Update: Mean Neighbor

This morning as I left my apartment to get on the elevator, she opened her door like she was going to come out, but it was at the precise moment that I was passing her door and could tell it was opening but couldn't see her. I took a few more steps to the elevator, thinking that once I got there I would turn and give a curt greeting. Instead I turned and saw nothing because she closed her door and didn't come out.

Seriously?

I love my Kindle

No seriously I do. Even though when people ask me if they should get one I often waffle about it and kind of say no. I love my Kindle, but I should never have bought one for myself (which worked out well because wonderful, darling fiancee bought it for me for my birthday). I say that simply because it is a great thing if you have a LOT of disposable income OR you read super slow OR you have a lot of PDF's and Word documents that you intend to read on your kindle (because you can load those yourself or send them at a cost of 15 cents each.

I mean seriously, I can get myself in a bad financial way at a bookstore. Imagine carrying a bookstore around with you? That is what the Kindle is, pretty much as much as it is a book reader, if not more. Plus if you have an iphone or an itouch, you can get the Kindle app on that and do a serviceable job of reading on the go. Now I would say that I prefer the Kindle to the app because after an hour of reading the backlit screen of the app device can cause some eye strain and I don't ever notice eyestrain on the Kindle. Also, I can get The New Yorker on my Kindle which you can't get on the app(actually on the app you can't get anything that isn't a book purchased from Amazon).

However, having the Kindle is a great glorious thing. I am currently reading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol (yeah dudes, I know, but I like the fast paced breathlessness and smartipantsing of his books even if I find some of it kind of dumb, it is always a good ride and DaVinci Code was his worst book), so this morning I got on the bus and opened the Kindle case and fired up the Kindle. I backed out of The New Yorker page I was on to the main menu, and there was my Dan Brown book BUT even better there was the latest Jasper Fforde novel that I had preordered back in like September or something. It just magically appeared like Manna in the Heavens. Of course I will finish Dan Brown (one of those things you cannot help but finish), but Shades of Grey is up next.

And unless you are Sally, I would recommend Jasper Fforde's books (Sally tried some already and didn't like 'em), but they are literary and silly and crazy and mysteries and like spy detective novels but in the fiction world. They are hard to explain, but great fun and like a Harry Potterish world totally for adults (without actually being like naughty, more just over kids heads).

Back to Work

Just a regular day with the regular pain in the ass office comrade! The internet went out for not even an hour, and I got a lecture about how some other office comrade (who works for him) cannot get any work done when the internet is down (web based application in his project).

Umm, DUH! Ummm, what am I supposed to do, especially as I mostly use the internet to shit around and very little for actual work purposes? Also, as a result the one who cannot get any work done usually notices the internet is down RIGHT away, like he is the one who alerts the rest of us. I am usually the last one to know. He alerts our tech team. HE KNOWS BEFORE I DO! Thank you for the lecture douchebag mcgee! I will get right on fixing the internet because obviously I can fix that.

In a different tone, the trip to work today was eerie! I guess everyone is taking this week off or working from home or whatnot, but the buses were creepily empty. It was like something bad happened and I hadn't noticed. It was sooo weird.

Running on Airport Time

Because well, on Wednesday we went to the airport super early to get standby on an earlier flight to Tulsa that Sam's brother was already on. However, we did not get on that flight, and ours was scheduled to leave some five hours later, and we hit up a Chili's for a margarita as big as my head. And some food.

However that was good news as that flight had crew hours troubles and ended up being canceled, so a few hours after he gloated about getting on his early flight, we met back up with Sam's brother who had started that day in Seattle. Then our flight got delayed. Then our gate got moved. Then our gate got moved again. Then we kept getting text messages with inaccurate gate numbers. Awesome town. Then it got delayed some more. Then we did in fact get on the flight about an hour and a half late. And Sam's brother who had been standby on our flight got on it too! So the brother made it to Tulsa for Christmas and we all made it safe and sound. If well after midnight.

Of course it would be too much to hope that three days later the airport would be fine (after gigantic Tulsa blizzard on Christmas Eve!). So I am writing this from the Tulsa airport (bar, shut up delays are better with cabernets) about forty five minutes after our plane was to depart. ORD has a ground stop going, well I guess it just became a ground delay, and we just watched the 10:30am flight from Tulsa to ORD take off. Four. Hours. Late. We hope to get home tonight, and I see a cab ride in our future to get us all the way home.

Although Christmas was great, fun movies with family, fun gift openings. I happened to buy his parents a dvd of something that had been watching on their tivo for a month, so that was a score, and although I got both Sam's parents and his brother a copy of season one Mad Men, it was a big hit. In fact when Sam's mom saw his brother open it, she suggested they let them borrow it until he got back from his post-christmas trip to Japan (they would ship it). I was treated to cute a cute scarf and gloves, some gift cards (to awesome places) AND a gorgeous necklace that is on a thick silver cord with two little bands on it with my birthstones on one and Sam's on the other (go Sam's mom) as well as when I return home it will be to many, many quilting goodies!!!!!

Anyway, let's hope that we get to Chicago in the swiftest possible amount of time. I bet Steve McQueen is pissed at us.

Our Old Lady Neighbor is Crazy and Also a Bitch

For real. I mean she is a bit of a nutty old person (but she is also like 87 years old, so I guess she gets a bit of a pass), but we try to be nice to her and like have her over for dinner, bring her part of our homemade Valentine's dinner as a present, etc. And we try to be gracious about taking all the crazy crap that she gives us for loud parties etc.

Well a little before Thanksgiving we had her over for a dinner she bullied us into having for her, and Sam made cookies (a peanut butter with chocolate chunks and candied spicy walnuts) which she loved, loved, loved but somehow got into her head that I made instead of Sam.

So this week, when Sam made a big batch for a work going away party, Sam saved a few cookies for her. I put them in a ziploc baggy and put the ziploc in a plastic grocery bag and hung it on her doorknob with a little note saying Sam made some cookies and we thought she would like them Merry Christmas.

She returned two of the cookies with a note saying that they were the worst cookies she has ever tasted, and she could not believe that I wouldn't even bother to make her my cookies, and she had never been so insulted and a greeting card is customary. And on and on about how awful we are.

I guess that she took it as a Christmas present, and if she thought it was, yes it was disappointing. But we literally gave almost no indication that it could be a Christmas gift as well as both of us being better bred than to give an old person a gift that wasn't much more proper. We just thought she would like her favorite cookies.

Poor Samicorn is very upset and took it very badly that she didn't like his cookies and that she doesn't think he makes good cookies. Poor guy. Stupid bitchlady.

Lucky Punk

We all have been broke or nearly broke sometimes.  Some of us more than others.  I know that feeling where you realize that you have $23.48 to last you until your payday, in a week or ten days.  This is when you try not to use any of it ever, so no more eating or going out.  This is when you eat all of the food left in your cupboards, creating strange meals from a can of chickpeas and some tomato paste or convince yourself that a bag of microwave popcorn is too dinner.  It happens.  And it happened to me frequently until I started seeing Sam because well, he is way better at money than me and also happens to have way more of it than me.

 

Well this past week he went a little overboard on the Christmas spending and the celebrating with some friends at a piano bar where he feels compelled to tip the piano players extravagantly and then also the waitstaff and even the bathroom attendant (PS I hate bathroom attendants, it is weird and creepy) lest anyone feel slighted.  So there he was on the Friday before a Tuesday payday and pretty much broke.  I pointed out that we would be taking public transportation or walking for the events of our weekend, and he whined about it, but I told him it was his own dinged fault.

 

Well when I am this broke I just have to suck it up and deal.  This occaisonally bites me in the ass when I do get paid and go on a bit of a spending spree, but I deal with it all myself, like you do.  Unless you are Sam.

 

So in the apartment we decide to walk to the restaurant, which will be chilly but we will have to walk quite a bit even if we take a bus, so we suck it up.  However, on the way out the door, the doorman to our apartment building chooses this precise minute to pay Sam back $20 he owes him.  And the next day, Sam runs into another doorman, who pays him back $100 we lent him when he hurt his back and was out of work for three weeks about three months ago.  At dinner, one person paid in cash and everyone else split the bill on their credit cards which made Sam somehow end up with nearly $200 to last three or four days while he was broke.  Because that happens.  No.  Wait.  That never motherfreaking happens!!  Not to me!  Not to regular people, just no.

 

I might have told him to fuck off when he got the first $20 because he thought it was hilarious when we had just been talking about how broke he was.  I was less amused.

My Apartment is next door to a fire

And that meant I awoke in the middle of the night to sirens and bullhorns and helicoptors and beeping and other DISASTER related sounds. One lady (apartment where fire started) was killed, 12 people were injured (mostly smoke inhalation), and a bunch more were evacuated into FREEZING DEATH WINTER cold. So the fact that my sleep was disrupted is sort of well let's just say diminished.

As a result, lots of streets were blocked off when I went to walk to the bus, and there was a news crew broadcasting Live!-like local news crews do-from my front door. Seriously, our lobby was in the shot.

Then my glasses fogged up on the way to the bus stop (scarves do this in FREEZING WINTER DEATH cold), and then the fog froze and I had to scrape my glasses. Again, still less bad than actual death and being evacuated in whatever you can pull onto your pj's.

My house is like a snow globe

And by house I mean apartment, and by my I mean the one Sam bought that I reside in but that he owns. Right now lovely substantial but not fat and fluffy flakes are falling all around us, and since one half of all the walls in our apartment are big glass windows. The blowing snow and the big windows makes it feel as if I am in a snow globe. It is kind of cool!

I done lost my mind last night

Like I got a little frustrated with a little thing that should not have been a big deal and all of a sudden started yelling and freaking out about it.  In my head I knew that I was behaving totally incorrectly and very, very badly, but I couldn't get myself to stop.  And Sam found it partially funny and partially terrible behaviour (which I am SURE that it was), but he would giggle or argue with me, and it made me worse and worse.  I was like the Hulk and once you start turning green and Hulking out, you cannot stop it.  So finally after five-ish minutes of this, I attempted to ask him (but it defiinitely came out more as an order) to please not make any noise for fifteen minutes so I could calm back down.  This whole time I was yelling and I kept telling him that I couldn't stop it and that I knew I was out of control, but I couldn't stop.

 

About ten minutes later, I did calm down and then kept apologizing because I was such a jerk (I was going to write felt like a jerk, but I feel it was pretty clear that I straight up was a jerk).  He said it was fine because we did get it under control pretty swiftly.  Then he wondered what it was.

 

And I don't really know.  Although I strongly suspect it was the prescription medicine I take to keep my sinuses under control (because although saline works fine on the front ones most of the time, I tend to have a lot more trouble with my deepest sinuses while the front ones remain clear).  I don't take it super often or even everyday because it seems to be seriously hardcore, but it does say on the label that it may cause irritability and can cause mood swings.  I would guess that my snapping was clearly within those symptoms.

 

Super weird.

about to trip out for the holidays

Sam and I leave tomorrow for a flight to Seattle and then a drive to Corvallis and later Blachly, Oregon. The driving is not appealing, but seeing the family and getting up and out and away will be wonderful!

So, the week is almost over

Thank God. This week has not been playing well with others, well at least me. I think that the really terrible week that Chrissy had a week or so ago moved North like a weather front and fucked with me.

However, today is a shortish day at work (because I leave for a haircut which will be very nice indeed if expensive). Quilting went well. I want to start another one even though I won't even learn how to finish this one. Maybe in December I will buy the stuff to make another when I go in for the final class.

I haven't worked on the novel, but I do plan to tonight. Although if I get most of a quilt and a good start on a novel done in November that is no small thing, and I will work on finishing both of them before 2009 is out.

This weekend we will be having crazy old lady neighbor over for dinner and Sara Jo and I might go see the Plain White T's play before the parade tomorrow and I might go see some of the parade (Mickey leads a parade that turns on all the lights on Michigan Avenue and then there are fireworks). And writing and movies and TV and maybe getting a new Tivo, it is in the mail.

Seriously?

I do not know what is up with this week, but it needs to knock it the hell off.  I feel like it is out to get me and to make everything as hard as it possibly can for me.  Thank God I have the day off tomorrow!!  And I will be using it to see Pirate Radio with Sally and also to tidy up our apartment which is a total disaster.

 

I have however actually started really watching Dr. Who.  And I like it.  It is super fun, and I love me the Eccleston Doctor (which is the only one that I have watched so far).  This is a little upsetting because I am change resistant and I know that he will not be changed out soon.

 

I don't really have anything else to write, but I felt that I should post.

NaNoWriMo Write-In

So at one now.

I like Cheetos and the Diet Pepsi.

But Pandora is letting me down big time. I guess I could just use my itunes. Sigh.

Umm, this novel and this NaNoWriMo may be doomed.

However, quilting is going much better. I learned how to take my cut out pieces of long skinny strips and make them into strip set, which next week will be trimmed up into blocks (or the last week that will happen) and then those blocks will get sewn together into the quilt top. Then it will need to be quilted and bound (edged). Here is a picture I took on my cell phone and tweeted last night.

WHAT?

Look at your calendar, do it now because Thanksgiving is two weeks and a couple of days away.  WHAT?  How is that possible?  I feel like the summer just happened.  I feel like I barely got to have summer (multiple trips in July alone never no mind).  I just do not even know what is going on.  This is ridiculous.  Just silly pants.

 

Plus I really want to put my Christmas tree up, and although I know that is a ridiculous thing to do.  It isn't really all that crazy.  I want to put it up before we go to Thanksgiving, so it will be all up and lovely when we get back without me having to spend all Sunday after it doing it (that trip is going to wipe us out thanks to stupid driving I-5 plan, don't ask).  This was kind of triggered by the Ville which plays Christmas songs in the preshow, and it makes me want my Christmas tree (especially because last weekend we bought a tree topper from Crate & Barrel).  But then the more I thought about it I realized that it isn't all THAT soon to put it up yet.  Like next week I could put it up and it would only be about a week early.  WHAT?  Ridiculous. 

 

So next week I will be putting up my lovely Christmas tree!!

I hit 5k total this morning.

I will shoot for another 3k tonight. If I get into a good groove it shouldn't be that hard. It actually hasn't been that hard to write when I sit down to it so far. I usually get what I need to get as a daily writing total, but the problem is that I started a few days behind, so at this point I am still playing catch-up pretty hard.

I also need to get some thread for my sewing for the quilt, and I need to put my quilt pieces together. That is my homework for this week. Laying out the pieces to be ready to quilt them together in class next weekend. I actually think that I might buy some more fat quarters and make another one soon.

Shooting for 5,000 tonight

There is a write in downtown, and my friend Sally is at it, but I just didn't feel like seeing people. There is a large mug of peppermint tea steeping on a coaster next to me. I have had some root beer and some clementine izze.

The cat keeps alternately attacking and licking my toes.

I am at two and a half right now, so if I can get to 5k before I head to bed I will be well on my way to reasonably catching up.

Then I have quilting homework. But it mostly is just to set things out and have them ready for when we do the quilting quilting later.

Oddly nervous

About my quilting class that starts tonight. And I really shouldn't be. I know how to sew, and it is a class for basic quilting. It is called quilting 101, but I am nervous about meeting strangers and being late (I have checked my calendar and the class web posting like 18 times each to be sure that it really does start at 6:45 tonight). I have all my stuff, well all the stuff they said we need to bring to the first class, but what if I need other stuff (duh! they would've asked for it)?

But also, after visiting the quilting store to pick out my fabrics (which you can view on the internet here, I am now a little nervous about the class itself. Not that it won't teach me at least the basics of a totally awesome skill, I am sure it will, but that it might be mroe judgy pants than I will like.

I bought 14 pieces instead of the 12 required and I had a good idea of what kind of quilt it was going to be before I went shopping. I first looked for a cool piece of fabric to be my starter/inspiration and then picked fabrics I liked that went with it both by color and pattern, then I picked more and put some back until I had twelve that looked good together but getting to twelve was hard, so I went with fourteen since in all likelihood the next day I was going to hate one of my picks or more.

Then I brought them up front to pay, and mentioned that I was in the class starting tomorrow, and the woman behind the counter looked at mine and said, (instructor's name) is probably going to make you change some of those out since they are all blues.

"Umm, WHA?" I thought. I mean I get that the instructor will know a ton more than me about quilting. But I have taken multiple design courses, and done many papers and projects using color theory, and sewn for a couple DOZEN years (and won awards doing it). So clearly I have no choice of fabric. Now, I am deciding that I need to keep an open mind and see what the instructor says because maybe this lady just used a poor choice of words on a day when I am sleep deprived and cranky (seriously this week do not mess with me or Chrissy or shit gonna turn ugly, ya'll). Maybe.


********
Amended to note I might be an ass because well I was supposed to pick BOLD, BIG patterns and bright colors. I don't mind the ignoring the bright colors because I did pick a large spectrum of blues even though they aren't super crazy. However, I did kind of ignore the big patterns. Whoops. OK, so that helped me figure out what to pull from my 14. I pulled the two smallest patterns.

NaNoWriting

I have almost 2000 words as of not quite a few hours in the Chicago Public Library Lincoln Park branch.

I also bought a bunch of fat quarters for my very first ever quilt which I am making starting tomorrow with my quilting class. I also paid a few bills and made Sam an appointment for his haircut, so all in all pretty productive day AND I had some Mexican food with delicious and cinnamony horchata.

Also, apparently if you google "chase sucks" I am the fourth-ish thing that pops up. Weird.

Crapariffic week

I feel like this week or so has been out to get me. Although I think in reality it is just a slightly below average week. Or rather a perfectly normal week with a few hiccups that I am reading as giant freaking cavernous holes because my sinus medicine is making it harder for me to fall asleep and as a result I am now pretty freaking sleep deprived, so that the perfectly acceptable response to my current day is to crawl under my desk and have a good cry.

But it isn't even really all that bad. My shoes started rejecting their soles as I walked around yesterday which was weird but not too awful as it wasn't raining and I got everywhere that I needed to be just fine. There is some stupidity at work because as I put it to someone else the office dickhead has all of a sudden looked down at the shovel in his hand, looked back up at the sky, and decided to be pissed at the dirt since he found himself at the bottom of a big big hole. And I am on the periphery of it because well I went and did the things that were a part of my job as they were asked of me and dickhead doesn't like them even if he fought for them in the first place.

Added on is of course the fact that the new plan is not working out all neat and clean and perfect, so Sam has lately made some stupid choices. Choices that involve me ending up having a harder time falling asleep and getting less sleep, and all I want is some really good rest and for my life to be just a bit easier. I mean I probably shouldn't complain too much because I have a lovely home, a wonderful pet, I am well cared for, I have a decent steady job and paycheck, good health, and my fiancee loves me and I love him, so I know I have it much much better than so many other people who have big holes in many of those places. But I would really like to go a whole month without feeling like I need to break down and cry at work. A whole month without a ton of stress and worry.

All right, pity party over. Let's go back to work and hope that I can rustle up and attitude adjustment.

NaNoWriMo

Ok, I signed up I did it. I have no idea how I will write a novel, be in a show and take a quilting class that includes me making a quilt BUT I will try. I also have not started nor have I any ideas on what I will write about. So there is that. Jim, Sally, I hope you are happy.

Hollow-dinner Party

We decided to have a few people over for some mildly scary movies tonight. By that we mean for sure some "Shawn of the Dead" and then maybe some thrillers like "Dead Again" or some Hitchcock that are all politely on demand with Netflix, so we can stream them through the Roku player. Which means that we have been up all day doing tasks (and I was extra good and got up and did an exercise video!) including some cleaning and quite a bit of shopping and prepping for the cooking.

Our initially hoping to plan towards spooky but now planned towards snacky menu includes:

A black bean soup (seasoned with bacon) that Sam is preparing
A tray of veggies (focused around carrots and orange bell peppers for the holiday-me
Some Roasted Red Pepper Hummus and a ranch dip (both store bought or mix)-me
Chocolate Chunk and Spiced Nut cookies-Sam
Gorgonzola, Honey, Pear Bruchetta (super easy and delicious from Giada)-me
And Sam is simmering some hot spiced cider that is making the house smell awesome!!

Also since it is a movie night we have a ton of microwave popcorn ready to be fresh hot popped and since it is Halloween there is a bowl full of candy even though we do not get trick-or-treat-ers in our building.

It will only be about six of us in total, but it should be a very nice night!

Nice Skin, it seems like

All September and some of the beginning of October I was suffering from annoying skin. It wasn't bad, and I didn't have acne or anything but it wasn't cool. I felt like I could never get my face clean and it just was icky skin.

Then I heard about this face cleaning brush that uses all fancy sonic movement like the fancy sonic toothbrush, but it was super expensive and I had no idea if it worked. Then a fun blogger (who is the sister of my coworker) started blogging that she was using it at Broke Ass Bride and that it was great. And around that time I got a big gift card to one of the few places you can buy it, so it would only cost me about $40 instead of $160 (including tax) for the baby version of it.

So I got it, but I was super nervous. And I have been using it for three weeks or maybe a bit more, and my skin is fixed. It is back to what it used to be or even better. It is soft and smooth and just feels amazing. Now I would be that part of my improvement is due to buying a big fancy expensive thing making me be a lot more serious about my whole skin regimen. Now I for sure cleanse with toner and moisturizer and am much more diligent about cleaning two times a day. That is part of the improvement (likely) but not all of it. This machine is awesome.

If you are serious about your skin or are having major skin issues or just have a crap ton of money to blow, I would suggest this. I have a Clarisonic Mia face cleaner thingy . Mine is white and not the totally lame pink one. I am not super fond of their cleanser that comes with it, so I bought a milk cleanser from Bliss Labs and I use either drug store witch hazel as my toner or one by H2O+ and during the day I moisturize with a Eucerin one with like a 30 spf and at night I use H20+ hydrater and now I have a lovely, lovely face with beautiful skin.

I did not receive any sort of payment or free shit for this post (although lord I wish I would have).

Sinus Infection confirmed and other news

Actually it might just be inflammation, my doctor didn't actually call it an infection.  But you can kind of see that above my left eye there is a puffiness and some swelling from super grody sinuses that isn't above my right eye which is why I get bad headaches and feel kind of crappy of late. 

 

And Donald will be pleased to note that she didn't even suggest antibiotics as a remedy.  She immediately got me a big prescription (with a refill in the next year) for some serious decongestant with anti-histamine, so I should be able to clear this up and be ready for the next time my sinuses fill more fiercely than the usual over the counter meds can take care of.

 

In the other news, I went to the taping of "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me: The NPR News Quiz" with Sallyacious last night because Luke Burbank (a guest on the panel and the host of my favorite imaginary radio show-that means podcast-TBTL) gave them to me!  I was his VIP guest!!  We sat in the front row (right in front of the audience mic, so you might even hear me).  It was a super funny version of the show with Luke and Julia Sweeney and Ask Aimee (Dickenson) as the panel.

 

Plus I went up and met him after the show, and he was super nice and funny and really really cool.  He gave Sally a hard time about being an eleven and not a ten, but I will start guiding her towards episodes and segments that I think she would really like (because some of the show not really up her alley).

 

It was an awesome end to a day that started with me waking up to no alarm after I was supposed to be at work in a week where Sam and I had been having difficulties (see previous posts, those things continued to be a challenge) and I had been suffering from terrible sinus headaches and some insomnia.  A good laugh and a big surprise were just what I needed, and when I met him afterwards he told me that he picked out of the list, someone he thought would be fun and would really enjoy going, so he even picked me which is a wonderful feeling!

Seriously feeling not cool

I think it is likely to be sinusitis (or sinus infection) because I have headache and nausea and some slight teeth and jaw pain and some tenderness and pain around the eyes, so yes I will be calling my doctor to see if I can get in and get some serious decongestants to clear this shit up.

Ick.

A Whole New Plan

So, as of the end of summer Sam seemed to have kicked the physical addiction of needing to drink everyday, but since then he usually has a major relapse every two-three weeks that lasts a day or two and is some serious binging often into late at night. This usually left me really upset at him and him feeling really awful. And it was just a really terrible cycle that we were trapped in of really great times followed by ragingly awful times that often included big fights.

A friend of mine's stepdad is a therapist specializing in addiction medicine and has done a lot of research on it. He is especially interested in a concept called harm reduction which woks on fixing the emotional and psychological problems/issues that cause people to fill them with addictions and the risky behavior that goes with it. Does this sound familiar? Basically the idea is that for people who instant abstinence isn't working or sustainable for (again familiar), should maybe just focus on reducing the harm they do to themselves and their life while working with their therapist to fix (long term) the underlying emotional and psychological bits.

Sam has been seeing a therapist. And the binging was hurting me as much or more than it hurt Sam. So, we decided to sort of try a harm reduction approach. I asked him to come up with a max limit of drinking for any given week that he felt he could comfortably stay within the limits of, and I would go along with that and not be a crazy person as long as his plan included the following: drinking everyday was unacceptable, it needed to be kind of close to the limits that his doctor said wouldn't fuck with his medicine, and that it ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT include drinking by himself alone late at night and preferably had all his drinking chaperoned. I picked those limits because that is what makes me a crazy deranged person.

As part of the plan, we would both agree that this is not a judgment plan or a final plan. It is a work in progress, and we both needed to be very clear and very vocal if it wasn't working for us, so we could make adjustments that reduced the harm to our relationship as necessary, and we would give everything a fighting chance to work. Because quite frankly I don't really care if he drinks now that he doesn't need to drink a bottle of wine everyday. I care that he gets better, and I care that he doesn't destroy our relationship with the crazy binging.

So, Sam came up with the following plan. He can drink up to three times a week (with a week being Monday-Sunday). However, if he is drinking on a work night, he has to have less than two drinks and if he is drinking on a Friday or Saturday or other non-work night, he may have up to four drinks.

Last night we had our first test. We had a bottle of wine, and he had three glasses, so he didn't even hit the maximum (and I admitted to him that I was really worried that he would strain the maximums of this every time instead of just having it be something he could sometimes live well within the margins of). Hopefully this will be a better working solution for us. And hopefully he will get the emotional wounds he needs healed fixed up by his head shrinker.

Things to Ponder

Via Chris P, it occurred to me that Sam and I cannot actually have a baby. At least not while we have Steve McQueen because he would totally eat a baby. It would be an enemy for him to destroy. You know he would.

Envision this: A little infant lying on the floor on a baby blanket for tummy time. A blanket that sort of functions like a rug, a rug that Steve will know belongs to him because all rug like thing belong to him. A rug that some kicky move-y thing is lying on. A rug that must be liberated from said smelly kicky move-y thing by any means necessary which in Steve's case means biting and kicking and force. So, yeah, we can't have a baby, and I am really beginning to rethink this having another kitty business because I don't want to make Steve unhappy. And this means that I have become one of those crazy neurotic city people who's kitty is their baby. But you know what? I think I am fine with that.

This is not a depressing or disturbing post (but if you do not like those skip the following two)

My kitty cuddled up and was loving to me for a large portion of last night, and that was awesome.

I am going to be good and start using the treadmill in the exercise room, even as I plan to read while I am on it. Just going to crank the amount it ramps up as I walk on it.

Yesterday I got in the mail a copy of a Life Magazine from 1958 that features a spread on Mies van der Rohe and even more our apartment building and its neighbor/twin. It is pretty awesome. So is the magazine with its ads and products and life from that era (these kind of appalling old recipies that I almost want to make just because they seem so ridiculous).

Sam found

Five hours after his last text he calls me. I guess it is no surprise that he went out drinking. He never read any text messages while he was out, and he saw that I was calling but never wanted to talk to me all night long. At least, that is what he drunkenly just told me on the way home.

He is in McDonald's getting a cheeseburger. Let's hope he can make it the rest of the way home without altercation. He must pass his archenemy homeless people to get home. He likes to lecture them about not taking people's money. They do not like to be lectured by drunk, rich, white boys. He also likes to tell other drunk white people that the homeless people are not nice and to not give them money. The homeless dudes especially do not like him doing that.

No Sam

I came home a little after 10:30 to see no fiancee in the house. It is an hour later and he still is not here. He has not responded to a good ten texts and a good ten phone calls. The last I heard from him was a one word text at 9:30 when I was at my show. Well the show I am in some episodes in but not tonight, tonight I was watching the show. The show he was too feeling poorly to go and see. Not, though, feeling poorly enough that he would stay in the motherfucking house.

And such is the life of loving an alcoholic. I have no idea where he is. I have some guesses, and I could go wander the streets in search of him. However, I also know that he seems to have some homeless/junkie/begging/vagrants who he has pissed off a bit and once had to get a cop walk him past. Also some other guy who hates drunk Sam. Plus IF he is drunk (which let's face it he must be or he would be home or in contact with me), he could be in jail, hit by a car, or mugged or worse, and I would have no way of knowing.

So I sit at home. Angry and terrified because I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Should I get ice skates--Also why have I not posted in forever?

No particular reason. I just didn't. I felt like I had nothing to muster up into a thing. Not even that much twitter wise. Also I got in trouble at work. Trouble over, hopefully for good. It was weird and ridiculous and now I am glad that it is over. On to better blogging. (PS Jim I am thinking I maybe sort of want to ChiMoWriMo, NaNoWriMo, so maybe press me to that).

In about 4 weeks the ice rinks in Chicago open up, for free! Well there are some in Chicago land that are not free, but two downtown near my office are free until March or April when it gets warm and they close them down. Skate rental is not free. But if I buy some ice skates I can go whenever I want.

It seems I can get some skates for right around $50 (which is about 6-10 trips worth of skating) but will I skate if I have them. I could keep them at work. It is a short bus trip away, but I will always be skating by myself. Well not by myself, but I have no skating buddy. I wonder if I could get sara jo to get skates with me? Or better yet, I should have Natalie or my mom look into skates from around there, used ones and get them at Thanksgiving.

I want to go skating. I want to go more. I should get them right?

Beautiful Day

Yesterday was one of those lovely just the tiniest bit crisp fall days, and Sally and I took full advantage by walking out on Northerly Island (a bird and butterfly habitat) and walking along the lake. Then I went home and fell asleep like a small child. And then I made blue box mac and cheese with bits of hot dog for dinner. After Sam's homemade mac and cheese, it was not as flavorful or cheesy as my mind remembered it.

Kitty searching

So, Sam and I have been discussing about the idea of getting a new cat for a while. Obviously we will keep the old one, but we wondered if he might be less of an asshole if he had a buddy. Although he never seemed to be very close friends with his old buddy (but that one wasn't very fun). So we were looking for some kitty with spunk, front declaw (or the permission to front declaw them), preferably female, who would love us and steve and let steve love her (or him).

We think we have found one. I am not going to say more because we have initiated a conversation with the owner/adopter/etc of this lovely little kitty lady. Depending on how that goes, we will go meet her, and then we maybe will bring her home to love her.

Blog Tweaks

I am tweaking the things.

If you would like to be on my blog roll, please email me the link info or just tell me. If you tell me, it may take about a week for me to get my shit in order and do the editing at home where all my friends blogs are favorited.

I am not sure I am a big fan of the Twitter gadget, so I may nix it. I am thinking about trying to monetize it, but I might not. I more likely will get a site for my wedding blogging and try to monetize that.

I encourage feedback on the changes.

Sweet Home Chicago

The 2016 Olympics gets a home in just a few hours. Everything around here seems to ask "We back the bid" do you?

I don't know.

I was raised in a family that is obsessed with Olympics. Some of my earliest memories revolve around watching the LA Olympics in 1984, and I got to stay up late to watch Greg Louganis in Seol in 1988. Lots of summertime was spent watching Barcelona and Atlanta in 1992 and 1996. And I corrupted my roommate with hours and hours of Sydney during Hello Dolly in 2000 (we even decorated hats in front of it). I didn't have TV during Athens in 2004, but I would head down to the Ale house to eat or drink and watch upon occasion (like shot put in Olympia!!). Sam and I both watched quite a bit of Beijing last year. That is just the summer games!

BUT, it is one thing to watch it on television. I have always hoped to attend a games, but like on vacation. Like hey lets go to London AND see some Olympics while we were on vacation and doing other vacationy things. Where we went for a few days around our event tickets and then headed out to elsewhere in the vicinity.

Hosting the Olympics in your own city is another thing. It is threeish weeks of likely Public Transportation nightmares. Right now I am walking distance to my job, will that still be true in 2016? Who knows? The tourists, officials, athletes, etc that it would bring to the city would be awesome in theory and likely a pain in my life's ass. But I think it would be good for the city, and I think we would do a good job. Of course I could maybe even get a job working for the Olympics. That would be cool.

On the other hand, if we still live in the same place downtown, we likely could rent our place out for the two weeks and take a sweet ass vacation far away and subsidized by said rental. That would be awesome too (although kind of lame to miss the Olympics in my backyard). So I am not sure I back the bid (and for totally petty selfish reasons, so sue me).

In a few hours that might be a moot point.

Day Off

And it is really quite off today, as I have to spend most of it waiting for the RCN cable people to get here to make my AMC work on the TV that tivos (so it will be able to tivo Mad Men).

It will also be a day of cleaning (which is mostly done, please ignore the dishes) and of catching up on the Tivo and some Netflix and some reading.

Last night I saw my friend Azar's production of Top Girls (she directed), and it was pretty flippin sweet. She had some good kiddos working in it, a great lead actress, and wonderfully simple and inventive stage pictures considering she did the show in a classroom where she had to remove the entire set and lighting each day. Go Azar!

Ooooooh, forgot the major looking forward to tonight: Rick Bayless (THE Top Chef Master)'s fine dining Mexican Restaurant Topolobampo. I am sure I will have lots to write about later.

Oh, and we got a scale. In order to keep better tabs on the weight which is out of my optimum range and needs to get back into it, but I was thrilled to discover that I have lost about 6 pounds from when I was the heaviest. I kind of figured that from how clothes were fitting, but I still need to slim down a bit more for my healthiness.

Scavenger Hunts Are AWESOME!!!

Seriously. It was way fun and way a lot of walking at a very fast pace to figure things out. Total fun, but we were kind of not as organized or as committed as we needed to be to start out. We didn't do all three sections because we just weren't going to have enough time (without a car) to travel down to the south side and back and get any clue answers. So we did some bonus questions.

Then we headed to Navy Pier for some hot dogs and free pop, wine, and beer. There we saw the correct answers (we did very well), and then we waited for the results. The top 10 teams were going to have one member compete in a trivia contest, but we were pretty sure there was no way we were in the top ten teams (it just seemed so unlikely out of like 40 teams). But we were 8th!! Which meant we won a poster and our teammate was on the block for some better prizes. And by our teammate I mean me. I got one answer correct, and we placed fourth (just outside of the big fancy prizes-which were not terribly big or terribly fancy). But seriously, how tremendous is that?!

Anyway, scavenger hunts are way fun!!

Fabric Shaver Extrodinaire

I bought one on amazon. It seemed kind of expensive thinking of the little handheld wheezy battery operated one that my mom used to have, but this one was able to plug into the wall which I thought made it worth it if you factored in buying batteries a couple of times.

And then it came in the mail and was ENORMOUS, twice as big as my hand as opposed to small enough to fit inside the palm of it (a fabric shaver is a little devices with screened blades and a bit of a vacuum that shaves the pills of of sweaters and other fabrics, extending their lives and making them look much nicer). It also has some major suction and is clearly a great cutter! The one I recall from my youth barely cut things, but this puppy is a whiz. It took me 5 minutes to breathe new life into two very pilly cheap ass cardigans (well one cheap ass and one nice), and I haven't even introduced it to my cashmere sweater yet! I am in heaven.

Next to arrive from amazon a scale and a thing that will help remove cat hair from couches, carpet, fabric and upholstered furniture!

Also, I think that I am going to need to buy a nice compact, unbreakable, good quality, easy digital camera. Because I think Sam and I are on the verge of major wedding planning, and I am going to get hard core about wedding blogging. Miss Creant at your service.

Oh, also should get it to document and blog tomorrow's big day. We are doing a scavenger hunt based on the Daniel Burnham Plan for Chicago through WBEZ here in Chicago (home of This American Life and Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me the NPR News Quiz). It should be totally fun even if it rains all over our parade like it is supposed to.

Doctors are not the most fun

Well maybe doctors are but doctors appointments are not. I went for the lady exam which is mostly uncomfortable, and then we decided to tack on the flu shot since I was there already. Awesome. A shot and prodded lady bits.

Dinner Party

I sort of cobbled one out of nothing this afternoon. For tomorrow.

However, Sallyacious is bringing a salad, so there is that. I am going to buy the bread. The dessert I want to make is super easy to make, I just need to make sure I do it early in the morning, so it has plenty of time to chill (it is a French Silk Pie). I am making pasta with peas and pancetta again, but this time no parm. I am going to make more of it this time, but it was also super easy, so that will take me 45 minutes.

Now I just need to think of some veggie something that will be a main dish for Sara Jo who doesn't eat meat. I think I just may make some grilled veggies with Parmesan cheese. That would be tasty, and I can maybe hit the green city market to find some.

Actually all laid out there it seems easier. Sam and I have already sort of cleaned things up, so the house should easily be ready.

Oh Emmy's

Following a live blog of it as I watch it live, but live sucks because of the commercial breaks, but perhaps I ought to make a root beer float. That would make everything better.

I have a big stack of books to read over the next few weeks. I am halfway through Jennifer Wiener's Best Friends Forever and Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Breaking Dawn is still pretty bad as I feel they mostly all have been, shoddily written, shoddily plotted and it takes an eternity for anything to happen plotwise-an eternity where the lead characters a pretty insufferable and deliberating about doing something that never ends up being a surprise even if they whine a lot in advance.

Right after those I have The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder by the lady who wrote the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. And Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

weekend

Sam and I are so exciting We made a very quick (well actually I made) a pasta with pancetta, parmesan, and peas. It was delicious and salty and crispy and pea-y. And then we climbed into bed to watch some HGTV, and I ate a root beer float and Sam fell sound asleep. He is asleep next to me right now.

I think I may join him, or at least read some stuff. And then join him.

Gay Fish Y'all

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye sweetie pie.  Please learn to respect those around you.  You are not the boss of everything, and sometimes life disappoints you and you just have to get over it and move on without crapping in someone's pool over it.

 

Also, Washington State, please get over your damn self and do not cloak the signees for the hate initiative that wants to get on the ballot.  If you feel so strongly for something that you would sign a petition like that, you do so with the assumption and knowledge that it will be a matter of public record (that is the point of the f'ing petition, to show public support).  If later that turns out to be embarassing to you, maybe you did the wrong f'ing thing! 

 

That is all.

Whirlwind trip basically over

Sam and I are sitting on the el at Midway and waiting for it to take us to the red line and then all the way home. Because we did it, trip went great and super smooth.

Now all that is left of my weekend is to go to the U2 CONCERT!!! Which will be my second time seeing them (my first time seeing them in 8+ years) and be super fun.

I am already tired from lots of weird sleep over the last few days, so I will be even more exhausted after tonight and tomorrow I have a show! But Wednesday is very easy on the planning, a brunch with Sallyacious and our friend Jamie and then sleeping. Lots of sleeping, I fortell it now.

TBT----WHAT?!!

Awww, my favorite nighttime Seattle radio show is kind of sort of not quite cancelled. Now it is just a podcast which I guess since I like it as a podcast and listened to it live on the radio once in Seattle for like 20 minutes. So I guess technically it is mostly the same for me. And they won't have to do radio show type things on the podcast like take breaks that never go anywhere. But this was strangely devastating. Like I almost cried.

Westward Ho!

Tonight we go to Spokane on the planes through Denver. It should be very easy and fine. However on the way back, there are possible thunderstorms and if I miss U2 for some lightening I will be pissed (because yes on the same day that we fly home we are to go to a U2 concert that very night!).

Busiest Day Off Ever!

Seriously, it was just going to be my date day with Sallyacious and like make dinner and still get to sleep in. But oh no, I couldn't stop at that.

First things first, I am getting a mani-pedi at 9:30am at a nearby salon with a grand opening and a GREAT discount (get a pedi and get a free mani) which will be great for the wedding I am attending this weekend (also nice for my peace of mind).

Then I will have about half and hour to speed walk my way to Charnley-Persky House to get in line for a free tour. It is an early collaboration of Louis Sullivan and Frank Lloyd-Wright and free on Wednesdays if you are one of the 15 people who get in line on time.

Then we will walk around the corner and down the street for the museum of surgical science that has a cool exhibit on pictures of medical things like germs and stuff. I am not actually sure what the exhibit is, but it sounds super cool, and Sallyacious really wanted to see it.

Then at 4:30pm I have a NIA class several blocks south of where we were and west of my house. NIA is this crazy dancy, free style, kind of aerobic stretchy, movey sort of exercise class that I started taking Idaho but haven't taken since I moved here. I either found them too expensive or impossible to get to while working, rehearsing, etc. Anyway, this class is nearby and on my Wednesdays off, and something I really should do to get me moving more (because I kind of think my recent weight gain and a few other health things are due to stress which I fed with food and then that made me more sedentary etc, and if I just get moving it will help me climb out of this rut). I plan to go every Wednesday in September.

Finally, I will have to hit a grocery store on the way home from that to pick up some sour cream and tortillas for some enchiladas that I will make when I get home. They will be dinner, black bean enchiladas. Maybe I will try to bake them with peach slices on top? Only if I have some seriously kicky green chiles (although I could add some cayenne to the sauce) so the heat and the sweet can balance out.

Now I am just rambling on. I can stop that now.

The Future In-Laws Have Hit the Road

They took some of the delicious raspberry and blackberry scones I bought yesterday with them (they were from a bakery called "Taste of Heaven" that is totally not overselling itself with the name). They left behind them some money that we are to use to buy a bookshelf or two or three to replace my crappy Target bookshelf that is precariously in the window in the corner of the apartment.

There are two good options, but I think we might err on the side of these cool modern ones where you put the books in on their side and there seems to be a magical stack of floating books in the apartment.

We also had some lovely fun and conversation and my friend Chris met Sam's parents whom he greatly liked.

This has made me happy for most of the week

It is a clip from Wife Swap which is a terrible show, but this clip just cracks my shit up! Every time. I cannot handle it. It just slays me. Please watch, it is at least a little bit worth it.

Curtis and Joy

"Bacon is good for me."

Weekend with the In-Laws

Well the future in-laws. Sailing tomorrow (but BRIGHT and early) and then some Graham Elliot at night. Sunday I have rehearsal all day but apparently we are then hosting a dinner for them, crazy old lady next door, and my friend Chris who thinks it will be interesting.

Work is skipping out early today for some "team building" to take place at the bar downstairs, everyone please pray the boss does not call while I am there.

Day Done

Well, I got some pictures made, but I forgot to make blown up copies of the ones I have and like.

I did hang out with Sally.

I did finish unpacking (well kind of, there is some straightening/serious examination of this one little bag of random but the bag is put away-kind of-in the closet.

I did mostly clean up the house.

I did have a rehearsal that was very tiring. Sometimes working on original stuff is totally awesome, sometimes it is less awesome. Let's just say that my acting can try and fix a problem that would be better solved by editing, but editing in the first place would've made everything better.

And I didn't have to make dinner because Sam went out sailing with a friend who owns a fancy ridiculous boat.

So shelf rearranging will commence tomorrow in tandem with picture blowing up.

Not bad. Not too bad at all.

Day Off

It was wonderful to get to sleep in today. And now I have stuff to do later in the day, so I should be getting my stuff into gear. I shouldn't be lying in bed with a laptop across my thighs wasting time (although blogging is probably the least time wasty thing that I am doing).

To do today:

Put all the books on shelves away in a nice less crowdedy sort of way (while also removing the paper covers).

Unpack the last to little bits of things left from the move.

Clean up around the place.

Maybe send some pictures to Walgreens to change up some of the frames in the house.

Meet up with my friend Sally in Andersonville for some exploring and maybe some food.

Have rehearsal.

Oh I think I am supposed to make something that Sam can have for dinner too.

So far all I have done is sleep a lot, blog a little, tend to my facebook farm, and watch Revolutionary Road.

Foodie much?

In the last few weeks I have made reservations for weeks in advance at restaurants.  The first time was last week I made a reservation at Graham Elliot for Sam's parents and us because they are only here for a weekend, and I think they will really like this place AND it has a decent amount of dairy-free options for his mom.  Plus it is not what you are going to get in Tulsa (and as a bonus the head chef was in the early round of Top Chef Masters and has done Iron Chef America).  But I only did it in advance so we could for sure get in and not want to go to some good restaurant and not be left disappointed and going someplace we just settled for.

 

Today I made two different reservations (one that I am going to cancel) at Topolobampo for the end of September.  Because I want the Top Chef Masters winning tasting menu.  I WANT IT!  There is a mole there that just makes me crazy with wanting. WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT.  I will now get.  On the last day of September.  I initially made reservation for the 29th (because if we wanted to eat before 9:00pm, that is how long you had to wait on opentable), but then one of the people intending to go with us told me Tuesdays were a no-go, so I did Wednesday.  I can't wait!

Slow stories

I am a big fan of Mad Men, and since it just started its third season it is getting a bunch of publicity (note that I just got on board with seeing episodes of all of the first two seasons right before season three started). It tells its stories in a way that most TV shows do not right now. You have to pay attention and you have to be patient and hang in there to get the reward. It is lush in its art direction and costume design, but very subtle in its storytelling, and it tends to go for more character driven, character revealing tone and mood pieces than it does plot. Plot happens but very, very slowly.

Like I said, it isn't like most TV right now. Most TV doesn't trust its audience to be paying attention and to return without big brash cliffhangers each episode.

Well, and sadly Mad Men's ratings would seem to suggest that there isn't a tremendous audience for those shows that do put their faith in the viewer. But it is magical. And awful. It is about the way that things are not always what they seem on the surface and it uses the backdrop of the (so far early) 1960's to lay that story out.

This is the Camelot 60's not the flower power 60's yet. It is much more what you would expect of the 1950's. And knowing what we do of Vietnam, the Civil Rights movements, the SDCC, etc we know that this pale, fragile facade is about to crack wide open. This show revolves around a man who is very clearly not what he seems. Early on we discover that the lead character has at some point stolen the identity of someone else. The longer you watch, the more clues you get into how that came about, how the new man with the new name and the new life came about from the old man and his old life.

It is beautiful, but ugly all at once. Things have come a long way since that time. The show doesn't hide from the racism, sexism, smoking, alcoholism, segregation, etc. that was commonplace for people of the time. Kids don't wear seat belts, people litter, everybody smokes-even pregnant women.

Lots of people who have tried the show don't like it (not TV critics though, they pretty universally praise it, but it is a brilliant story told brilliantly, of course they love it, especially in the sea of hurried, slapdash, insipid shows that fill a lot of their time). I read a blog by a TV critic who does indepth reviews of every episode--even in his day job where he at best writes a few articles each season on the show. Each post is usually quite long and always insightful, and fanatic fans like me devour it and often comment on it with comments leading into the hundreds. This morning there was a new post up. And some of the commenters are clearly not fans of the show, but they come in to post that they find it boring.

Ok, great. You don't have to like it, but why do you have to interject that you don't in a place that is clearly for the people who really, really love it. Those people make me mad! I get that those people clearly do want to ruin other people's fun, but I am sad for them that they do.

If the above sounds like something you might be interested in, I think you should take a look at Mad Men, but if you find you don't like it, I will understand. Although I would advise that it is the kind of thing that should be given your full attention, unlike many other things that can be followed in the background of using the computer or playing solitaire or whatever.

Also for Serenity fans, the crazy red headed chick who tried to convince Mal that they were married and was really like an assassin is a major character and TOTALLY awesome in this show. It also has Zoe Bartlett in it, and Wendy Preffercorn (lotioning and lotioning, oiling and oiling) from Sandlot.

So tired lately

I have been sleeping very badly for the last few days. All wakeful and restless. It sucks. I am however basically moved in. Tonight I will tackle a small pile of WTF/Where the hell can this possibly go stuff and then we are all in.

I look forward to next Wednesday, although I will schedule an appointment with my doctor for that day, I plan mostly to do nothing, lots of nothing, and then the following Wednesday I might take advantage of a whole day to go down to the Museum of Science and Industry and see the Harry Potter exhibit, or maybe I will museum it up closer to home.

Decided on a project

Inspired by my coworker Michael's little sister (the Broke Ass Bride) and in search of a project, I am going to blog my wedding planning (because lets face it I was going to do it anyway). However I am going to do it in its own spot. Not sure where, but I am going to join the avalanche of bridal bloggers. They all have a cute little Miss ________ name. Like Miss Meatball (the broke ass bride who is a vegetarian but whatever) or Miss Cupcake or something. I am thinking of unique Miss names that haven't already been taken, and I think I might decide to be Miss BLT for no other reason than I have been obsessed with BLT's lately.

What think you all?

Feelings of Inadequacy

I am applying for a new job. But not applying for any and every new job like an escape. I am applying for one very specific new job. At the zoo. It will be really cool and a job I could love with my whole heart. It has like almost everything I could hope for in a job. That is assuming that it is full time and has benefits which it didn't totally specify. However, if it close to full time, that is good enough. If I really need benefits, Sam and I can elope which would actually solve all sorts of wedding planning woes.

Anyway, Sam is looking at my resume which I haven't looked at/touched in over a year. He is some sort of zen guru of resumes (and he will gladly help people out with them because he likes it), but he kept sending me IM's today as he looked at it that freaked me out like I don't even know how to do a resume. Although I knew it had severe formatting problems because it was originally done in word or it might have been word perfect, and now the copy I have of it is in Google docs and things got weirded out as it changed, but the important part was all the resume stuff was in one place, like the information was there. That is the part that is hard to resurrect. It even had some contact information that is accurate.

So I feel inadequate about my resume, but fortunately the zoo hasn't seen it yet. I hope that it will be turned in tomorrow.

Procrastination

I am at it right now. I am lying in bed typing this and watching some Mad Men. I should be heading to my apartment to finish the packing up and throwing away and cleaning up. I will, and I think I will do it the long walky way where I can stop and have an orange julius.

Well now I really have to move

I booked some movers and booked the freight elevator at Sam's.  So now I really have to have stuff done by next Wedneday at noon.  However, I have a lot of time between now and then and I already have several things packed.  It will be ok.

 

That is really all I have for today.  Except for the fact that I really enjoy that Corner Bakery (a yummy kind of quick kind of cheap lunch chain here) has an insane plethora of tasty caffeine free beverages to choose from at lunch.  A Lemonade that is more lemonade than vaguely lemony wateryish stuff.  A caffeine free diet coke.  Some juice choices. AND, their lemon-lime soda is Fresca!  Which is not lemon lime but it delightful and citrusy!  It has been making my afternoon all afternoon.

Possible Project

I have been thinking about being better about focusing on doing productive and enriching things outside of work. Like art projects or exercise or better eating rather than watching crap on the tivo. But I am not sure what to do and I am lazy. Although I have been getting a lot of good reading done lately so I am not totally a a wusstastic washout.

Anyway, I probably should get beyond the total move in to Sam's before I start anything but here are my thoughts on the horizon.

1) Make audio recordings of the solo autobiographical things I want to work on and post them here and maybe other places for feedback. This is an especially good idea because I think it is an ideal first step to see where exactly I need work. As I feel I am many steps away from getting a space and just doing it as well as from hitting open mic nights and just doing it. And I think this is the right first step that should maybe illuminate some of the other steps I must take.

2) Starting a new blog. This blog would document every bit of food I eat for an enitre year. It is inspired by some art I was reading about in the New Yorker as well as being an ideal writing exercise. Plus I think the variance between the total junk food crap I like, health-ish food we make at home, Sam's forays into foodiness, and the great restaurants we hit in Chicago and elsewhere would make a great variation. Also I think it might be a bit of a diet aid because I might be able to see where I go wrong and/or at least stop eating quite so many candy bars at work.

Idea number 2 however has the marking of a MAJOR time consuming undertaking. What does anyone think? Which should I take up?

More drainage, ex boyfriends, crazy cupcakes, cousins, and more

First of all I need to say that I saw someone wearing one of the shirtdresses that are popular now, but her dress may have just been an actual shirt and it was indecent. Like she was walking down the street and I think I saw her hoohoo. Because it was like a big man's shirt but with exaggeratedly long front and back with big styled curves in it. But in the dresses they usually button down well past where they would in a real shirt otherwise a vajayjay would pop out and inappropriate times. This shirt/dress did not button down that far. I live near a lake and there is a breeze, so I think I saw her hoohoo. But she looked scary and was smoking so I didn't say anything.

Still having major drainage issues at night which are leading to snoring a lot and coughing and really crappy sleep. I have been trying to salinate my sinuses in a neti pot fashion, but may also buy these eucalyptus tablet things that you put in the shower and they create good vapor. Oooh, thai food might be a good idea too! Really spicy thai food.

Last night I got some texts from my baby brother who was at Red Robin in our hometown with friends where he saw my ex-boyfriend Jesus boy (who was given that nickname because of his very overt and sudden rebirth in Christianty as an evangelical but who know has grown a beard and hair to look like Jesus to play him in his ministry--weird, I know). Jesus boy was at some sort of bachelor party. My brother was weirded out, but he used to like Jesus boy a lot when we were dating and he was fun and not so serious about the god business. My brother kept texting me if he should go say hi, and I said he TOTALLY should just to talk to him to see how he was because this is fascinating to me. Although my brother seemed to get nothing interesting out of the conversation except that he says congratulations on my engagement and that my friends Sergio and Uriel say hello. Boring, not exciting. I will have to call brother to pump for better information.

Last night I got out of rehearsal and back down town in time to go to MORE a cupcake bakery down the street. Their motto is that if you can eat it or drink it they can make a cupcake version of it. My boss ordered their cupcakes for my birthday for the office and they were delicious. So belatedly for Sam's birthday I wanted to get him some birthday cupcakes. I got two Red Velvet ones and then two of the savory ones they get press for. We haven't tried the maple bacon one yet, but we did have the BLT flavored cupcake. It had like a white bread with bacon pieces in it cake (that was more cakey and sweet than white bread but obviously was inspired by) and they frosted it with like a ranch dip frosting and slices of cherry tomatoes. IT WAS AWESOME and crazy. Like the first bite you thought umm, no this is really strange and I cannot like this, but the second bite you went no wait, this is delicious and savory frosting is a brilliant idea and then you wolfed the rest down. We split it in half and loved every morsel.

Also yesterday (because well what didn't happen then), my cousin and her fiancee stopeed by on their cross country driving trek from Seattle to Boston where they both start grad school very soon (the fiancee at MIT and my cousin at Boston University). We let their cats stretch out in my apartment bathroom, let their car park for free on my street and I took them for Potbelly's sandwiches around the corner. It was great to see her, and I might have to make a trip to Boston!

Post cold drainage

It leaves me with the grossest morning feeling and just a pinch of congestion all day.  This leads to a general uncomfortableness.

 

Also my hours are probably going to be upped at work, which is kind of sucky and not.  Not sucky because I am paid hourly and if my hours go up I will get paid more but sucky because I like not having that many hours.  I like my afternoons and freedom and it is worth the drop in pay.  And if they go up it is likely I will start hunting for something else to do.  Just because I like this job a whole lot less for every hour over thirtyfive hours a week that it makes me do.

 

On the happy front, I got my engagement ring yesterday afternoon.  It is beautiful and very green and a lot more ring than I am used to wearing as well as freaking me out because it is a lot more possession than I am used to having.  I keep seeing me wearing all the possessions I have that would equal it on my finger which is bizarre.

 

Also Sam's mother, my sister, and my mother are all planning our wedding for us already.  I am not sure that is the best idea.  It is already stressing me out and I haven't planned anything yet.  We haven't set a date.  At the very least Sam and I are making it to his 90 days mark which is still a few months away.  I can't handle weddings.  Although his parents said they will pay the deposit for us to reserve our space, if we have it picked out in order to get things started because we will likely have to reserve it way in advance.

 

AUGHHHH!!!  My friend Heather (Yellow Heather) always advised me to elope with an orphan.  I already wish I had.

The Killers RULED

Seriously, Lollapalooza as mostly hot and I mean some of the stuff we heard was good but not good enough to override the fact that it was hot sticky crowded and smelly and then Chris and I went to the Killers. We got decently close and we danced the whole concert. Well, Chris danced a bunch of the concert. I did not stop dancing! I never ever did!! It was so fun and they were a great show. Brandon Flowers is a smidge pretentious and then they play a song that makes you leap up and down. It was great. Super fun. I may not ever go to Lolla again because I am not really a large outdoor concert festival kind of girl. But that concert was an awesome experience that was worth it.

Things I pondered today while on a bathroom break

I don't love my job. In my defense I am not sure what job I would love. Well I think I would love blogging and tweeting as a full time job and some people do that, but I think I too lazy to work my butt off how it should be to get my own blog in the state for that to happen, and I don't know how you get hired for that job otherwise. Like, where would I get that gig? But related to that I might see if I can work my way on to be a contributer to a few local blogs I read, but I bet I have to clean some stuff up to get there. Yes, Julie and Julia and Diablo Cody are leading me to the fantasy of my blog being discovered and me being somehow magically not doing my current job and doing something cooler. Ok, this was not what this post was supposed to be about. It was supposed to start like this:

I don't love my job, but I am kind of apathetic about working right now and think no one REALLY loves their jobs, like 5 people do, and I didn't win that lottery, instead I won the one where I have naturally curly red hair and tons of it, so I don't get to complain. But arguably, I do like the part where I get stuff ready for my boss and take care of him and get him all settled and calm, you know like a nanny or a mom or a 1950's housewife. WHAT? Yes, I said that. Would it then make more sense for me to start having some babies and be one?

Ladies and gentlemen I started to ponder this today.

Then I thought it all the way through and went, ummmmmm NO. Because here is the thing, I can quit this job. Or find a new one. I don't think that is really how it works with being a mom. I guess I could be a nanny, but I didn't really like that when I did it either. Anyway, the point is that popping out babies is not a good choice for me right now. AT ALL. And I weirdly pondered it as a solution to not really loving my job. So maybe I need another job. Or maybe this is really just post-vacation work dislike. I mean what work does anyone like when they come back from a week of vacation?

My cold is diminishing

Thank the good lord!  It is so nice to feel kind of clear.  After many days of feeling gooey and stuffy, I can mostly breathe again.

 

Last night I made chicken tacos and a peach tomato salad for dinner.  Both were very good!  The peach tomato salad was easy and from the New York Times.  Cut wedges of peaches and wedges of tomatoes add slivers of red onion, some red pepper flakes, cilantro, and dress with olive oil or lemon juice (I did olive oil).  It was soooo yummy and beautfiul and we have some left over for today for an after work snack.

 

I find myself checking my email compulsively to see if they sent me an email about picking up the ring.

 

I also still haven't told anyone at work.  Is that weird.  I just am not like close friends with any of them, and other than Patrick I would just feel weird if they got all excited.  Plus I feel stupid without the ring, and I have an intense desire to just show up one day with the ring and see who notices.  I mean, I am very happy and I want to marry Sam, but it feels so weird to tell people about the engagement.  Like I don't really need to announce it.  I have announced it to the people I want to announce it to and going further just seems weird.  Like digging for compliments.  Like saying you think you are really fat or really ugly around your best girlfriends who are never going to agree with you even if you weigh 900 pounds and are the elephant man.  I just have told all the people that i want to mean to tell.  Other people can or cannot find out and it is kind of immaterial.  I mean we haven't even started planning a wedding yet.  There is plenty of time.

 

 

Busy and Sick and Vacation is SOOOOO over

Yeah, so I am back at work.  Except not yesterday when I was curled up in a fetal position in bed in a pool of my own snot and drool because I was sick.  I still am sick, but not the immediate horrible sick of a bad head cold, the like after effect.  Augmented with medicine head.  Yeah.  Thank goodness for Tylonel cold night version that knocks me out and puts me to sleep.

 

Anyway, back in rehearsal.  Plus back at work, plus we have guests coming in for Lolla this weekend.  They get here tomorrow.  We are Lolla-ing it up on Sunday with the Killers.  It will be hot this weekend which is what I will want coming off a cold. 

 

So I am busy and sicky.  Although we have a Roku and I lurve it so much.  If you have fast internet and you netflix and you don't have an xbox 360, you should get one (your xbox 360 will do stream your videos too) and you will be in love and happy and watch movies forever.

I just got engaged!

Here are some of the details. I am still on vacation and didn't bring my laptop and the wifi I have found while out shopping about Vail has mostly sucked except at one bookstore where I twittered and facebooked the news very briefly.

Sam told me Friday that he had a secret, but that he couldn't tell me it until we got to Vail. I thought that was a dumb and weird but whatever I went along with it, we were 2 days from Vail. I didn't know what it could be, and I did think, "Oh God, he isn't going to propose or something?" and then I answered myself with an, "Oh no. There is no way he has been ring shopping lately," (because earlier that day he asked me to refresh him on what I do and do not like regarding an engagement ring--but he said he would need help from his mom or someone else).

Saturday night, we are in the hotel room in Denver, and I start to pester him about the secret, but he won't tell me because we aren't yet in Vail. Sunday night we are in Vail, and as we are getting in to bed to go to sleep, I pester him again, but he begs off until later in the week because he isn't quite ready. Monday night, we are in bed after a fairly late evening of playing Bridge with his brother and father, and I pester him again.

Now he starts to tell me that he was thinking he actually would probably wait until we got back to Chicago to tell me. At this point, I had no idea really of the secret, but I decided that was unfair to not tell me until Chicago. He had to tell me in Vail. I mean we still had several more days in Vail, BUT he better tell me. Then he tells me he will tell me if I promise not to tell anyone else until a week after we get back to Chicago. I agree to this. He gets out of bed in the dark, and I ask him what the heck is he doing. He gets something out of his suitcase and brings it around to me, where he turns on a bedside lamp, gets down on his knees next to the bed and pulls out the ring and asks me if I will marry him. I say yes. I am very stunned because I was not expecting this, but I kissed him and was very very happy!

Then I got to work on convincing him that we actually should tell people. He finally agrees and the next day (today) we tell his parents and his brother and then start calling my family and then I tweet it and then I blog it. Such is my life.

(Oh the ring--pictures later I promise--he picked it out himself by printing out what I wrote to him in the IM, taking it to Tiffany's and showing it to the person there. Then they brought him several rings and he picked it out from there. It is in a mostly platinum setting with a little bit of gold holding up the small rectangular emerald that is nestled between to triangular diamonds on either side. I love it! It is probably what I would have picked out if I had been there. He did awesome!)

Vacationing

I will be.  Starting tomorrow.  After I have to be in the office at nine am for carpet cleaning.  Which I mostly don't have to do.  All I have to do is make sure they are thorough and stay off the clean bits.

 

But tomorrow, I fly to Denver for my first time out of the airport.  Sam and I are overnighting in a hotel somewhere with his whole family.  Then we all drive to a house in Vail--a house that may be enormous and who knows how opulent but I am guessing at least pretty damn nice.  I will try to take pictures, but I have to remember to dump my camera onto my computer first.  I will not be taking my computer.  I will be taking my Kindle and the itouch.  We will get back a week from tomorrow.

 

Here is the agenda for the vacay (which I am so ready for as I am way caught up at work and bored and it is Friday):

A concert in Breckenridge

Some tennis--like some me kind of learning how to play with Sam's fam that plays a lot

Some hiking

Some laying around on a lounge chair out side and reading books

Memorizing all my lines for the next episode of the Ville where I really get running for office

 

The books that will be going with me to be read (noted with an asterisk when they are on the Kindle):

Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner*

Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage

Take the Cannoli by Sara Vowell

How to Be Single by Liz Tucillo

The Importance of Being Married by Gemma Townley

Dish: the Inside Story on the World of Gossip by Jeannette Walls

Harriet and Isabella by Patricia O'Brien

A bunch of trashy romances something like 20 of them by various authors*

Script for season 3 episode 5 of the Ville*

 

Also going, David Sedaris recording of If You Are Engulfed in Flames

 

 

Biggest bummer about the Kindle, still have to get physical library books in order to curb ridiculous spending habits that would ensue if gave persmission to self to just download a library full to the Kindle.

 

 

 

I sound like a nutjob on my favorite radio show

I do. They put me on their episode for July 21, 2009 in the last 10 minutes of their final hour of show, and I sound like a nutjob. It was an obsessive fan letter about how their "bad" radio segments are not good by the traditional definition or expectation of radio but that is actually what makes them good.

I was about to launch into a recitation of the letter again here, but I sound like a pretentious idiot. Well maybe not. I just was very exuberant about it. Because they do crazy stuff that isn't so great for the audio listener perspective, but what they give us as it happens is what makes it totally awesome-the sheer weirdness of it.

BUT in hearing them read my email aloud in its entirety, I sound like a freak when I write. I think I use bigger weirder words or am more prone to it when I write and I so did in that email. The real question for the blog is are my writings more pretentiously worded than my talkings? This is a serious question if I start really working on my storytelling-y things, you know soon or like ever.

If you want to hear my lovely letter read live on air go to here and either click on the 9:00 to 10:00 hour for the 21st of July or use that date to find that hour. I am in about the last ten mintues of that hour.

Elton John and Billy Joel

It was awesome.  It did not rain.  It was also very different from regular concerts, in part I think because they had such different performing styles.

 

First they played together a set of songs, and it was kind of cool to hear the other interpret the vocals of their friends song. 

 

Then Elton had a set.  Sir Elton does not talk, he plays.  He does not set up songs, he doesn't tell stories about them, he doesn't say that it is one of his favorites, he just sings.  At MOST he will mention the album that the song came off of.  Instead he relys on the songs to do the entertaining, well the songs and the stellar musical performance of himself and his band (some of which seem to have been with him for many, many years), and it works.  This shouldn't be surprising because the man has a lot of hits, so he can play a small subset of them and not even leave the realm of MEGA-hit.  He is an amazing pianist and it is super cool to here 15,000 plus people sing Tiny Dancer.

 

Then Billy had a set.  He talks.  He talks a lot.  He has a lot of schtick.  He had a flyswatter which he enjoyed waving at imaginery flies.  He had jokes.  He made sort of sad jokes and references to his current divorce.  It made me a little sad for him.  His talking and schtick seemed to be a way for him to get more into his playing.  His piano theatrics are awesome, and I really love a lot of his songs.  And some of the songs I love are more fun live, like "Angry Young Man" mostly because the piano theatrics are able to be indulged live in a way they couldn't be on a studio.

 

Then they played together, and that was wonderful!  In their final set together they indulged in a lot more dueling piano business.  Both men are great musicians and it was very exciting to see this.

 

I think that I enjoyed Billy more, and I think it was because although both men deviated in the live act from the studio versions of their song, Billy did it in a big, big way that worked very well in a large open air stadium venue whereas Elton did it in a quieter, more musically complicated way that would've lent itself better to the kind of performing space where the sound and acoustics could be more carefully controlled (smaller, indoor places that are concert halls and maybe not sports arenas).  I actually think he would be incredible to see in like a little cabaret venue or you know hanging out around his grand piano at his house.  I'll let you know when he invties me over for that.

 

The weirdness of my Idaho life

So there is a kid from Idaho who was captured by the Taliban, and of course because this always happens to me, my friend Jared knows him.  They used to work together.  But when I heard where Bowe Bergdahl was from and how old he was I knew that there was a ridiculously good chance that Jared would know him.  They are from in and around Hailey, Idaho a small town in the Southern part of the state.  The really lovely part where Hollywood stars and rich people live, where Bruce Willis has his home.  I really hope that we get him home safe and soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a totally unrelated side note on Friday I ran into Chris and Sara waiting to go to a movie when I popped into the theatre to pick up pre-purchased tickets.  A few minutes before I ran into a fellow tri-citian and Vandal who now lives in Minneapolis on the street.  She is a youth leader there and was here with her students for a service project.  Because (vaguely related) this stuff always happens to me.

And on and on

I have been a very good little worker at work of late.  This is not to say that I ever let myself be a really bad little worker at work, but I haven't been the best this winter/spring as I was dealing with the distractions of my personal life (which at times seemed more like my personal hell).  I have accomplished things in a very timely manner and quite well.  Last week I even got out way ahead of myself (which was weird), so my vaction of all next week shouldn't hurt so bad.

 

However, the personal life that had seemed like it was fixing itself up, has hit a bump in the road.  Sam fell off the wagon twice in the last week.  Last Tuesday he got kind of stressed out about a friend and decided that half a bottle of vodka would make him feel better, and it did for a while until he realized how it would make me feel.  Instead of letting him head out and drink more, I asked him to stay in and talk to me and to stop drinking with what he had.  And we stayed up late and I listened to him prattle on with all the excuses his disease would give me to get me to play along nicely.  I simply pointed out that I disagreed with the babble his disease spouted and kept him talking and not drinking until he could fall asleep. 

 

This weekend he was oddly sleepy.  We went to bed kind of early Friday night (well for a Friday) around 11 and slept way in.  Then he was busy all Saturday making a stew for a couple of friends we had over for dinner, and we went to bed early again at like 10 and we slept in until 10.  Then he napped after we went over to clean my apartment because my roommate returns tonight, and I wanted to make sure the house was left in good order.  I tried not to let him nap too long because I knew he would never go back to sleep and that is a terrible way for him to start the week (especially a week when we are picking my roommate up at the airport late tonight and then going to the Elton John and Billy Joel concet tomorrow), but he couldn't fall asleep.  I however could since I had not been napping as much as he had all weekend (being wrapped up in a few novels).  Since I was there sound asleep and he couldn't sleep, he remembered some Sake he had noticed in our fridge a few days ago.  It must have been very old sake, and it angered me to find he hadn't mentioned it to me earlier, but he is an alcoholic and I would wager that he is at best in the early stages of recovery.  So he drank the entire bottle (he says it was a little bottle) in order to help him go right to sleep (he says).  And I slept through all of this.  I awoke when he was fully dressed and about to leave the house to go out to his favorite piano bar, and I knew immediately that something was wrong.  I asked him what was going on?  Where had he been?  What was he doing?  I got out of them that he hadn't been anywhere. . .yet and then asked him if he had been drinking, and he admitted he had.  It was a little past two in the morning.  I asked him not to leave, and he didn't.  I realized he hadn't gone to the Sunday meeting he had decided he would start attending, I guess he had slept through it.  I spent the next two hours awake. . . just hanging out with drunk, unsleepy, alcoholic who is my partner.  We talked a little, I listened a lot.

 

We especially talked about 90 meetings in 90 days which is a program that alcoholics are encouraged to do when they first give up drinking.  He wasn't going to do it when he gave up drinking at the end of May beginning of June because he wasn't sure he needed AA.  Then he wasn't going to do it when I nearly broke up with him right before my birthday because he was doing AA, and his therapist said that it was probably alright not to start it if he didn't fall off the wagon, but if he did, he would have to do it.  I asked him about it last night.  He says he will start it, but he can't start it until we get back from Colorado.  Basically because he cannot tell his parents he is an alcoholic.  I have encouraged him to tell them because I think they will end up being a bigger asset than he thinks, but I also understand his fear.  I do however think he won't ever get truly recovered until he can tell them about it honestly.  He doesn't want to tell them about it until he has been on the path to cure for a while, like after he has finished a 90 meetings in 90 days course.  I sort of dropped my course of arguing then.  He isn't going to do what I want of him.  When we return from Colorado, then I will see what happens.  Hopefully that will entail him starting 90 meetings in 90 days.

 

It is very interesting how I feel like I deal with this now.  My reaction is kind of clinical.  I feel like a nurse.  Well, not in the moment exactly.  I cry because this is heart-wrenching, but I also sort of pull my chin up and set to work and do what needs to be done, like staying up late with a drunk alcoholic.  And in reflection, my experience of it becomes sort of matter of fact and sterile.  I guess it has to be to put one foot in front of the other and move along.

Life Goes On

I feel like I am bad at using my free time.  I come up with all sorts of projects and activities, but as soon as I get into the apartment, they are pushed aside by what is on the Tivo.  I have been empowering myself to delete things from the Tivo that I am not going to watch.  Those three episodes of Mythbusters that are mostly if not all reruns, they can get deleted.  It is fine.  They won't last until the weekend when I should be enjoying the lovely weather and not watching them, or I should at least leave them unwatched until they get deleted by newer shows.  If it rains this weekend I can curl up with them, but I don't have to.

 

I made a big pasta salad last night, but I am not satisfied with the dressing.  I cheat and buy dressing premade for it, but the one I bought was not the one I thought it was, and it was missing some of the flavor.  Quite frankly the best pasta salad dressing I have ever found is The Olive Garden's house Italian dressing.  I am not a huge fan of The OG since I have discovered neighborhood Italian joints that blow it away (I am looking at you Rose Angelis and your gnocchi with apricots and prosciutto and Gorgonzola cream sauce and your demilune spinach ravioli with pine nuts, sun dried tomatoes and brown butter sauce--heavenly gigantic bowls of YUM), but lets face it the draw there has always been the bread sticks which may well be made of crack and their Italian dressing for their salads which is probably the best thing they actually make.

 

My cat is probably a two litter box cat, and so we begin that process this week.  Since he has been protesting pooing where he pees and he has a history of deciding those things must not go together (although before that meant he used the litter to poo and the toilet to pee), we decided to just go along although Sam's place is awfully teen for two litter boxes.

 

Also I am starting my own personal campaign of being unashamed of what I like even if it is dumb stuff that I ought not to like, such as the music of Nickleback (which I actually don't like but I think that we can all universally agree that no one ought to like them and perhaps should be ashamed if they do).  Like chick lit and rom coms.  I love them.  I do.  I mean like all genres their are good and bad and better and worse specimens and I don't give them all a universal pass.  I bought 27 dresses about a month and a half ago and have watched it 10 times since then.  It makes me happy.  Not every movie needs to challenge every neuron in my brain, some of them can just make me happy.  It isn't incredibly deep, but it uses Shakespearean devices to twist its plot, and if some of its plot devices are obvious or trite or not so realistic, well I am fine with that as all I ask of my escapism is to help me escape my reality.  I don't need slavery to realism because well real life is what I am trying to avoid when I watch this stuff.  My reality is harder and more complicated than a rom com, and I am fine if the rom com wanted to airbrush that stuff out.  That is what I want it to do.  And I get really sick of boys being all down on it.  I am sorry this genre isn't aimed at you, you are not its target demographic.  Of course some of you will like it, just like some girls like action-y or war-y pictures that they are not the target demographic for and of course quality comes in here, the higher quality the story and its story telling the higher likelihood to rise above the target demographic.  And boys are the target demographic for like everything practically, so give me something.  Plus I would like to ask if all their targeted stories are slavish to reality (like the laws of physics and the fact that bad guys are way worse shots than good guys the end).

 

OK, rant over.  BUT I say we all start today not being ashamed of the cheesy pop songs and silly genre movies we secretly love.  I am not asking you to go proclaim it on a street corner, I am asking you to defend your crush when others talk it smack.  Go.  That is your mission should you choose to accept it and this blog will not self destruct in fifteen seconds, it will likely take much longer.

I hate that my boyfriend smokes

I hate it. For a variety of reasons. I have tried not to be a jerk about it though because he is a grown up and gets to call the shots in his own life--that is how I would like to be treated so that is how I will treat him.

I was very tolerant of it when it was one or two cigarettes while we were out late at a bar maybe once or twice a month. Fine, whatever, I can handle that. Plus the bars here are smoke free, so he had to go outside away from me. Fine. But it is many more now, approaching a half a pack a day, and I don't like it. Especially as he has taken to smoking inside.

I hate it because it bothers my sensitive eyes that if not actually allergic to smoke are very sensitive to dryness and irritation.

I hate it for all the regular reasons of it smelling bad and tasting bad and just being kind of gross and icky.

I hate it because the fact that he totally ignores the fact that I hate it seems so flippant and kind of rude. I mean, seriously, just take it outside dude. And for the love of God at least brush your freaking teeth after you get done.

I hate it because my towel in the bathroom smells of it, as does the cloth shower curtain, and I fear the scent will waft further to my pillow and the sheets and my clothes and the couch.

I hate it because I fear he is using this addiction to cure his other addiction which seems awfully counterproductive and just a postponement of dealing with the actual problem rather than getting down to the business of solving the problem.

I hate it because it feels like a lie or a trick. I didn't start dating a smoker. I dated a non-smoker who turned out to really be a very rare social smoker who is fast becoming a serious smoker with a habit. This feels very unfair especially since I am working through many other things I hadn't bargained for (although granted so is he), the least he could do is work at quitting.

I hate it because he is always quitting in the same way the stupid cartoon character Cathy is always about to start a diet tomorrow. And I now even hate the lie that he is quitting. I am sorry but you are or you aren't. It isn't a complicated difference and at this point intentions-schmententions.

I just hate it. I hate it I hate it.

I. Hate. It.