I am now officially underemployed

Or I will be underemployed as of Friday when I no longer work the big job.

I will return to my former retail gig 15-20 hours a week. Plus 5 hours at the quilt shop. Plus kissing my weekends goodbye. Oh. Yeah, well, let's see how that goes.

Wrapping my brain around it OR how I am not coming to terms with it even as I try

I am about to become a housewife, even if it will be a temporary thing, well temporary until we have babies. The babies thing is a couple years off at the SOONEST.

This is weird and hard for me. First because I like to think of myself as a feminist and a strong independent woman who can take care of myself. Which I am and I can, BUT I won't be for at least a while. This is weird and hard, and I also wonder if it makes me a hypocrite because I make snide comments about people from my hometown who have a gajillion babies and maybe a religion I do not look so fondly on and maybe less education then me and maybe who craft a ton and extreme coupon. I have no plans to coupon or join any religion or lose my education BUT I will be home, not so much with the working and quilting at least sometimes if not a lot. DOH! So there is that.

Also, ummm feel squiggy about Sam footing all the bills. In part because I got me, although for a while I won't be able to get me, although by choice because I would obviously not just not work if my circumstances did not allow it.

So I also feel squiggy about my circumstances allowing it. So many of my dear friends and just other people across this nation are fighting for jobs and survival and I will be at home quilting and not even raising babies. Unless Steve McQueen counts, but I have a feeling he thinks he does not AND he also will hate my infringing on his alone time. I know Sam and I are very very fortunate to have weathered the last few years and the recession with the only financial impact on us being totally self imposed and negligible compared to what so many others are facing. And I feel crushingly guilty about my good fortune. And I feel guilty about flaunting my good fortune.

I now even feel guilty about whining about my good fortune.

Also I hate that I am kind of a kept woman. Or something. What the fuck is this? Mona Lisa Smile? What if I go all Betty Draper? Ok I probably won't, but if Steve gets mouthy at dinner I may just slap him around, and then buy him riding boots to make him love me.

Why I am such a mind fuck basket case about simple, FORTUNATE choices in my life? Why can't I be at peace with happiness and good fortune? What is wrong with me?

Life after work

I am afraid that I will get really really lazy if left to my own devices in a few weeks when I go job free for a while. SO, I think I will devote different days to different themes. So Monday is house cleaning day where I accomplish home cleanliness related projects. Also probably cooking day. Tuesday can be museum day where I hit art museums or galleries for at least the morning. Wednesdays are already zoo days. Thursdays can be theatre/project days. Fridays can be me days where I get to do what I want guilt free. But everyday will have at least 1 hour of activity (walking around, biking, going to the gym, wii fit, exercise dvds, etc) and at least 1 hour of writing (for performance stuff or romance novels or just journaling) and at least an hour of food preparation/grocery shopping (which can include farmer's markets). This should keep me super busy. And Saturdays will include work at the quilt shop, Sam going to school or piano lessons. So Sundays will be Sam days.

Am I missing something?

Get Ready

For what I am going to entitle the Last Summer Vacation of my life. There will be bike riding and beach reading. There will also be home improvement projects and homecooking and farmers markets. There will be trips to Tri-Cities, Boise, Spain, and Sattle also a Sox game and many amazing concerts and hopefully some rainy day movies as well as art museums and other kinds of museums. And quilting. And finishing two romance novels I have started writing.

Fun, eventful and HAPPY MAKING. Because after terrible soul crushing job, happy making is what I need.