie did call me just a few minutes ago saying that she got on a plane in Nashville that should, maybe, get here tonight. She was waiting to take off.

A Couple of Things

Stupid cheating museum. Tomorrow is free day at the Museum of Science and Industry, and I was going to go for a couple of reasons. One of them was that the last time I went there was a small child in our party who wanted to run down the long sloping hallway to the U-boat instead of walk slowly and watch every second of History Channel-esque footage and read every word of all of the supporting material (in his defense he was in Kindergarten and maybe couldn't really read) about it. It kind of killed me to be forced to do that. Also, Bodyworks is showing there, and I thought wouldn't it be great just to pay the part of the admission for Bodyworks instead of general admission plus Bodyworks. However, stupid museum heads charge $18 to go see Bodyworks on free days instead of $9.50 which only saves $1.50 from seeing it on a regular price day. Stupid. Anyway, so instead I am going to see if I can get a museum pass from the library, so I can go see it some day that costs money (like this Saturday with my roommate and her cousin Rick) and get general admission free and then pay $9.50. Stupid museum. Can I say that again?

Had a wonderful time this weekend meeting Jeff Davis. Well, really meeting him. We have met very briefly a few other times, but this time we all hung out with Azar. He is hosting a double feature of "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" and "Newsies" at his house this weekend (which is in a high rise and has a very nice view).

Also, why is it we only have 'don't leave your house or travel unless you absolutely must' days on my days off when I want to do stuff? Seriously, weather? But, no matter what I will venture out to pick Angie up at the airport. I love that city life is the only place where 'picking someone up' from the airport has nothing to do with automobiles since what I am doing is taking the train to the train to the airport and back helping to pull rolly suitcases. Although with the weather being how it is, we'll see if they let Angie land.

Brilliance and not really

Final episode of season one of "The Wire" is pure brilliance. A complete and fantastic episode on its own while eloquently mirroring the original of the series bringing a degree of closure while leaving many, many doors wide open. I cannot wait for season two. (Also, Det. McNulty joins the parade of bad boys I have a hankering for of late because Dominic West is a fine man and a fine actor).

Saw a show at Steppenwolf tonight, Pinter's Betrayal. Two outstanding actors, one okay actor, and a show that was just fine. Nothing special, just fine. Too bad. Also, I am not sure that I would like an actual production of the play in its entirety, possibly ever. It is far too choppy and disjointed. Not bad, just abrupt in person, in a way that it isn't when I power through it reading it by myself. Anyone seen a good live version of it?

Oh, belated hero of the week, Herbert because I will miss him when he leaves Pier One.

Clearing things up

I am not quite as sad or pathetic as the boyfriend/potential husband gathering entry of the other day. It spiraled out of control with the Jenny and the Lauren not just mocking me as expected. Really mostly Jenny with the being serious when I was almost 100% sure she would be the most mocking (c'mon girl are you falling down on the job, did you retire?)because well that used to be what she does.

Tomorrow I get to spend all day with my favorite crazy Persian, and tonight I get to spend with the final episode of season one of "The Wire" which I have come to quietly love. As Lauren says, "They are all so brilliantly fucked up." They are. The ensemble is full of brilliant generous actors who revel in their characters humanity, and it is an unusual brand of humanity for television because everyone has flaws and everyone has beauties, and the writers don't allow any one side to be favored over the other. Neither the cops nor the drug dealers are heroic, but neither are they villains. They are people who struggle to do what is best, sometimes for themselves and sometimes for the greater good. Sometimes they just struggle.

All five Oscar nominated best pictures in one day, in one theatre

Yeah, so I really think this is a brilliant idea and I really want to go. It is $30 and it is all of them, plus free large popcorn and free large drink, refillable all day long. It is kind of my idea of heaven. Although I don't think anyone would go with me (well anyone who lives here, my friend Bryce would so go with me but he is in Olympia), and this seems just too nerdy to do alone. But really, all five in one day. Heaven, total and utter heaven!

So much stuff, so little time

I really don't understand how most of the rest of the world gets things done. I never seem to have enough time to really do things. Actually, I probably do, but I love tv and sleep and the internet too much to have a ton of extra free time. I was going to go to two museums today, but now I will only go to one. Plus I will hang out with my friends Sara and Kristy, so I guess that ain't nothin' but it is less then I had planned. Perhaps my plans are unrealistic? Or maybe I am tainted by my younger days when I did a ridiculous amount of crap--although that was before I had the internet and I almost never watched tv then.

In defense of the internet, I love the blogs I read daily. They make me feel like a part of a community--sometimes of strangers but more often of friends, the very friends who read this blog--and they are my daily news and entertainment. The movies I watch from netflix and blockbuster are important to me as well. I started watching copious amounts of movies in high school when I got my license. I rented every classic movie "Crazy Mike's Video Store" had (granted that was like 65 movies), and I watch lots of award nominess and critical favorites. My netflix queue is over 200, and that is only probably only half of the movies I want to watch. It has been a goal of mine to see and know as many movies as possible--focusing on critical favorites and classics and even cult classics. That may be a weird goal, but it gives me a great deal of pleasure, so spending my days off watching 6 hours (on average) of movies isn't a waste of my time. It is working towards a goal. Now watching 5 hours of City Confidential on A&E, that's probably a waste of time, but the voice over is so lulling I cannot change the channel.

Umm, so that above was probably for myself as much as for any of you. Shout out to Jim and Donad for giving me credit for my Nathan prescience. Also, I am very sad this week because Herbert and Kristy are both leaving me at Pier One. In the next week. Two of my favorite coworkers gone. It won't be the same without them. It should motivate me to find a more financially rewarding job, so that I can start actually paying off my student loans and be able to live my life at the same time. Actually if I had posted yesterday, it would've been a long post about how just when you start to get your life in order it gets all fucked up again. Or if not fucked up, it just runs right off the track you had laid for it. I just want it to be easier. I just want someone else to take care of everything for me, so that I can spend my days watching movies. This is perhaps too much to ask. Some days I wonder if I wouldn't be happier living back in the tri-cities, married to some good Catholic boy watching movies and Oprah, and occasionally teaching and directing for ACT and maybe CBC and Hanford High School? I am of course missing the good Catholic boy, but I hear David Bruce is still single. I don't actually think I want that, but maybe I should go on a date with one of the eligibles my mom and her friends think would be good for me when I go home this summer? After the date, it should pretty well clear thing up right? Most likely, I will hate the very idea of being tied to him all the time, or I will be head over heels and all problems solved. Or none of the above because quite frankly we all know life is much more complicated then that.

I wonder who (other then the Bruce) my mom and her friends would hook me up with? Lauren and Jenny feel free to post potentials in the comments that would make me laugh or be serious or both.

In a commercial

Not me, of course. But Brian Smith was in a Bud Light commercial during the freaking super bowl. For those who missed it or are unfamiliar with my fellow CMS Mule, Brian was the tall groomsmen in the Bud Light commercial who hired the auctioneer for the wedding. I went to school with him, he was my Benedick to my Beatrice in advanced acting in undergrad. He's a good guy and now he was on during the super bowl.

On a much angrier note, stupid Chicago CBS did not play the extra special good episode of Criminal Minds after the game. They played post-game shit because apparently they missed the part of the game where the Bears lost. Infuriating. I am writing my local CBS affiliate a nasty letter. Stupid, stupids.

Fuck it is cold!

That is really all I have got. It is cold inside our fucking house. It is cold outside, and there are major warnings to cover all skin if you MUST leave your house and limit time outside to less then thirty minutes at a time. Fuck me. I don't want to go to work ever again if possible.

What is the difference between nine degrees and nineteen?

One means your snot still stays liquid as it drips down your nose, and the other means it freezes or congeals onto the inside of your nose and there is stays on your walk to work. It is bitterly cold here, and it will only get worse this weekend (which means the frozen thermometer is the weather icon for Sun. forecast on my forecastfox). My plan is to not leave the house tomorrow. I will do my taxes, do some apartment cleaning, watch some movies, and basically wrap myself into a blanket for the whole weekend--my roommates have the same plan.

See you later, decorator? Seriously?

I cannot believe that that is their tag line for Top Design. It is so awful it hurts me a little in my heart, but I am so using it on crap-headed designers who come into our store and are meany-faces. Anyway, I hope that show gets better.

And Marcel (or whom I like to call Teenwolf--thanks to ALOTT5MA, my favorite blog) has lost Top Chef mostly because he cannot play well with others. That goes out to you Jenny, fan of the dreaded teenwolf (although Ilan is kind of a brat too, he just has enough social skills to not be a brat to people's faces, Marcel has almost no social skills).

I think my alarm clock doesn't like my radio station

My clock radio has been tuned to a top forty/greatest hits of the 80's, 90's, and 00's station since I got it a few months ago. It has a really funny morning program, and it plays lots of music I like and very little music that makes me want to throw it against the wall when it goes off. It has been getting a little static-y lately, slowly but surely. Plus it tends to become just static if I get too far away from it or stand up near it (who knows with the magical airwaves). Then a few days ago, it cleared itself right up. Which was awesome, but it also was on a different station. This time it is an alternative radio station (so still playing music I like but a little bit harder then my pop usual choice). Admittedly it is a very mainstream alternative music station, so it is essentially the greatest hits of the alt rock genre in the last decade and a pinch. I guess it was just sick of playing pop music.

It is getting really cold here. Both my face and my legs were stinging cold after the walk to work, and I took a bus home--which didn't really lessen my walking all that much but it did allow for me to walk down streets that had a lot less wind blowing in my face. Plus I rented the Spike Lee Katrina documentary at my Blockbuster (where it let me off).

Hero of the week: my mailman for bringing me the Sims 2, so that I can play it. I may or may not have been so silly as to make myself a sim-Henry Rollins who is married to a sim-me and given sim-me and sim-Henry two kids, a teenage boy and a cute little girl. I may or may not have been that silly.

"Please release unspecial Ando"

Or, "I will be in charge of who I am in love with if you don't mind." Those were the key quotes from my evening of tv watching last night. I heart Hiro and Masi Oka, and there was a double feature of him last night (even if he only had about 30 seconds of him in Studio 60) I am liking studio 60 more and more the less they show me the actual sketches. I am more ready to believe a fruit of the loom sketch is funny just by watching the actors struggle in their costumes back stage because my imagination will assign it more potential then the actual sketch may prove to have.

I love Heroes even in lame episodes, and Masi Oka is responsible for a lot of it. "I am special!" was hilarious. He cracks my shit up, and he has a wonderful partner in Ando.

I should be on freaking design on a dime

We redid my friends Angie and Sara's apartment this weekend, without buying or painting anything. There living room is now officially very cozy and cute. All of their other rooms have been all rearranged too. We really ought to have done before and after pictures, the results were so dramatic.

Well timed buses

I have finally cracked the magic code that is the owl Belmont bus that stops near Jon, Angie, and Sara's house because it took me a little less then a half hour to get home last night including 3/4 of a mile of walking. Awesome. In sadder news, Jon has headed back to Idaho for a stint at the Boise Shakespeare Festival. I will miss him, but as I told him yesterday that I am only letting him go because he is coming back with more people I like (that means you Daigle and Chris Plummer). I have decided people may temporarily move as long as they come back in multiples.

My sinuses seem to be unwilling to fully drain lately, even when I take my loratadine all regular like, but then when I do that I feel really dehydrated unless I drink so much water I pee every five minutes. That balance is a hard thing to strike.

Plus I am very excited because it looks like I may be able to get really cheap tickets to get to go see Paco de Lucia play flamenco guitar at the Chicago Symphony. It will be awesome. He is world famous genius of new flamenco. I cannot wait.

I have been watching a lot of the Wire and some Ken Burns documentaries lately. The Wire is a really fascinating complex little show. I kind of love it becuase the characters are so human and fallible in a believable sort of way. You don't always feel like you have to like them to stay with the show, but they are normal enough that you are at least a little involved in the stories. It is way good. The documentaries are me being the world's biggest nerd and liking stories about the wild west. Hmm, well. Later I am going to go watch movies with Sara and Angie.

Funny and thanks to Jenny

How to make a

Ingredients: 5 parts competetiveness 5 parts crazyiness 5 parts ego

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Yesterday

I was watching CNN before work yesterday morning, and I caught the weather report. It was the one they have in the mornings that highlights which portion of the country will be experiencing "America's Worst Weather." Yesterday it was here in Chicago. Now I knew it was going to be cold, so I was all layered up for the day with cuddle duds and two sweaters, so I was prepared for the fierce cold that earned my portion of the Midwest that dubious honor. However, outside was a whole different thing. It was definitely cold, but it was a beautiful day otherwise. The sun was shining so brightly and the sky was clear, and it was fairly still--wind-wise--for Chicago It was as nice a day as it could be with a high of 24 degrees. So, of course I ran all kinds of errands and trudged around in it for probably two and a half miles, maybe three miles of walking in one day.

The Wii is Waay fun

I was over at Kristy and Mike's hanging out, eating banana cake, and playing Warioware Smooth Moves on the Wii. Quite frankly, it was way more fun then any weird Japanese things should ever be. I could play it all the time forever. Who knew I was such a monster at throwing imaginary ninja stars? And you watch it because I could saw you in half in like half a second. However, me and imaginary driving is not really perhaps a good idea. Overcompensation seems to be the rule. Anyway, Donald and Margaret and whoever else has a wii out there, get this game. It is great. And than you Kristy and Mike for letting me come over and play.

I almost forgot. I made a mii on the wii, and it wears a blue dress and has curly hair and glasses.

American Idol, sigh

I kind of cannot handle the sheer delusional ridiculousness of the audition episodes. The people in it hurt me. Presumably, they watch the show, so they should know what they are putting themselves up for in an audition. Why then are the shocked when they aren't sent on? I can understand being shocked to get sent to Hollywood since so many people don't get through. Like Randy says, they are looking for the best, not just anybody with a nice voice or a serviceable church choir voice. Although, it did get Renee the quote of the night, "I love it when white boys sing! Especially soul."

Hanging out

I spent the day with my friend Johnny B today. He is getting ready to leave us Chicago types for a stint back in Idaho, acting up a storm with the Idaho Shakespearience. Yeah, they are clever down there in Boise (in case you are wondering the Shakespearience is a traveling cutting of a Shakespeare play for junior high and high school kids because that wasn't obvious without an explanation).

We just sat around and talked for a while, and then we went to the airport to pick up one of his best friends from home who is here to visit and drive cross country with him. It is interesting to see someone you know well interact with someone you know not at all but that they know well and that they have known well far longer then they have known you (have fun with that parade of pronouns). You learn lots of things that way; bits of how they got to be who they are, bits of parts of them that you never see, and just more of them. Plus it often involves laughing very hard. John's friend Tyson is great and just the kind of old friend of his from Boise I would imagine. It was fun, plus I got to see some more Angie and Sara Jo too.

Sometimes you can miss something that you have always had

I work with a great friend of mine named Kristy, but since we are sort of the rocks of the associate team, we don't actually get to work together a lot. Often we are both working on only three days a week, and lately since hours have been trimmed, we may not even be at work during the same hours. Anyway, we haven't seen each other much. Today, we hung something like 12 rugs up on our rug displayer--a job that meant that I am covered in jute and woolen bits and so are my nasal passages. It is a two person job with one person lifting from the floor and the other clipping it to sliding panels, and it is actually a pretty sucky and strenuous job, but today it was the most fun ever. We just were wacky and laughed a lot, the way you do with good friends you enjoy. This makes Kristy my hero of the week. She moves to San Diego in a few months, and I will miss her; I will miss her very much. I am also thrilled to go over to her house on Thursday and hang out after work.

I made an online quiz

It was kind of fun, and so far my current roommate has done the best on it. It makes me laugh to read the questions and see the answers that people give on questions that I thought were easy or conversely that they would have no idea about.

If you would like to take it, you can go here:http://www.testriffic.com/friendtest/1789318

There is a reader board of the leaders on my my space page, but whatever.

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping through the night lately. I keep waking up around three or four AM no matter when I go to sleep. I went to bed super late and woke up a few hours later then, but I also went to bed normally and woke then. I just don't know. Maybe it is because of my dreams. I kind of remember having bad dreams. Not nightmares, not that kind of bad, mostly just unpleasant in a slightly realistic sort of way. I guess. I don't know.

YESSSS!!!

So I love being reattached to the internet. I love it. My new computer is way the fuck faster then my old one. I guess that is what comes of being a dual processor, or having one or something--I do not speak this form of nerd. However, the buttons on the 'mouse' are in just a different enough place to confuse me, and it is weird that the keys aren't all worn smooth on all the home row letters and common letters. But it is shiny and bright and I can burn CDs and DVDs and I am wirelessly connected to the internet which means I can IMDB from right in front of the TV!!!!! Although I have been warned that using the computer while watching TV will get me in trouble with the roomies. Although really, I mostly watch complete and utter crap on the TV, so if they want to watch something else they could just say. Unless it is a new episode of one of my shows, but some of my shows are also their shows, so they are watching it anyway, or it is House which had to be given up for Gilmore Girls way earlier this season (which is fine since I am already committed to buying it on DVD anyway. Plus I can watch almost all of everything on the internet now, so it really is no never mind. They should realize this. I do like to hold the remote control, but it is fine to tell me it is their turn with the TV.

New Computer

I did it. I sucked it up and bought a brand new laptop that may be some kind of wonderful. I don't get to play on it until after work (ensuring it gets a full charge before I go full boar).

I also got a rerouted Christmas Card from Ken and Mandy, so they get added to that list. And I was/am charmed by all the affection in the comments during my brief technologically enforced hiatus.

RIP my computer

Okay, so its time of death has not officially been called, but it won't go past start up without freezing and making bad noises. So, I am not using it, thus the lack of posting and commenting. Umm, am in the market for a new laptop since I will be getting a stupendous refund this year, and will be using the portion that was to go to a trip to Florida on a new computer and some of the portion that was to go to paying down debt on it too. Oh well. Anyway, trying not to rush into buying a new one, but I might have a bead on a good one today on clearance at best buy. We shall see. I am sure I will post very soon if I get me a brand spanking new laptop.

Postscript

I just cut my own hair, again. This DIY attitude toward my hair is really kind of working for me. I am not sure exactly what this one will look/be like once it is dry, but it feels healthier--the first thing I did was trim it about one inch all over. My last self haircut was last June, and it looked really good and people loved it (although eight inches was a pretty drastic change). This one isn't quite so drastic, although there is more of a sweep of bangs,except not really bangs so much as a shorter bit that can be swept aside or linger across the face. Hopefully it will look nice. I will post some pictures later this week after I can dry it some.

pigs and candles

My roommate Janna is engaged. . .to a candle. They made their love official last night in the kitchen as we laughed and talked and got just a little tipsy. It was pretty funny, but I could see why she fell. He is a good-looking candle. I will post a picture later this week

Also, we were all going through and sharing old photos, and I came across one from my FFA hog showing days. It is pretty hilarious, but he was a beautiful hog from the summer after my sophomore year in high school. We decided it needed to be added to the mess of coupons and cartoons and crazy magnets on the refrigerator, so we put it right up there in the middle, next to the fah-q, and the fah-golf (thanks Carlin, we'll always have the memories).

Guitar Serenade

On the way home tonight, I was serenaded by two early 20's aged guys. They were standing outside their apartment in the light mist playing a guitar, and as I came closer they began to sing about me. It went something like this, "Hey miss lady, walking down the street. We're playing guitar outside." It was very sweet and one of the reasons I love living in the city.

My roommates were watching the very end of "The Wedding Singer" and I sang some really terrible Billy Idol karaoke in my living room. It was tons of fun.

Something to ponder

If young men are said to 'sow their wild oats' does that mean that young women 'gather their wild oats' or 'collect their wild oats?' And isn't that kind of a weird and perhaps a little disgusting as far as metaphors go?

Think about it.

Also, I think I like to have something fairly pointless to worry over in my head as I go about my life. Like I was a dog with a chew toy or something. I just like to have something their to rattle around, and if I don't have something there I kind of seek something out. So recent circumstances that have given me something to chew on (brain-wise) may be a good thing. They have little to no real consequences as things stand right now, but give me lots to think about and rehash. Keeps me busy. Off to bed.

PS I am not really a stalker and I have proof

I was cleaning out my email account and ran across a folder that I made a long time ago but almost never use. In it are a few emails that were all saved for sentimental reasons--a few from Patrick, a great inspirational one from my friend Yellow Heather, etc--including a copy of an email I wrote to someone else but blind cc'd a copy of it to myself. It was the email where I may or may not have professed my love (but was like 80% sure I didn't). I totally didn't. It was a perfectly harmless email. I hinted at someone taking me out, but that is all, and I did it in a totally joking way, and if you don't believe me I still have the email proof.

It is however true that even if this means I am not a stalker, it probably means that I am some sort of sad pathetic weirdo.

History is just one fucking thing after another

Or so says one of the boys in the movie "The History Boys" which was quite good, though a bit draggy near the end. Then it was a little bit of a deus ex machina whoa at the very end. I liked it, but if I tried to say more I would majorly ruin your film experience when you go to watch it (which you should--based on a tony winning stage play).

It also has the best portrayals of teachers ever. They are real people who do real things like smoke and curse and fuck up and get their kids scholarships and teach them good life lessons.

That is all for today.

Perhaps 2007=trouble

Maybe, probably not though, but I spent the morning of New Year's Eve in full panic mode. Also, boy was I ever drunk when I posted that last post. I didn't realize how drunk I was until I read that entry just now. It is startling how drunk I was, but I had a good time.

This is the entry where I catch up on what boy trouble I caught from Jessica--although upon reflection it really isn't trouble at all, just surprising at how quickly I can stir things up. I was going to really go into detail here, but that's not going to happen, I am too tired. Anyway, I spent two hours on the phone with an old friend with whom I have a history (or unfinished business--as he calls it). This may or may not get me into trouble in the future, but as he lives thousands of miles away from me, I have decided to not worry about it. Fortunately this time he doesn't have a girlfriend to accuse me of sleeping with him (which I never did). So we shall see, but I have the feeling that 2007 will be the year I have a lot of fun and get at least a little stupid. Here we go!!!

Also, hero of this current week, my boss for letting up the teeniest bit on the dress code today. I am grateful.

Welcome to new years super drunk edition

I got too drunk to party on new years, and I got just drunk enough to be stupid on new year's eve eve. more on that later, like Tuesday.

Belated hero of the week for last week, my roommates. They just rule. That is all I have for tonight. Really all.

But some people I called o new year's suck, but none of them read this blog. Also Jessica Smith is in trouble for her boy trouble contagion (see above where I say there will be more later like on Tuesday).

Happy 2007! I feel I will definitely cause myself a lot more trouble there. Trust me on this one.

"Heather has very good ovaries"

As quoted from my good friend Mary Trotter outside of a Wrigleyville bar tonight in order to make sure her friend Derek didn't punch me in them. Although my ovaries were never in danger, but Mary's were. You have to keep drunk people in line, and sometimes that means getting rough. That quote was followed up by, "John O'Hagan would be very sad if you punched Heather's ovaries." I don't really follow or understand Mary's logic there, but she was really, really trashed. It was lovely seeing her if even for only what seemed like a moment (or two hours really).

We did however go to a bar with her friend Robyn and her current boyfriend (as well as one of her ex-boyfriends--who was in the group of Mary's undergrad friends) to watch another of Robyn's ex-boyfriend play in a band. Robyn is not really my kind of girl, mostly because she seems to get a perverse pleasure out of bossing the group around and making us be around her and all of her ex's and currents. Plus I have the feeling that the current was not really a big fan of this plan and that she was getting too much of a kick out of that too. The band we saw was a country and western cover band. The lead singer and the guitarist had a general feeling of being authentic country people, but the rest sort of were like doing a straight person's version of drag by dressing up as 'country' singers. It was very weird and sort of like wandering into any karaoke bar in my hometown--NOT what I am looking for when I go out in Wrigleyville.

Also, I have been working my way through Criminal Minds season 1 with Renee because she got it for Christmas, and tonight we watched an episode of maybe ritual satanists killing people. I screamed in the middle of the teaser because the first person to get murdered in the show was Matt Bennett the first (who may have predated many of the CMS types who read this). He was Emily's boyfriend before Kevin, and I had the hugest crush on him. Plus he was playing a high school quarterback--at thirty and vastly unathletic, he has this crazy liquidity to his gait and his being, awesome. Anyway, it was fantastic to see him on my TV. Fantastic.

75% of the way

Through my twenties. Today is my half birthday, and I am 27 and 1/2 which means wow am I close to 30. However, I don't feel close to thirty and I don't feel my adult life reflects real adulthood all that much. So, whatever.

I received Christmas cards from Sally and David (wow on the weight loss!! Awesome!) and Jim and Amy (this may be a repeat). I also got my parents card which included a family photo. The best part is that it is of everyone in my family but me, and then my sister cut and pasted a kind of crappy photo of me from the summer vacation into the corner of it. I will have to post a copy for you all to see because it is kind of hilarious (if not a little unflattering--it was of me looking bored and tired and also probably hungover on one of our wine tastings).

Anyway my Christmas was quiet, but Mystique (Sara and Jon's cat) made it better. She snuggled me. I also got blamed for things by clowns during the clown show. It was fun and funny, and I inadvertently sat next to Paul's family during the show to, so I met his brother. He nearly fell out of his chair laughing at the show. I seriously just grabbed an obviously single seat in a different part of the audience then I had formerly sat, and it was in the Kalina section. The show was great again--a little girl in the crowd came up and hugged Paul in the middle of it when all of the clowns are yelling and after he has come back from running away. It was pretty much awesome.

Umm, that is all more later.

Missing

Every time that I have called my sister Natalie or my brother Dan this past week they have been together. I miss that. I miss big long breaks at Christmas where you have time not just to see your family but to just be with them. Just hang out and watch TV or play hearts or anything. I miss going to the grocery store with my mom.

I won't be going home this year for Christmas (again). It is too expensive and that pretty much sums it up. Also Christmas has always been a pretty low key affair at our house since people stopped being little kids, so it isn't some big dramatic event. Thomas won't be home this year either. He is going to Mexico. I can't imagine Christmas being event-like until one (or more of us) gets hitched or gets real serious and then people start having babies, but that seems pretty far off. It is just church and a dinner in the dining room on the good china. But I do miss my family. I genuinely like them all as people, and it sucks not to get to hang out with them like that. My sister gets to all the time (since she lives in the hometown still), but I hardly ever do. Plus when I am home it is such a whirlwind of events crammed into a short amount of time that there is no just being--I usually need a vacation from my vacation.

Anyway, I won't be alone for Christmas, and there are even some good things planned (courtesy of Angie and Sabrina). Plus I get the apartment all to myself for a few days (which will be so awesome I can hardly believe it). Not that I don't like the roomies, it just doesn't happen very often that any of us is truly alone in the apartment for more then a few hours at a time, so I think we all sort of treasure that. One day I will be solvent and have a place of my own. I think it says something about me that I want my own apartment a lot more then I want a significant other. Things to ponder.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a safe trip to wherever they are going on these few days before the holidays.

Plus cards up from Amy and Jim, and the stockings are finished and I will post some pictures later.

Hero of the week 4

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.

Hero of this week : postal workers. Let's face it right now is when they need some love.

Post Office non-drama

I went to the post office yesterday, and I was scared that it was going to be bad. It wasn't though. It was quick and easy and calm. I was in and out in fifteen minutes. It was great.

Less great was my plan to carry my three boxes the six-ish blocks to the post office. It kind of sucked, so after two blocks I waited on the corner of a busyish street to get a taxi. It took a couple of minutes, but with tip it cost me five bucks and was way worth it. I think it may have taken longer to get to the post office then it too being there.

I also went out for Sara Jo's birthday, and it was great fun. We had a great time at Ed Debevic's and a really fabulous waiter to thank for it. Then we went back to the Idaho house and fell asleep after ice cream and about 2/3 or a little more of "It's a Wonderful Life." I crashed on their couch and came home this morning. It was great fun.

Wine crimes

My roommate put two bottles of cabernet-sauvignon in the FRIDGE!!!!! I cannot handle it. It was just wrong. I love my roommate, but we had a little lesson tonight of what wines get chilled and which don't.

Also, Sara and Jon gave me a Christmas card, and I finished the first round of stockings. They kind of look awesome. I will post pictures later (probably on Tuesday).

More Christmas Cards

I got two more today. One from my grandparents and one from Donald and Margaret (the handmade kind with a cute picture on it). Send me a Christmas card, and I will talk about you in my blog. See, I have already done it.

Umm, busy at work--in the fun way. Most annoying SASM has quit (or as she called it, resigned). It was her choice (our main boss told me) which I figured because our boss would have given her a chance to change and adapt to the feedback she was given. Really it seems far more like annoying to quit out of pouty pettiness--she is super immature and just proved it. Least annoying SASM has sort of bonded with me. I feel like we get along much more, and he is way better when not anywhere near most annoying.

Still busy sewing, and I was a jackass and didn't go to the post office this morning, so I have to go tomorrow night which will suck. Post offices in big cities at Christmas=no fun at all. Plus I don't have a present for my babiest brother or for one of my roommates.

Oh, and I could've gone and seen the clowns again tonight for free but I was working. Very sad. Plus, I should be a life coach. That is all.

Hero of the week 3

This week's hero goes to Robyn and Joe for sending me my first Christmas card of the week (what can I say, it was a relatively uneventful week), but what pushed them over the edge was the look of their Christmas card/photo. Their faces are superimposed onto Han Solo and Princess Leia. It is certainly the nerdiest Christmas card ever while also being pretty awesome. Anyway, thanks guys.

Merry Christmas and many other holidays celebrated round a bout now to all of you out there reading this.

The Internet is my friend

It let me order my photo prints online today, and I can go pick them up from Walgreens in an hour or so. That means that when I wrap presents tomorrow the photographs will be in the frames that are going to my grandparents and my great aunt and my sister. Plus I just develop exactly what I want, and I am off.

The only bummer is that I have to go to a Walgreens that is slightly far away from me (not really because I can take the El and it is only three blocks to my stop and a half a block to the walgreens). The one five blocks from my house is not acccepting online orders at this exact time (although they say it is a temporary disruption in service). That would have been better. This is what I like about cities. This and ordering something online from best buy and then walking down the street to pick it up forty-five minutes later. No dealing with crappy people, minimum lines, and no shipping and handling brew-ha-ha. Very happy Heather.

Santa wouldn't let me go to his bar

I am serious. A man in a Santa suit told me I couldn't go into his bar today because it was a Santa bar. I only wanted to look in because, after seeing four men in Santa suits (one also smoking and another in a blue Santa suit--all sans beard) standing outside this building in a clutch trying to open a back door, I realized that the bar was in fact filled with drinking, smoking Santas. Filled with probably 50 or 60 drunk off their ass Santas. It was kind of awesome in a parallel universe sort of way. I have no idea what the hell was going on, but I was so glad that I was present to see it. Especially because earlier in the day, I had seen a Santa ice skating and thought that was kind of cool. Apparently I had no idea. I am going to go back to my pink champagne now.

Ugh!

I absolutely hate it when I figure out thriller movies way before they are through. I hate it. Stupid actors who telegraph the ending from the beginning, so you just know that the innocent person is in on it. Then, of course, shock--shock--shock the innocent person is guilty. Anyway, it pisses me off. Audiences are not completely stupid. They just aren't and treating them as such only makes your work worse. It does not help you to pander, ever. Pandering=suckiness.

Hero of the week 2

Week 2's hero is scarves, just in general. They make life better, especially when it is cold. They cover your face and your neck (and sometimes your ears and head too), and they keep the terrible cold wind out. Well, they do that as best as they can.

Thirty pieces of government cheese

Last night the Colbert report made me laugh so hard I nearly peed, and it got my Republican roommate to laugh (one of them anyway)--at the idea that Jesus is of course a Conservative. It was pretty funny.

Also funny was me slipping and falling while on the way home from a movie. I totally bit it. One second there I was upright scooching across the ice covered sidewalk in 20 degree weather, sidewalk that had not been cleared by the gas station it belonged to, and the next second there I was lying on the ground laughing. It kind of hurt. I hit pretty hard, and it was my shoulder, my ass, my hip, my side, my arm, and my elbow. I feel that justifies getting chips and salsa mixed with sour cream for lunch today. Hey, it's my day off and I am walking wounded. Okay, I am just walking bruised.

The movie we saw (for free in a preview) was quite excellent for a cheesy romantic comedy with a slightly Christmas theme. We saw "Holiday" and I would highly recommend it, if you are into that type of movie. I laughed aloud a lot, and there was also cringing as I watched other girls do dumb things.

The funny part is that I invited Sara Jo to go with us (since my two roommates and I had four tickets total), and we were just going to meet her at the Grand redline stop. We were to head south from fullerton, and she was to head north from Jackson. However, as we got off the brown line at Fulleton to transfer, we hear an announcement that the red line is experiencing delays heading southbound. That sucks, so we grab the next purple line that arrives and take it to State and Lake to run down the stairs and transfer to a red line for one stop north. The station is packed with people (and a really excellent street performer singing some donny hathaway Christmas songs all bluesy/folky--how'd you like that musical reference Chrissy, aren't you proud?), and we can't get onto the first train, so we wait like two minutes for the second train. When that train arrives, who do you think is standing immediately in our doorway? That's right, Sara Jo!! So all worries about us finding her were for nothing, since she or us were put into the others way. It was very crazy, considering the rigmarole we had to go through to get downtown where we were going.

Also funny for the day was how I felt like I was on an arctic expedition to get to work in actually six degrees, feels like freezing to death weather at 5:30 yesterday morning. I was dressed for an expedition that should have included sled dogs. Where were my sled dogs? I ask that with all sincerity.

Movies on the couch

That is what I have done all day today, after waking up really, really late. I did go out to blockbuster (three blocks away) once, but other then that, living on the couch.

I watched a bunch of episodes of West Wing Season 7, and now V for Vendetta is on, but the bulk of the day was taken up with Star Wars Episode 3 which sucks hard. Really, really, really, REALLY hard. I was very saddened by how heavy-handed and leaden the story-telling was. It was just terrible. Very, very disappointing (which is especially amazing when my expectations were that I probably wouldn't like it very much, it managed to be worse then my poor expectations).

Although I did discover that my roommate Renee is 'charismatic like Hitler.' Those are her words not mine, and I feel we all need to poke fun at her. She is a nazi and a fascist (she then made the mistake of telling me she isn't a real nazi but a new one--like we all don't see where I went with that one). Anyway, hilarious. Great fun.

Also, there will hopefully be changes at work since we have talked about how crappy one of our SASM's is with the manager and the manager will talk to the SASM on Tuesday. Awesome, huge relief. Also it is cold out and it won't be warmer tomorrow.

Merry Christmas Tree

I have a Christmas tree. I splurged on a very ghetto 6 foot fake one from the local Walgreens, but it is pretty full even if it is very fake. I put it up and decorated it (and inspired by Margaret got LED lights for it). The lights are crazy bright, but I should've bought more. Oh well, maybe I will just mix in some of my roommates lights. We'll see.

I watched Clerks 2 as I put the tree together and decorated it, and that movie is hilarious. It was a much better movie then I expected, and I think I liked it a lot more then the first one. It even made me feel better about myself, like the movie's moral (and yes it does have one) was directed at me and things that I have been thinking and worrying about in the past year or so. It was a good night--even if it is probably snowing like a mother outside my door.

Sending out better karma

I really believe that what you put out in the world comes back to you, and I feel that I have been putting more badness and pettiness out into the universe then I ought to lately (bitching about work and my bosses and random other cattiness). To head things off at the pass I am going to concentrate on sending out some good.

I am going to be nicer at work. Not say anything if I can't say anything nice. Speak up with a compliment when I see something good in others. Smile at people as I walk down the street. Be a good friend. Listen. Okay, try to listen better.

That is a start. We shall see how it goes.

Guys, I am just not worth it!!

My brother and my cousin cut down a tree this past weekend. They are however fairly dangerous idiots (or at least they can be), so it got kind of exciting, and I am told that when I see the pictures I will shake my head.

They decided to cut the top off first, so that it didn't take out my cousins tree as it fell, but the ladder they had was not tall enough. My brother decided that was no problem he would just climb up the rest of the tree like a monkey, and from his perch in the tree he would use the chainsaw to trim off the little branches making it tilt. They decided to go after the little branches first because eventually they would have to trim the big branch that was really causing all the leaning over toward the house problem--figuring that would minimize the pull back when the big branch finally fell. But they did trim the big branch, or rather my brother cut it off with a chainsaw while he was still sitting in the tree.

Think of all the ways this could end badly--swaying from a tree branch with a moving chainsaw in your hands. Fortunately, it ended fine with the tree getting cut down and no people or property suffering any damage (except for the tree itself which was, of course, the point). My brother remarked that afterwards he had the thought, "What the hell did I just do? That was stupid."

I remarked that he could have died or been maimed. Yesiree, that's my gene pool at work.

Oprah is making me cry

I am watching her show sobbing right now. Instead of her favorite things she gave away $1,000 a person to give to a stranger to pay it forward. The things people did are so wonderful and touching and snowballed so amazingly that as they tell the stories I start to bawl. Tears are running down my face, and my nose is all snotted up.

A woman's shelter in Atlanta got $200,000 from the $1,000. A family in Centralia who have a father with a brain tumor got $73,000--including paying off all the medical bills and a college scholarship for one of the kids. A hospital in Hawaii got bunch of air fare tickets so the families of the sick kids could fly from their islands to the hospital.

The stories are amazing. I wish I could stop crying. Or maybe I don't. This is fabulous. These people are just normal people, but when given the opportunity they all raised to the challenge and became extraordinary.

Closing

I closed with two managers and another associate and it still took until forty-two minutes after the hour. Seriously, Keith manages to slow Laura the caffeinated wonder down! Amazing. We only got out of there early because Laura was there. It was ridiculous. Also the day started with me finding a dirty diaper sitting on a chest of drawers at work.

Someone changed their kid's diaper and closed it all up and left it on a piece of furniture. In the middle of the store!!!!! The wrongness of this is kind of overwhelming. Who does that? Really? That was the kind of people I got today. It was long, long, and very long, and it was a busy day. How busy days get long, I do not know.

Hero of the week

New thing, each week I am going to name someone who is my hero for that week, just because I think it is a good thing to do.

This week it is my friend Sara Jo. She is the hero of the week because she went to an audition where they told her not to prepare a monologue and then asked for one, and she did it, and she was awesome. Then, they asked her to dance for it, and even though the thought scared her. She did. She danced on camera in a room where all the other auditioners were sitting around and watching, and she did this without dance training or preparation. She just stepped it up. Then, later, we went to a play and danced on stage like monkeys.

That play was the 500 clown Christmas, and it ruled. It was hilarious and weird and I highly recommend it. I would however not recommend going on the same night as drunk Bob. He sat in front of us and was wasted (or there is an outside chance he is mentally handicapped, but I am pretty sure it is wasted). The clowns talk to the audience before the show and learn people's names, and one of the clowns knows Sara and I quite well (yes geniuses, Paul). He introduced Sara and I to drunk Bob, so Bob asks Sara (as he shakes our hands), "Are you promiscuous? He said you were promiscuous." I laugh, and Sara tries to extricate herself from the conversation as rapidly as possible. I laugh. Then later in the show, I am helping pour seltzer water for everyone in my row (don't ask, it has to do with Christmas being the best time of the year. . .to be drunk), and Bob grabs my ass. Yeah, he grabs it (while sitting next to his son, his daughter, and his wife). Even later he farts. Like whoopee cushion farts. Awesome. Things I won't miss when I see the show again, Bob. Pretty much just Bob.

The show is however wonderful, and I would recommend it to people in Maryland (where they will be next week), and all Chicago types. It runs through the holiday season.

That's all I got folks, talk later.

Perversity of Cussedness

I spent a portion of my afternoon watching a little documentary on a fascinating would-be polar expedition that never made it to Antarctica. Instead they got frozen into the chunky ice flow right off shore. They were stuck there for an Antarctic winter, and then their ship was crushed by ice. They abandoned and then spent like another 7 months (after the 7 months stuck on it) trying to get rescued facing every terrible freezing cold odd that you can imagine. Their ship, by the way, was called the Endurance as was the movie. It was amazing.

The human body and spirit has such incredible survival capacity that it blows my mind. We here in the advanced world tax it in almost no way. My cousin the Ultimate Fighter pushes it a little, as does my brother the extreme climber, but really the rest of us have no idea what our physical beings are capable of. Just contemplating how easy life is in comparison to any other time in history begins to bring it into perspective. Even one hundred years ago, life was much physically harder. Oh, this expedition happened in 1914-1916 when they had like wool sleeping bags for cover. Wool, just wool (some people had fur but not everyone).

Now I am watching a discovery channel show about climbing Mt. Everest, and Sherpas are freaking badasses. They are amazing. The rest of us whiteys who climb Everest are freaking pansies in comparison. Wow.

Tonight I will sleep pondering the amazing capacity of the human.

Random Asian Dude

Last night I was out late watching movies with Johnny B, Sara Jo, and Angie--at their house. Their house is sort of out in the boondocks. It is a long walk to a train, but near a couple of bus stops, and the train line it is near is the wrong one to get to my house. So I wait for a bus when I go home, and it only comes every half an hour past midnight.

So there I am at 12:30am, at this random intersection in Polish town. There is this Asian dude (probably 22 or 23) talking on the phone. He is obviously a little intoxicated and trying to give driving directions to friends to get them to where he and I were standing, but he has a problem. He has no real idea where he is in relationship to anything else at all, so what does he do to help fix his problem? He gets me to talk on the phone to his friend and give the friend directions to where we are.

The friend has no idea who I am, and I think may have thought he was talking to one of their other friends. Phone guy also refuses to let me get off the phone because he has no idea where he is going but seems to think I can save him (me, who never drives in this city). Meanwhile, Asian guy randomly keeps thanking me and explaining to me that his friend Joe is Italian because that makes everything about my evening way less surreal--Joe is Italian, of course! Problem solved.

Anyway, I get Joe to our interesection, and random asian guy keeps thanking me. I say, "You're welcome, it was no problem." Because really, what else was I going to do while waiting for the bus. Asian guy however can't let it be and feels he needs to pay me back, so he gives me $1 in quarters which is all that he has in his coat pockets. I made $1 waiting for the bus yesterday, and I got this charming story.

Why is my life so weird? Perhaps it is because Joe is Italian.

Relief

That is what I felt last night as I flipped back in time to one year ago. I was wanting to see if I had written down some intimation of what I had said in an email to Paul when I was mad crushing and thought he was interested in me too--because, prompted by something Sara Jo said, I thought that perhaps I had foolishly professed my love for him in an email. I didn't recall doing something like that, but let's face it, it is totally something that I would do.

However, I did not profess my love of anything to him. I may have sort of asked him out on a date, but that is a far cry from love profession. A year removed from being ignored when emailing someone about what could be a date is way, way less awkward then a year removed from email love profession followed by painful silence. This weird can be blamed far more entirely on him then on me. He is just weird, and that is not helped by having to hang out with my very own downright strange.

Please raise your hand in the comments if my writing made this almost unintelligible.

Went to the Circus

It was basically awesome. There were 7 elephants, and I love elephants. Plus some way cool aerial work and guys riding motorcylces around in a spherical cage. It was sweet, and I think that Jesse Highley (of way back in my CMSU days) was in it. He is a clown for Ringling, I know, but there are three tours. However, I think his clown was in this one, but I am not positive. I am going to try to get ahold of him if he is in town for the next week with this particular circus, but now I must eat dinner and make my way to Johnny B, Sara, and Angie's for Grey's Anatomy.

Bridesmaid Dresses

I went shopping for them today, for my roommate. She isn't getting married, but her sister is so that she gets to pick them out. I helped. We found a pretty one with a belt. Simple, a-line, crepe and organza. It was nice. The best part was that we weren't in the "House of Brides" for all that long, and she bought me food.

On a barely related note, I am sort of baffled by toll roads. We don't have them out West, and they still seem very foreign to me. They make sense as far as revenue gathering goes, but they are odd. Like a new animal or plant species, I know what they are, but I have yet to adjust to their presence or existence.

Why am I so mean?

Today was my friend Brian's birthday, and to celebrate it, I watched my friend Sara bake him a cake, and then we took it to him. He is a Studio 60 fan (just like myself), and he was watching it with his roommates and his friend Zack. I call Zack 'Pretty Zack' because he is one of those classically attractive people who are always hot without ever trying. He can be wearing a fancy-schmancy suit or a dirty sweatshirt, but I am always going to find him attractive. However, I am totally mean to him every time I see him, but not I-am-in-third-grade-and-I-think-I-like-you mean way, just a run of the mill thoughtless-know-it-all mean way.

Example: the last time I saw him I corrected a joke he was poaching from 'When Harry Met Sally' (he used Lebanese food as the reference instead of Ethiopian, so he really even destroyed the funny of the joke). Tonight, he thought that Patricia Arquette was the lead chick in 'High Fidelity,' and she isn't--some Danish chick is. I know all this random uselessness off the top of my head, so I have to blurt it out without thinking, and when someone doubts I am right, I must argue with them (because, in these two cases specifically, I unequivocally know I am correct). Anyway, every time I speak to Zack, I am this mean sort of know-it-all. I am sure he hates me because I would hate me. It isn't that I am interested in him and want him to like me because I am not (but I wouldn't kick him out of bed either, I am no fool). I just feel bad that I am a jerk to my friend Brian's friends. Let's face it, I feel bad that I am a jerk at all, and I am apparently kind of a tool.

Also, PS some of my friends need to warn a girl when a man she has obsessed over a great deal in the past (and even put herself out there for--which I don't always do because I talk a big game and rarely ever walk it), they need to warn her when he is sleeping on their couch and she is over visiting. There I am at John, Sara, and Angie's when Angie comes home with Paul from rehearsal. Oh, hi person I haven't talked to in a year, you know since I threw myself at you and you oh so carefully ducked. No, no this isn't awkward in the least since no one gave me fair warning. Thanks a lot people.

Seriously, I think it went ok. I mean it was a little weird, but he is a little weird, so it could be just that. Please? Please be just that, and damn is he still the sexiest man I know in real life (sorry Henry, one day when we meet, you can take that title, but for now, you live only in my dreams--and somewhere in LA).

Conversation Terrorist

That is what I am. Lately I have had a few specific interchanges where I have actually been so much of one that I noticed my reign of terror. I take people hostage with my conversation. They can't run and they can't hide, and they never know when it will strike next. Actually, my friends do know when it will strike next because they are used to it. Strangers, on the other hand, are totally screwed. They start talking to the friendly girl in the store, and the next thing they know they can't leave.

The sad thing is that it occasionally makes me wonder if they think I have no friends and that is why I am so desperate to talk to them, but really the desperation is mostly boredom. Well boredom and laziness. If I don't talk to strangers (or as I like to call it, engage with customers) I might have to do work. Strangers are more interesting then work, and it only works with real strangers. I can talk to a stranger who is shopping in my store way longer then I can talk to a friend of mine who is shopping in the store because it can still be considered shopping if it is a stranger.

I like talking to strangers, and I would even take their candy if they offered it.

PS Way excited that my spellcheck came back with a message about not detecting any errors.

Cold and rainy walk home

And I was even going to venture out tonight, but the weather is so icky. I must stay in. I am going to order some food, and watch some movies with my germ infested roommate (she has the step throat).

Also, my house is boy free right now. For a few days that was not true, but it is now, and it is kind of clean and it smells nice, which is good.

I don't want to be like Jesus, I am fucking Jesus.

The Pillowman ruled. It freaked me out. Michael Shannon and Jim True-Frost rock my world, as does Martin McDonough. Everyone should see it or read it or something.

I didn't get a sticker

I voted, but I didn't get a sticker, and I got to vote in the back of a book store which is way cooler then my Washington polling places ever were (the grange hall and the saddle club)! But I didn't get a sticker. I got a piece of paper--it does however give me a discount on books at the book store.

Tonight I go see the Pillowman at Steppenwolf.

A weird coincidence

I was trying to figure out what speed dial numbers belong to my roommates today (because every person in my phone has a # and if I just type that in I can call them faster), and so I was looking for the #'s for a few people by scrolling through all of them, and the # 69 belongs to a particular someone I seem to have a particular weakness for who may be moving here in not all that long of a time. Because God hates me. I would've been just fine not knowing this. My friend Jessica predicts I will probably do something that will turn out to be stupid, and this just seems to be a sign that that is almost definitely going to happen.

In and completely unrelated note, sometimes when I visit my own blog from outside of the blogger dashboard it lies about how many comments are attached to a post, for example saying there aren't any when I can see that obviously isn't true when I click on the button. I don't get it, unless it is a glitch in my bookmarks because it sometimes needs me to push refresh on pages in my bookmarks that I visit often that get updated regularly (ie blogs powered by blogger). It kind of sucks. I will go for days thinking no one likes me or that someone isn't posting when in fact they have been all along. I do not like this Sam I am.

I am so a person on an Oprah episode

Yesterday I was talking to my sister on the phone (she is starting a business as a wedding/special events consultant and giving up teaching), and she couldn't get over the fact that I wasn't coming home for either holiday this fall and winter. I tried to explain to her that I am poor in a way she has never been, and it is just too expensive for me to fly home for a holiday (especially when I can only be home for like 4 days tops). It just isn't worth it if I can go home in the summer for like a week and a half with my ticket costing half as much. I love my family, but I barely have money to replace a pair of shoes I wear at work all the time, so paying eight or nine hundred dollars to go home isn't happening. That is almost as much money as I take home in a whole month. If she wanted to buy me a ticket for Christmas or something that is a whole different story (of course).

That is a long intro to me going home this summer for my ten year high school reunion (because I think that I am going to go). This means I have nine months (give or take) to get thinner and in better shape, so that I will look absolutely fabulous at the reunion. I was kind of dowdy and nerdy in high school (actually subtract the kind of and insert extremely), and I am easily way better looking now (it helps that now I like myself which definitely wasn't true then). This means I am a cliche!!! I am like all of those women who want to go on Oprah because she is their only hope, and I really am like them. It would be so awesome to be a knock out at my reunion. I also should be putting money away now to buy the most perfect dress ever. Hmmm, way too much to think about. It is like I am in a bad romantic comedy movie. Oh my god, if I meet or remeet someone from high school there and fall in love someone please shoot me. Seriously, shoot me. That seems unlikely to happen. I am way to cynical, and they would all have had to have major life/personality transplants (which I guess is possible, I mean I have a whole different life and am a much perkier person--again, I need to stop thinking about this). I am really concerned about the getting thinner thing. It is consuming way too much of my thinking (and ironically making me crave all the things I should avoid if I am going to make it actually happen--like hagen daas, I want some right now, dulce de leche).

First I might need to get some discipline though. Anybody seem some? I seem to be in short supply.

I would also like to thank my loyal CMSU friends for piping up in the comment section and to welcome Joann into the fold. I am fascinated and flattered that you find me interesting, and don't worry I will keep writing. Nobody has ever been able to really shut me up yet.

Reader Poll

So, lately it has occured to me that I have no idea who reads my blog. I know my roommates and my coworker, Kristy, peek in occasionally. Alan, Jim, and Margaret leave regular comments (although lately the Jimbo has been absent). Some other friends on MySpace and the bitchbarn have found me here as well, but there are others out there in cyberspace whom I know nothing about who now know a great deal about me. So, I am throwing a reader poll.

I am inviting all of my readers to leave a comment introducing themselves. It doesnt have to be much (name or pseudonym and city) or it can be a nice long bio or blog link or web page link. Also feel free to share what you like about my blog or what you would like to see more of, I guess you can even tell me what you hate (I probably won't respond to the things you hate because this is my blog and if you don't like it, you don't have to read it). If you do leave comments about what you like, I may try to include more of it. What I am looking for is an idea of how many people take a look into my life and how often they do so.

The fact that I might have some sort of public is shocking to me. I can kind of understand why some of my friends might read this, but it is hard for me to grasp the concept that there might be something in here for total strangers. Which is why I am so curious. Please, please take a second and say hi (like I said, name and city would be great and anything more would be AWESOME!). Thank you so much in advance.

Things to ponder regarding netflix

If netflix sends me a movie from California, it takes the better part of four days to make the journey. When I send a netflix movie back to California (for real, instead of cheating and slipping it into a Chicago-Netflix sleeve I have lying around the house--after finding it after I had lost it and sent two movies back in one sleeve), it gets there in two freaking days. Is it the time change? Is that what makes it move faster that direction? Does it literally lose two days instead of just two hours like the rest of us? I mean, seriously?

If I could live without my netflix, things like this might make me swear off it for good. But we all know that is never going to happen. I am shaking my fist angrily at their big red envelopes. Now I am going to check my queue to see what lies they are going to tell me about when the next disc of West Wing Season 6 is going to arrive (or apocryphal season 2, the one where the President breaks Leo's heart--literally and figuratively because this is TV and we can do that here).

Also, apparently my scary recall of Sorkin TV series episodes and factoids freaks people out. Specifically it freaks Alan out, but he lives with Sherman so perhaps I can go with the argument, "what the fuck does he know anyway?" Did I mention Alan likes to get name-checked in blogs. Name check that Alan.

P.S. I am not as angry at Alan as the aforementioned sentences may lead you to believe, and Alan is the most likely to know that.

P.S. Part II: Is it odd that the blog spell check does not recognize the word blog?

So I forgot about the shoplifter

Apparently, last Friday a shoplifter was arrested in our neighborhood who had stole from us too. I get on to work just as a CPD officer has him in his car outside our store, and manages to get our manager to file a complaint, so that the perp could go to jail. They took some polaroids and asked around if people remembered him, but I had just gotten there so no. However, my coworker Shavahn remembered him, and she had gotten him to sign up for a our catalogs. That's right the criminal mastermind gave us his address and contact info. Wonderful.

Random Street Sighting

Yesterday, of the ex-boyfriend. It was hilarious. We were driving down the street (my roommates and I) on our way to a wedding (Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Kristy and Mike Hayden), looking all fabulous, when Renee sees him come out of a building. Her immediate (and out loud response) is, "Oh my God!" which of course prompts Janna to say, "What!?". Since Renee couldn't come up with appropriately believable misdirection, she copped to seeing Patrick.

This is where it gets good. He is walking with ex-girlfriend/new girlfriend, and his parents or somebody's older people. I am sitting in the backseat as we creep down the street (due to traffic instead of curiosity) while they walk the same direction that we are going, and I am trying not to look or stare so there can be discomfort avoided if perchance he notices us in the car (except of course I take a good look at what she looks like). Janna and Renee are openly staring, and there response goes something like this, "Oh, she is not okay!" in reference to the girlfriend. Hilarious!!! I am laughing, they are gawking. Two guys walking down the street behind ex-boyfriend and entourage are noticing our staring and gawking. Very funny.

Then we went to the wedding and ate (some amazing fried chicken!) and drank a little and talked with friends and had wedding good timey-ness. But, I won't ever forget, "Oh, she is not okay." That one is tucked securely in the self-esteem bank. I love my roommates.

A blog in two parts

Part one: I saw a sneak peek of Borat yesterday--the whole movie for free. Cohen and I don't really hang out in the same comedy, he is either too gross-out for me or way, way too edgy (I am hopelessly uncool) and that movie has both. If you like his comedy, you'll love it (oh my God does he complete the jokes Al), but I just wasn't completely with it. I am glad I saw it right around the build up of the hype, but I am also so glad I didn't pay for it.

Then I snuck into The Departed which fucking ruled. That movie was great! One of the best things I have seen in theatres for a long time. It was an hour+ longer then Borat and felt shorter. Loved Leo and Matt Damon (well hated Matt Damon, but was supposed to--loved getting to hate him), loved Vera Farmiga, loved x 1,000 Alec Baldwin and Marky Mark, and adored Martin Sheen. This movie was brutally violent and hilarious within breaths. So much audience laughter from tension relief! Was so angry at one point I was trembling and tearing up with rage. I think you should all go immediately to your nearest theatre and see it. I am going to probably see it again, since Scorcese should have my money for it. Go see it.

Part Two: I went on a field trip to a pumpkin patch with my roomate (Janna, the teacher) and her class of 1-3 grade special ed kids. Our other roomate (Renee) and I were the chaperones, and it was great. According to the kids Renee is really cool, and Janna and I have red hair like the little mermaid. Also on the trip a group of Preschoolers. Little kids were amazed that we all wore Chuck Taylors (they wore black, I green). They kept telling us all day. It was hilarious. Actually, little kids are hilarious. It was a good day, and I got to color and take a nap on my desk. Hopefully next month I will get to go to the circus.

My weekend got better

I went to a bachelorette party at a drag show in downtown Chicago. Well, it started at my friend's house (the bachelorette) and we ate some good food and drank some good drink. Then we saw a drag show with some phenomenal looking queens, and an overwhelmingly female audience. It was very strange. Fun, but strange. Then we went dancing in another neighborhood in Chicago (it was a drinking on the 'el kind of a party), and danced and danced so much I am sore from dancing. It was great! Then I walked home in the rain. Weekends rule!

Also, I have an idea for an actual book to write. Will be working on that--not a novel.

I am in sinus fucking hell

My brain feels like it is full of sludge that is sitting on a ledge immediately behind my eyebrows and dripping slowly down behind my nose. Plus there is weird pressure on the back of my head too. Yea! I took my allergy meds, and now I think I must sleep and hope that fixes it.

Not a whole lot

Going on. I go to the pumpkin patch next week, and in November I may get to go to the circus as a chaperone. That would be awesome--especially if Jesse Highley is still a clown with Ringling.

Must go, Grey's may continue this later.

This is the continuing bit. Anyway, not so much with the excitement in my life lately, but I guess that is good since there is plenty of bad excitement that could be making my life awful (hypothetically, not actually).

The big post from a few days ago (Being a grown-up) is in a series of essay/column style writing that I have been at lately. No idea what I am going to do with it, but I seem to be full of it. (Alan stop laughing at me). Thinking about some sort of spoken word performance something, but not really sure what that would even look like except me standing there telling my stories--however there is obvious danger there with an entire evening of me performing and never actually finishing a single story. There you go.

Good Grey's though. Sad that Callie had to be mean to George, even sadder that he needed it. Too bad McSteamy and she didn't keep it going--not that I thought there was a snowball's chance in hell that they would.

I am a sad, sad little nerd

I read this blog called A List of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago, and I occasionally post in the comments section. Well, Shonda Rhimes (the creator/showrunner of Grey's Anatomy) reads and contributes to it as well, and in a thread bemoaning the loss of opening credits and theme songs to title cards I mentioned that Grey's may just have been running long this season and title-carded it in order to give them 30 more seconds of more show. Then Shonda posted right after me saying that was why. Then I ruined it by being a nerd and saying how awesome it was that shonda commented on something I said. Yeah, that kind of made my day. Click here and read the thread entitled Now Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale--don't forget to check the comments. I have gone with the incredibly clever handle of Heather.

Being a Grown up

I guess that that's what I am, or it is becoming more and more apparent that even if I have a Hello Kitty wallet, the ID inside it says I am 27. Face it, my high school 10-year reunion is this summer, and it has made me reflect upon several things.

Like the fact that it is unlikely that I will be married before I am 30. That is two and a half years away, and I have no marriage prospects--no matter how the current fantasy of me, Henry Rollins, and an Elvis impersonater in a chapel in Las Vegas plays out (still a fantasy and NOT reality).

The thing is, I don't feel like I am missing anything in my life. I don't feel like my single status makes me less of a person or even that it defines me in any sort of negative way. I like being just me. I like that I never have to consider other people when I make my plans. When I watch a movie, I never have to think will Joe-bob (or other hypothetical significant other's name here) be upset that I saw "The Departed" without him? I can just go out on the spur of the moment and meet friends and never have to worry that I am interfering with someone else's plans for 'our' night. My life is entirely my own, and I like it that way, and I like my life.

But I have no context with which to discuss my life with my family. I don't have a career. I have a job which I keep saying I will change but I never do anything to change. I am not even pursuing my "passion" (in quotes since I have not felt very passionate about it in a while); I don't even go see theatre anymore. I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't have dates, and I am not doing anything about that since I mostly don't care. (Note, I say mostly don't care because 95% of the time the only thing I really miss about not being in a relationship is the fact that when you are in a relationship you can generally count on getting laid on a very regular basis--when single much more work is involved in getting laid each individual time). My family understands pursuing careers and husbands and children, but they don't understand just hanging out or living life. They can forgive it for a few years because I am the artistic, eccentric one, but they still ask me if I am seeing someone or when I am going to get a serious job (although they generally phrase that one something like, "Wouldn't you like a more regular job that maybe paid a little better?"). My answers baffle them. They can't understand why I don't look for a man or a career or both, and it often makes me feel like I should be looking for those things or like there is something wrong with me for not being interested in those things.

Is there something wrong with me? I don't think that there is. But if I had told 16-year-old me that there was no way I would be married at 30, 16-year-old me would've been appalled. How could I never have met someone by 30? What the hell happened to me?

Nothing happened to me. Or nothing bad, I guess lots happened to me. I have met several someones. Many of them very nice, but none of them for me or not for me forever. Even the love of my life (so far) wasn't someone I could see myself marrying. Yes, for a while, I did see myself ending up with Patrick, but I think that was part 16-year-old me seizing her last chance to nest and part me being high on falling for someone and coming out of a depression all at once (so the run of the mill falling for someone new felt more significant in contrast to the feeling like crap while I was depressed). I still think I am a perfectly nice person. I am intelligent, pretty, funny, quirky, and obviously not humble in any way.

I am a catch, but I don't think I am for everyone. I recognize that I tend to freak people (men) out. I am a little more then most of them bargain for, and I would rather be alone then with someone I have to gentle my image up for. That's why I probably won't be married at 30 and may not be married ever. But that isn't cause for alarm. I like my solitary life, and I wouldn't trade it for an unsatisfactory partner or even a satisfactory partner. I am a special case, and I want someone special. If a good man is hard to find, I imagine a special one may never be found, but that is okay. I can be just me forever. I know I like it. Unless Henry Rollins wants to give me a call. He seems like a special case.

No comments about ninjas?

Really? But it was real. We have ninjas at pier 1. I was a little loopy today at work due ot an exhausintg truck and a sub driver who was much younger and flirtier then our usual driver (who was with wife visiting the grand kids). He pretty much flirted shamelessly with Laura and I the whole time, although he was kind of a tool.

Also, work is less fun then it used to be unless our head boss is there. This is weird because it used to be more fun without here, and now she keeps the annoying new management types at bay. The old management types are still great, but the new ones have issues when left completely in charge. Mostly annoyingness issues and issues treating us like very tiny children who speak no english. Like they forget that our pier one does not in fact employ high schoolers but older types who have it as their main job and have college degrees.

Had the strange thought that I think I would like working towards an MBA if pier one would pay for it. Probably will pass with the rain. Wouldn't that be strange. Boy would my parents be relieved.

"Excuse me, I need room for me and my ninjas."

My friend Kristy said this to me at work today in all seriousness. There was no joking because he had boxes of these crazy decorative ninja statues that pier 1 is selling right now. It was pretty awesome. Who else had legitimate ninja conversations today? That is what I thought.

I am totally suffering from some weird insomnia. Plus two things have happened lately to make me feel really old and kind of unfulfilled or unfinished. One, I keep getting my space messages looking for my info for my 10 year reunion next summer. I feel like I should be thinner or more successful for it, but I guess there is some time to fix that between now and then, assuming that I go (not sure about that just yet). Second, a little girl I used to babysit (and is now a college freshman) has been posting songs she has written onto her my space music page, and they are kind of amazing. So amazing that one is now my profile song and also in heavy rotation on the new ipod of so many earlier posts. There she is learning guitar and writing songs, and here I am sitting on my ass watching dvds of the west wing and lots of mindless TV (I watched NCIS in real time yesterday).

I feel like I am a creative person--obviously with the acting, but also with the sewing and lately I seem to have found a latent talent for table setting and floral arrangements. I have been trying a hand at being a memoirist, and I want to write a play that me and my friends here in Chi-town could put on here and be fucking brilliant in. However, I don't get around to doing much--except when people ask for place settings and floral arrangements at work (where I help bitchy mavens of Lincoln Park dress up a room or a table on the cheap). I just want to get motivated to stick with something, anything, enough to follow through to a first draft or mock up and then even further to a final project, but I just don't care enough to get past hard. I just don't. I think that I used to. One time I did care about things enough to devote all my time to them. Now, I am obsessed with watching my favorite TV shows and reading my favorite blogs. Not so much an achievement. Where's my freaking fire?

Sidebar: why can't spell checker on a blog recognize the word blog or its plural?

Couldn't sleep and watched west wing

I just could not go to sleep to save my soul last night. I couldn't do it. Just lie there and lie there. It totally sucked. Anyway, then I went to the zoo today, and it was better. There were baby piggies and baby meerkats, and it was awesome. The meerkats (adult and baby) were being fed and they were scampering all over the place and one even tugged on the pant leg of the zookeeper looking for food. Meerkats are awesome.

I have one

An ipod. I have a nano, and it has songs on it and a podcast, and it makes me happy. Margaret, I tend to agree with you; something makes me want to put it in my mouth. I have not put it in my mouth, but I have thought about it. I plan to curl up with it tongiht in bed and let it sing me to sleep.

Ipod soon

I should maybe get a nano in the mail tomorrow. A black one. I am way excited. That is all I know, and really care about for the time being.

Comment jibberish

I have my blog set so that people who comment must pass the prove they are human and not spam test. However, I find it weird that I have to pass it to comment on my own blog. I understand why I would have to sign in, but I don't get why I would have to pass the human test. It is me. It is my blog. Of course I am human. The info is alredy connected to them through my computer. Seriously? All right whatever. Need to be productive today. Probably going to apply to teach some theatre to kiddies today. We'll see how that goes.

Feel free to mock me

Two things. First, I get to vote at Powell's Bookstore--that is my polling place. Unfortunately Pacific Northwesters, it is a little imposter faker store and not the grand glorious Powell's Books of Portland fame.

Second, I think I am more then a little in love with Henry Rollins. He is smart and funny and passionate about his views, kind of a big nerd, and a little crazy--plus totally hot. Because of these sentiments, my roommates think I am insane. It is the topic of mocking Heather in the apartment right now. They can't get over it. It just makes them laugh and laugh and laugh. Feel free to join them in mocking me, or better yet agree with me, that would be cool too.

PS I realize I hve no chance at all with Henry Rollins no matter how well read I am. Fantasy, reality, not at all the same things.

Please leave feedback

Whoa, so I haven't posted in almost a week, and I have no good reason why. I journaled a little bit (on actual paper with an actual pen using *gasp* penmanship) because it was stuff that might make my blog too confessional--I know, probably too late for that, but I am trying to normal it up, or something. Nothing big, just thoughts and stuff. Nothing significant that I haven't shared with you all out in cyberspace, and I totally love that my dear Courtney has been reading this. Awesome!!

Here is the stuff to discuss and leave feedback on. I just finished James Frey's A Million Little Pieces and in it he talks about how he doesn't believe men can be friends with a woman they find attractive (i.e. would want or want to sleep with or the like) and vice versa, not because it was impossible but because it would be too much torture. Therefore only a sadist or someone seriously delusional could/would do that. What do you all think?

I think that I agree. Speaking just of myself, when I have been friends with men I wanted to be more then friends with, I could do it only when they were like married or completely taken in that kind of relationship. If their was any kind of availability with them (even if they were taken), the friendship fizzled out before it got serious because it wasn't fun enough for me to keep up--it was vaguely awful to be just a little close to them and no where near close enough. I haven't been able to stay friends with someone I dated who I still wanted after the break-up, probably because that same awfulness. Again, I open this for discussion in the comment section.