Moving!!

Yup!  It is all happening, selling the current place and moving to a much much much bigger place in Andersonville/adjacent to Andersonville.  If all goes as it is supposed to go, we will close mid December and move less than a week before Christmas and our christmas card will probably be a moving card.

Maybe I will get better at blogging again and blog the putting the new place together business.

Okay, So I MOSTLY Got Things Under Control

I say mostly because, I totally did change up my job hours/availability, and by change up I mean dial down.  Which was great!  Is mostly great.  I mean it would be great if I hadn't gotten a phenomenal opportunity to help put together the quilts for a fairly famous quilter's first book of quilt patterns.  It is awesome, and I cannot believe that I am getting to do it and it is fun.  BUT.

But I am only ever working or sewing.  Sometimes I am sleeping.  And I am basically not at all working on my own projects, so that is not awesome.  However, there is only about two months left and my life becomes my own again AND I am getting paid in the meantime.

And it is fun and a good opportunity.  Although I broke my sewing machine, so right now there is not a lot that I am getting done.

This Week You Guys

I have been letting things get me worked up that are none of my beeswax and also things I can do nothing about. Other people make choices I think are bad. I cannot change their choices. I CAN change how I react to them. Ummm, this week that has been harder. I'm working on it.

I'm also working on a few other things to get myself in a better place.

Among other things, I'm taking my schedule more into my own hands. I have two part time jobs which sounds awesome until you realize that two part time jobs usually mean working 6 days a week and occasionally seven (but often for shorter bits). I had a talk with my boss at the job that has flexibility and am working on shaping that schedule for the better. I also am going to take responsibility to build in me time. The bonus of my part time jobs is that I can sort of take time off whenever I want. But I have not been doing this and sometimes getting only 2 or 3 whole days off in a month. SO OF COURSE I AM FEELING WORN OUT!!! In 2013 I am going to take time off in one day me times hopefully every month and definitely every other month, and I am not going to let myself feel bad about it.  Just because I can work everyday does not mean that is a good idea for my well being, and I am fortunate enough to have a boss that appreciates that my well being is good for my working.

It's been almost a year

I have had both a wonderful year and an emotionally rough one.

Wonderful because my job(s) generally make me happy, we got married, we had an amazing honeymoon, and we are very lucky people to have such comfortable and fortunate lives.

Then its been emotionally rough, and I don't know why.

I got a concussion in August, I suppose it could have something to do with that, some sort of post-concussion syndrome.  But it has happened before unrelated to concussions, so it hardly seems fair to blame it.

It has gotten worse since I cut my finger and went to the ER last month, but I am not sure if it is stress and anxiety related to that or to sleep deprivation from the business of retail in December.

It could be anything.  I definitely feel unlike myself.  And I have struggled to behave like a reasonable human, especially when tired.

When I was about 20, I confessed to my sister that frequently when driving I would have these unbidden crazy thoughts where I would see in my mind terrible accidents take place between me and other specific cars on the road with me at the specific moment I had the thought.  I would see a tanker truck and a fiery explosion engulfing me as I drove past it.  I would see a pickup swerve over into my lane.

These things weren't real and they never happened but the thought flashing into my mind was a pretty regular occurrence.  It should be no surprise that I was an especially nervous driver and to this day hate to drive.

I told my sister that with the feeling that you know everyone has thoughts kind of like this.  They just happen.  They're normal.  My sister was horrified, and then tenor of her reaction told me that this was not in fact normal.  She'd never ever ever (pre Taylor Swift) like ever had that thought or anything like it, and she was pretty sure most people don't think like that.

I don't own a car and rarely drive, so the car thoughts are not back.

But thoughts like that are.

Since the finger incident.  I see it happen again and again and again.  Sometimes I know it is a replay of the bit of finger I accidentally amputated.  Sometimes I know it is a new fresh imaginary amputation.  The worst of the cranky emotional attitude breakdowns I've been having date to about then.

Was it the pain meds?

Is it the anxiety?

Is it the lack of sleep caused by the inability to fall asleep amongst my mental amputations?

Is it all of the above?

Or is my brain chemistry just kind of fucked? And has it always been?