Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sister is in the air!

They bought tickets last night, and they are here through Friday.  They should be over the friendly skies of Salt Lake City right now, and I will see them around 5pm.  They are even braving the el system all by their selves.
Tonight we head out to dinner at a Brazilian style steak house called Zed451, and I feel that a mega feast of meat, meat, meat, some not meat, and a lot more meat will make them very, very happy.

Monday, December 29, 2008

So much has passed

The first holiday vacation with Sam's family.  His lucid grandmother is ADORABLE!--a spunky fun 80 something, and I would love to be like that when I grow up.  His other grandmother is not so lucid and in her 90's and very fragile, but I am very glad I got to meet her if for no other reason than it seems to make Sam feel better (she had a fall and a health scare about 10 days before we got to Tulsa that made it seem as if I would not get to meet her without an unexpected and very sudden adjustment to our trip).  His parents are wonderful as always, and his brother is no where near as awful as they make him out to be.  It was 76 the last full day we were there and we filled it with good Meixcan food and a walk with the dog.
My brother called me as Sam and I sat in the plane at Midway for the 18 or so years it seemed like we were tracked there.  He just got engaged and will be married on the 4th of July.  This all seems very sudden to me, and he is my younger brother so I of course project the fact that I have been dating my significant other for a year and a half ish and am not quite prepared to actually marry him and I am old, so obviously he cannot possibly be prepared to marry his significant other of a few months at his age.  I get that there are some serious flaws to that logic, but I have not seen this brother since he started dating this woman (who we have all know for something like 20 years), and I did see him in August, so I think that my difficulty in dealing with this information should not be read as a meanness on my part.  This is a whole lot of change to believe in while having no concrete evidence in front of me.  I just want him to be happy and have very little with which to reassure myself.  When I see them in February, my hopes are that all will be assuaged.
Oh yeah, and I "get" to be in the wedding.  I HATE being in weddings, and I think I would rather NOT be in the wedding, but I also am fairly certain that my brother and future sister-in-law will be VERY disappointed if I were to have told them no (to be fair I have been in 2 weddings in my whole life--as a flower girl at 5 and a maid of honor at 23--and after the second one I swore that I would never been in one ever again much to my sister's utter abject horror because OF COURSE I meant no other wedding except hers at which point I told her  yeah I don't want to be in yours either because it will be a wedding right? so it isn't against their wedding it is a general anti-participation prejudice against weddings, I find them far more enjoyable as an audience member and NOTHING more).  Theoretically, I won't have to wear a hideous dress.  Supposedly I get to pick a knee length black dress for myself.  Oh and that sister will be in wedding with me.  But so will sorority girls and actual cheerleaders.  Seriously, my brother is marrying a sorority girl who was a college cheerleader and is now a cheer coach.  I have nothing more to add to that.
Also, it seems likely that my sister and her boyfriend will come in to town tomorrow for a few days.  Sam will meet her for the first time and her boyfriend will meet me for the first time.  This will be totally AWESOME!

Friday, December 26, 2008

oops, forgot to tell you I AM in Tulsa

We arrived at 10am on Christmas Eve.  But only after another hour or so of delay.  But that was one hell of a storm.  We were rewarded today with 75 degree weather here in Tulsa.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Yes, I am still NOT in Tulsa

So, 5 hours of waiting in Midway plus three hours of waiting on the plane at Midway (because we were about to take off but we had been de-iced so long ago that the wings had refrozen so we had to go back to the gate which took forever since all the gates were full, so we needed more fuel, so they had to recalculate our load, and we needed more water and then we headed back out to be de-iced AGAIN and finally got in the air), finally flying to St. Louis and then being told (after hanging out on the flight for a half an hour or so since our southwest flight was continuing to Tulsa) that they were NOT flying us to Tulsa because our crew was over its hours.  Yeah.  Because it was weather no free hotels or food (well they brought us crackers and water and pop).
At this point it was past 1am, and they needed to help us rebook for today.  It took them a half an hour or so to tell us that in fact there would be a replacement flight created for us first thing in the morning at which point we looked into renting a car and freaking driving the last six hours (because FYI if we had driven to Tulsa we would have already BEEN there).  So we wait in line for a good hour and a half to get rebooked.  Book a room at a local Marriot and grab a few hours of sleep before heading back to the airport.
Where MORE indignities occur.  See, we "bought" our tickets less than 24 hours in advance, so the TSA needed us to get extra special searched when we went back through security.  So that was awesome, and then we discover that our 8 am flight is now an 8:30 flight because the crew did not get enough rest.  Well, no shit sherlock, we didn't either.  Also couldn't simple math have figured that out last night?  But whatever!
So here I am at the gate in St. Louis (hi Ken and Mandy) waiting to board in the next twenty minutes, so that hopefully we will get to Tulsa before 2009.  Here's hoping.  At this point I will not believe that we will get to Tulsa until we land on the freaking ground.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Holy Airport Hell

It is about 6pm.  I have been in Midway airport since about 2:30 pm.  I should've left on a flight to Tulsa via St. Louis at 4:45pm.  It didn't.  I has been delayed many, many, many times.  The airport sucks balls and is totally crowded (which may have to do with its inability to allow me to enjoy anything about it right now, oh yeah that and the delayed plane.  In fact the only worse airport to be stuck in at this moment is probably O'Hare where Southwest does not fly.
However, I just received good news as I started to type this rant blog.  The good news is that our plane, coming in from Pittsburgh is in the air!  Midway and the FAA have serious restrictions on planes they are letting come here, so if it is on the way, it should (oh please oh please oh please dear deity) land here, and then we get on it and then we get to St. Louis and then to Tulsa all before midnight.  Although it turns out that I may not have needed to take off work today anyway.  I guess I just wanted to hang out at an airport ALL DAY AND NIGHT.
OK, that's all.  I hope all of your holiday travel adventures are nicer (right about now Sally and Dave are very, very glad they killed theirs early and I cannot say that I blame them).

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Ornaments

The first one is the glass globe ornament that I loved but that didn't seem to sell as quickly as other ones last year, either that or they way overstocked. The other two are a series of ladies that Pier 1 has been having. The flamenca was from last year, and the Indian woman in the sari was this year (this year also has a Japanese woman in a kimono, but she isn't as pretty as the Indian woman).

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Busy weeks

I had a work holiday party Friday night, Sam and I threw our own holiday party Saturday night, Sunday I went to a matinee of "Dirty Dancing the Musical" which is the most awesomely bad thing I have ever EVER seen and which made me shake with glee for most of it, Monday we had our very last performance of the musical episode of the Ville where we rocked the house, and Tuesday I went shopping for my work's operation Santa Claus.  Yesterday I rested and took the kitty to the vet and got a fever from Sam who was sick with a fever.
Yeah, busy.  Tonight I gift wrap (for Operation Santa at work) and holiday gift/winter boot shop.  Then Friday and Saturday I have to somehow get to a a party, two plays and work at pier 1.  And then we are in the home stretch to holidays in Oklahoma.  Whew.
Although I won my friend Sallyacious' 1,000 comment contest and I get a cool book!  Pictures of ornaments this weekend or early next week.  Maybe tonight.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Poking around on the internet can be bad

It can be.  It sometimes is.  Or not bad so much as unsettling.  Like when you find the you tube page of an ex boyfriend who now dresses up like Jesus and ministers to people in Virginia, that is unsettling.  Although instead of getting really angry, like I used to whenever talk of him and Jesus connected (this is the ex now known as Jesus boy), I was mostly really proud and happy for him.  Even if I disagree with a lot of what he espouses as the true way to follow Christ and be a believer, I am proud of him for really making something of his life and happy that he seems to have found a peace which he never had when I knew him.  He was a deeply unrooted person when I knew him, and I think that fed a lot of his general unease with the world.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Online Shopping

I ordered a book online for the boyfriend's dad for Christmas, and so of course I ordered some books online for me too.  In fact, I realized I could get the whole set of Thursday Next books for like $18 plus like $12 more in shipping and handling, so I did of course (I was getting them all used thus the excessive shipping from amazon).  Then they all start arriving, and actually every single one of the 5 separate shipments is delivered on the same day (which is way impressive on its own) EXCEPT one.  There are 5 books in a series right, coming from 5 different locations.  Guess which book in the series didn't come? 
That's right!  The very first one is the only one missing.  I have yet to receive "The Eyre Affair" which I was hoping to start and then read on the planes and trip to Tulsa and back.  I mean I still have time, but they said it could come as late as December 23rd at which point I will be at work and leave from there to go catch my flight so I won't be able to grab the mail back at Sam's house hoping it would be too big to fit in the mailbox that I do not have a key too so it would be shelved below.  Ugh.  It better come soon.  I don't want to reread them out of order!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Laptop Recovered

So I am typing this on my very own unharmed totally returned laptop--which is what happens when a friend of a friend who is a total jackass and idiot gets drunk with a few others altogether late at night in the living room.

Needless to say some people just got disinvited from this house permanently. But laptop is back as with everything in it. I guess I might try backing things up.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Latop Stolen

So, very long story. That I may or may not get to ever writing down here because it is not a good stroy. My laptop was stolen last night, and I am not entirely sure when I will be getting another one. Or if I will be getting another one in a reasonable time frame.

Fortunatly I didn't have anything too irreplaceable on it. Some photographs, but I am not as prolific a photog as some so it is probably only a couple of hundred--most of which I have saved onto photosharing websites but some that are long, long gone.

Today there will be filing of a police report, and we will see. Sam is looking at the bright side of how shopping for a laptop is fun--he is suggesting a really thin mac.

Anyway, not sure how much I will be able to post for a while.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Christmas Tree decorating tips

As several of you (and others who saw my tree or the picture of my tree) have commented on it being lovely and "elaborate" I think Chrissy called it, I thought I would include some tips on how to take your own tree into the realm of fabulous without losing the I am a real person's real tree feel.
Tip #1--try to make everything you put on the tree coordinate.  Make them all one or two colors, or all metallic, or have a similar element or color through out.  I stuck to red and gold and white/iridescent, although making it a normal tree meant that when I really liked an ornament I said fuck it and put up whatever I want (there is an bright blue sari on the Indian lady that matches the flamenco lady on the front of the tree).
Tip #2--vary the sizes and shapes of stuff you put on the tree.  Or make them all identical.  But I used at least 4 sizes of round balls.  I have 5 or 6 very vertical ornaments, and when I hung all the ornaments on the tree I looked at the hole to balance and fill out.
Tip #3--have a basic ornament or two that you repeat multiple times throughout the tree.  I have a big glass globe, glass stars, clear gems, and gold jingle bells that are all over.  Buy these in bulk like 20 or so at a time--jingle bells are usually a dollar or less at pier one or target, and the others often come in packages or can be scavenged post Christmas for a steal.
Tip #4--know what looks good on your lighted tree.  Some ornaments that look cheap and are cheap at the store look way better than the expensive ones.  Look for ornaments that will reflect light with glitter, beading, facets, sparkle, shimmer, reflective surfaces.  Even when these look really lame and CHEAP in the store, they often look the best when integrated into the tree.  Unless you have a very specific theme like all wooden ornaments or toy trains, these are what start to bring your tree to the next level.  Also, if you have lots of matte or fabric or wood ornaments, use white lights and less of them to set them off rather than upstage them.
Tip #5--don't skimp on a garland.  My tree looks LOADS more awesome this year with very little changed.  There are a few more ornaments, but in the exact same vein as the ones there before.  The main change was having a garland.  And garlands can be easy, this was a ribbon (well two spools) that I bought at Home Depot for not terribly much money (for garland).  Ribbon with some metallic elements and wire are the most impressive of this kind of garland (in my opinion) although if you have a homier tree (like my friend Robyn's advent tree with hand knit ornaments, a paper chain or popcorn or cranberries on a string might be even better (also cheaper).
Tip #6--this might take a few years, so think of it as a long term goal.  OK, yes I thought about my tree this way, and it has been three Pier 1 holiday seasons in the making for my tree to look this nice.  Year one was some inexpensive basics and cheap plain glass bulbs from target.  Plus stocking up on my favorites when they went on sale after the holidays.  Year two was pretty much year one (with the after Christmas bargain additions) and some glittery gift tags to fill in.  Year three was the addition of some LED lights as well as some new ornaments from after Christmas year two and new new ones (because I had a better job), plus a major, major post Christmas discount win because NO ONE else liked my favorite ornament.  I bought like 5 of them for about $5 total instead of closer to $5 each.  Year four I have only added garland, some more jingle bells (on sale!), the glass gems (in a package, on sale!), and a few more ornaments (mostly to mix it up with some vertical and because I went from a 5 foot tree to a 7 and 1/2 foot tree) and also because I just like them.  I like Christmas ornaments.  So sue me.
Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah!  Happy any other holiday out there that you celebrate this time of year!

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

My Christmas Tree

Or rather, Sam and my Christmas tree! This picture doesn't quite do it justice. There are LED lights on it, and lots of the ornaments are clear or transparent which not so much show up well in picture, but they look lovely on the tree! And there is a wreath on the door. Very nice indeed.

I am very proud of it. Most of the ornaments are Pier 1 (except for some plain glass balls from a value pack from Target.

There are the target balls, enormous prop glitter balls, teeny tiny mini tree balls, jingle bells, clear gems, transparent stars, these great transparent balls with diamond studs, a few long skinny glass ones, hand painted ones, beaded ones, to birds, a Spanish lady, and an Indian lady (sari and all). The garland is some big wired ribbon that I thought was really pretty at Home Depot where we bought this "slim" 7 and a half foot tall faker. Boy do we need a tree skirt! And a topper. Looking at my local Walgreens for that.

I feel like it is themed and coordinated while still being pretty eclectic which is what I was going for. Quite frankly the use of garland this year (which is new) is my favorite part, and even though the mini tree balls almost disappear they do an great job of filling in color and light. Yea Christmas!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Ponderings for this week

Things I have pondered lately.  I was SO a fish out of water where I grew up.  My perspective on ok and right and wrong were even different this is beginning to dawn on me now that I live in a corner of the world where I am surrounded by people with similar life views.  I am not saying I am surrounded by yes men (or women), but I am surrounded by people who start from the same point as me.
That Prop 8 in California is totally and egregiously wrong is a given with my my coworkers and friends and neighbors.  Well, some of them may actually agree with it, but they take the anti view seriously enough to not let on if they do.  Back home I know I would face frowns and faces and going to hells for loudly proclaiming equality full equality for homosexuals.  Even from some of the liberals.  I mean they would say that they like gay people but marriage would be coming on a little strong.
Here, I live in a place where gay men and lesbians holding hands, having children, and being very open and public about it isn't weird.  I mean I would imagine in some neighborhoods in Chicago it would be, but in the ones where I travel, it is just the way it is and no one seems to mind.  I mean they treat it exactly the same as hetero couples doing it (for the most part, I am sure Chris will speak up to correct me). 
I am sure there are some here who hate in the same way people did back home and in Idaho, but they are the quiet minority.  Exactly the opposite of what I saw back home.
It is nice.  One day it will be like that everywhere and people will shake their heads that Americans used to not let gays marry.  How silly and wrongheaded we once were.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Falling in love, with Roger Ebert

I have been kind of obsessed with reading reviews of movies from his website.  Old movies, new movies, classic movies, movies I like, movies I hate just to see what he has said.  It all kind of started by reading a post on his blog.  You see because of his struggles with cancer, he has lost the ability to speak, but he can of course still write and he does!  Prolifically.  The post I read was this one http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2008/10/i_think_im_musing_my_mind.html about how he feels losing his speech has made his writing better, but it was already pretty wonderful.  He also writes that he thinks his reviewing system (as are all grading systems) mostly bullshit, but he also wants to make his reviews useful.  He tells you if it is worth it to go see them, and he writes that it touched him if it did even if it seems like it isn't a good enough or fancy enough movie to do that.
So I reccomend everyone at least read the link above and go to rogerebert.com and check things out.  His answer man columns are awesome and so are his movie glossary that is ever expanding with the assistance of readers just like you and me.  They make names for all those truisms of movie truth like The Tell Me Where You Are and I'll Come Get You Rule of movie dialogue among other wonderful things.  Do it, is good internet time wasting.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Interesting day in the suburbs

I had my first Indian food made by Sam's coworker Nirav's wife and mother (PS his wife from his arranged marriage which is just really so strange to my American self). I have no idea what most of it was, but it was freaking delicious and I am stuffed.

Also they took us to this temple in the burbs near their house. It is a Hindu temple and it is enormous and gorgeous and hand carved from marble in India and then shipped here to be reassembled. It was amazing, and there were people worshiping in it and we had to take off our shoes and it was like I was somehow in India, but I was really in a suburb. Amazing.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Several Things

Kitteh had to go back to vet as he licked the suture glue off his owie before it healed. Once at vet, he hissed at our wonderful Dr. Amy. He hissed at her A LOT! So much that she took him in the back to look at it and soak it in non-sting fixy medicine. She also gave him kitty advil and he is now on anti-biotics. Apparently he didn't have anything but hisses. He was not going to be a bad kitteh, he just made sounds like he was. He has also decided that the vet does not make him feel bad all the time. He sometimes gets to feel better. Which is good, as he really hates the vet.

However now he is wearing a cone which he spent most of last night trying to back out of. This is HILARIOUS! Because there is wiggling and this great look of consternation like why does he not get clear of this thing! It is great. He also seems to clip the edges of the cone against everything. And that cracks me up too. He is not amused at all. But he is feeling better.

Also had a conversation with my mother, my very Catholic mother, about the fact that I basically live with Sam now and that is the way life is now. Now, she actually acknowledged that she figured that was true (which I was kind of surprised by--because yes she should have figured that but no since she likes to ignore things that mess with the perceived reality of her choice) and she said, "Well I figured that was how it was, you do what you want." Which sounds like blessing, but I know by the tone that she basically thinks that I am a cocky punk ass who does what I want regardless which even if it is absolutely true, it is still kind of galling to realize that is how your mother thinks of you.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday of lazy

The boyfriend made omelets with blue cheese and cheddar cheese in them when we woke up this morning and spaghetti for lunch, and we cleaned out his storage area. That went rather quickly and I discovered some very old pictures as well as his bizarre enthusiasm for office supplies (seriously over excited about a very small clipboard and some pens). He also collected stamps, coins, and baseball cards through out his life. Hilarious.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Yes, that is right.  The musical episode of my big gay soap opera opened on Monday night and I no longer have rehearsal, at least until March.  So, what do I do?  Tuesday I go sign up to work my retail job for the holiday season.  Whatever.  I need money to buy Christmas gifts.  So if my family (well one member I guess since we are spending a bunch of money on one person only), boyfriend, any of the friends, and boyfriend's family (who I am actually spending the holiday with, including his mother's birthday) are to get anything AT ALL I need some alternate income source.  So yeah, retail here I come.  But I like it there, and I was promised a lot of cash register time since apparently many of the new people not so good with cash register and speed.  Plus several old timers are coming back for this holiday.  And I do like it there.
Also Big Gay Musical was well received.  The audience loved it!  My friends Jamie and Chris loved it, but they could not watch my phone sex song because well it pushes well past the bounds of decency and probably good taste (because this is the Ville people) and if you know me it is apparently very uncomfortable to see me pretending to masturbate while singing and making sex noises.  Did I mention this was not a show for America's youth?
Kitty has no claws.  He is in fact now famous at the vet's for waking up from painful surgery and being willing to take all comers.  They had to cover his cage with a towel to get him to stop trying to swat and his at anyone walking to near his vicinity.  However, seems not to notice that the surgery he had was painful.  It may hurt me way more to see him moving about than it hurts him.  Which I guess is better, but I really wish he hasn't totally ignored or foiled all of our multiple attempts to get him to stop destroying furniture.  Soft claws he liked getting put on, almost as much as he liked chewing them right off.  He showed no interest in multiple scratching posts, and merely took the double sided tape as a sign to scratch another part of the furniture or to move onto the leather furniture.  We really did try, and we talked to vet about it.  He just tried harder.

Friday, November 07, 2008


I am over the hump thanks to some nasal spray which although it is gross to use actually lets me breathe all the way up into my skull for the first time in like a month.  I feel so much better.  I am going to enjoy tonight's party and then later the Cabaret I am doing with Chicago Public Radio and the Viaduct (sounds cool but really we are singing some songs from the Ville's musical finale) and tomorrow's concert (go Punchline!) and hanging out, and rehearsal may even be fun on Sunday that is how much better I am feeling!
This means soon I shall respond to Sallyacious' hat tip.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Still sick

Think it is much more sinusy than previously thought.  Might leave work early to go home and do the sort and stuff I have to do without having to answer phones or sit in oddly lit room with no natural light.  Actually my goal may be to head home at 2pm.  Short nap.  Work from home.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

New President elect and bad head cold

I am home sick today. I have had a cold hovering at me for about two weeks, but I thought it would wait until we opened the musical to kick me in the face. Instead it got me last night. Too many late nights and not enough healthful things. Oh well. I took the day off to care for it because I hope that will right me into better health.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Seriously who is working today?

Because I am at work, but way too nervous and excited to work.  Have already wasted an hour and a half.  Just not interested in work and don't have pressing enough work to worry about it.  Am going to stuff things today because that will be appropriate.  Our mail got delivered super early as our street will get closed down later.  We are roughly 2 and 1/2 blocks from the entrance to Obama party central, and there has been important official people there since last week.  Chicago is psyched!  The holy city is kind of vibrating with nervous energy just waiting to spill over into ecstacy and joy.  Everyone is so proud to vote.
Unrelated news.  I am buying ice skates this winter (or fall) because I can then go ice skate for free on my lunch break!  Genius!

Monday, November 03, 2008

meeting overheard

I like my job, I feel obligated to preface this entry, because it is mostly enjoyable, rarely tedious, and I find the people interesting and nice to be around and work with.  It also lets me have a life outside of it, and I like that a lot.  However, today an open door meeting was held in the conference room next to me.  There are two companies in my office, and I kind of work for both of them, but mostly for the main one of them that came first.  This meeting was for the big company.  Every single person in the big company except for me and my boss.  It was the quarterly bonus pass out.  All but the two newest employees of that company (who qualify for bonuses but we don't get fully paid until in Q4 for the project they qualify for) got bonuses.
I didn't and my boss didn't.  We don't qulaify for them as we never work on a specific project.  We just make the office run smoothly around the people who work on the projects that pay our bills.  The meeting involved a rah rah speech by the owner of the company.  It talks about how when the company profits we all do.  How in part we work hard for moments like this when you see the fruits of your labor. 
It was disheartening to overhear this speech when you weren't getting back.  Especially because although my job isn't particularly taxing or difficult or even all that specialized, it does involve doing all the awful shit that if the specialized people were made to do would make them jump ship.  I do it for them, but it seems that is not worthy of reward.  And the thing is, that if they just closed the damn door I wouldn't be thinking about this.  Especially since most of the bonuses were fairly small.  Extrapolated, virtually no one gets as much as $1,000 a year in bonuses.  Some of them get less than $250.  They really aren't that great all things considered, but they happen more frequently, so people might like less since they get them more often.  It just sucked to be sitting out here listening and knowing that I too give to the company and but apparently that which I give isn't too valuable.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So stress decreased in one area of my life just in time to increase in another

Personal life stress has calmed down which is very nice.  I am glad.  Work stress, however has gone crazy.  Mostly in part because of a super easy but massively tedious and time consuming project that took over my desk.  It sucked.  But it is about to be dropped off at the post office forever, never to be seen again--unless I jacked up an address or something. 
My cat is about to be declawed which makes Sam very happy as it ensures the longevity of some of his furniture and that some of it can be recovered or replaced without being destroyed immediately after.  Steve will fucking hate it at first.  He will have to be at the vet overnight, and he hates it there.  Hopefully he won't harm any of the vet technicians.
I am having a Halloween party with new roomie Azar.  Sam and I are going as Charlie Brown and the Little Red Headed Girl (he will of course have a paper bag to put on his head as needed).
Obama is having a giant million people rally in a park downtown here on election day, and I tried to get tickets but failed.  Chris Plummer has some, and he will be going.  It is kind of a bummer to miss that.  Obama will either declare victory or concede from there, but it is also outside at night in Chicago in November which means it will be a cold night, a long cold night likely.  I will just watch it from inside Sam's warm apartment with a kitty, and some wine (or heck champagne) and maybe a few friends.  That will be more comfy.  But if I get tickets I am SO going.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Random thoughts of the stressful day

So my CTA card came in the mail today.  Assuming it works when I try to use it, life is back to normal post wallet losing.
I get irrationally angry at people who stand on very full buses in the morning when there are seats available.  Ok I get it, you like to stand or you don't like the back of the bus that is up the little stairs, but sit your ass down anyway to ease the congestion at the front of the bus where there are considerably less things to hold on to.  Seriously sit the crap down.  You can stand back up as the bus empties out.  The only exception is if we are less than 2 city blocks from your stop.  Then standing is acceptable if you are keeping yourself close to the back door.
My ipod is on the fritz.  Of course it is because I gave my old one to someone else who didn't have one.  So of course mine decides to die.  Although I have BROADLY hinted to the boyfriend that an itouch would be the best Christmas present ever.  And it may just need to be re-whatevered to my itunes or take a little trip to the genius bar.
I have converted my boss to the wonders of ice cold liquor store soda.
The weather has made my coworkers extra whiny although it has somehow made some of the whiny ones quite grateful.  Weird.
Stress has subsided a little mostly because I think I cried it all out yesterday.  Also I feel much better about the memorization of my songs after rehearsing them.
Also back are the nightmares courtesy of my allergy meds.  And I would seriously stop taking them if they didn't make my nostrils and sinuses and head so stinking clear and if they weren't the only ones that do that.  Whatever is missing from the generic store versions is apparently what I need.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Really stressed out right now

Busy, learning a musical, stressing over life just in general.  Everything seems to be getting unecessarily hard.  I think I need more sleep and a vacation, and I am going to file a lot today at work. Filing is soothing.  Filing will be calming.  I want to be calm.  I will be calm.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Performance Art Part Five--the end

Mike Daisey is an amazingly compelling performer. He did a better job than anyone that I have ever seen live at holding a room with a wonderful sense of his story telling and our invovlement as an audience member. Sam's dad loved the show. He was laughing so hard for so much of it. Sam's mom found it very interesting, and Sam was more engaged than I have ever seen him be at a live non-music performance.

I really enjoyed it, and it has been too long since for me to do a very good sort of review, but I would heartily recommend seeing him if you ever have the opportunity.

Friday, October 17, 2008

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (sort of)

So, Wednesday I lfet work early by a few hours to help Jamie get her car untowed because the first time she went to the scary towlot to do it, they disbelieved her registration.  She was a little sleep deprived and hungry and angry and wet and IM'd me kind of hysterical, and I said I would help her.  So, I got off work and rented a zip car in order to pick her up take her half way to Wisconsin (it felt like) to the DMV and then down into the heart of scary industrial ghetto to get her car.  Once she called me with news that car was going to be hers, I went home.  I had planned to nap that day after work, but instead I had a four hour adventure!  Then I had a late rehearsal that was way up north and only an hour long (so it took me slightly more time in transit than in rehearsal). 
On the bus ride home I got very paranoid that I had dropped/lost my brand new and exciting digital voice recorder, so I pulled everything out of my purse to make sure I found it and then put them back in.  The next morning I went to catch the bus (with my bus stop moved by one stop because they closed the freaking sidewalk where my stop was), but once on the bus I couldn't find my wallet in my purse.  So I got off, assuming I had taken it out when I got home the night before because well I paid a few bills online (it was mid-month and payday--like you do!).  Then I called Sam and woke him up and had him look for it on the couch and the coffee table, but no.  I get back to his house, and I look for it and no.  It is not there.  Then I remember pulling everything out!  Was I smart and putting them on the empty seat between me and the wall?  Of course not.  I put them on the seat between me and the aisle.  The bus was pretty empty, but somebody could well have just snatched it as they passed if they really wanted (although we were going express at a fast speed down Lakeshore).  Or it could've fallen on the floor and then picked up later by anyone on earth.
So I log onto my bank account to see if there was any activity on my debit card (which was of course in the wallet), but nothing has happened, and it was payday so there was actual money that they could take.  But nothing-weird (and amazing!).  So, I borrow some money from Sam to take the bus to work and stop at my bank before I head all the way into work (way late at this point).  They of course cannot do anything because I have no ID or debit card or pin to prove that I am me.  So I take the customer service number and head into work.  Once there I decide I will call CTA's lost and found.  Becuase well, it was an empty bus, it was late at night, and probably that one was headed back to the garage pretty dang soon.  Who knows, maybe the cleaning crew found it and turned it in and all is well?
I call, I am on hold for a few minutes.  The woman who answers asks me what bus I was on.  That bus goes to the NorthPark Garage, she tells me and gives me there number before transferring me to them directly.  The woman at the garage asks me what my name is and what color my wallet is and puts me on hold.  I am just waiting to hear confirmed that my wallet is gone FOREVER when she comes back on the line and says, "Yes, we have it."  I am shocked.  I didn't have a contigency plan for actually getting my wallet back.  They tell me it is item #44 and that I can come in between 7am and 7pm in the next 30 days to get it.  The garage is of course halfway to Madison, Wisconsin.  It would take me over an hour on multiple buses and trains to get there from work, and oh yeah my CTA card was in the wallet which is now there.  So I call Jamie because I responded to her thanks with the statement that she would do it for me, although at the time I did not intend it as a threat.  Whoops!  In a car, it is a short trip for her.  So she went, picked it up for me and brought it to me downtown where we went out to lunch. 
The best part is that virtually everything was still in it.  I was missing about $2 in change that was in it when it went AWOL, and I was missing my CTA card.  Everything else seemed to be untouched.  Wallet returned.  Everything fine.  I am still very closely monitoring my bank account to see if anything happens there, but it looks like I managed to be very lucky.  Although this may have depleted my good Karma for months at least!
Later this weekend:  Last part of the performance art series, I will accept the tagging Sally gave me, and reunited with an old friend in our new town

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Performance Art Part 4 Workshop

It was great. Most of the people (basically all of the people) in the workshop had some sort of acting/performing training or experience, so it was like we were all reasonably on the same page. There were only about ten of us. It was awesome.

He had a very concise handout with three groupings of four things that must be remembered to create art like this. Kind of like a very basic how to guide. He went over them, we asked questions throughout, he was funny and warm and totally unpretentious and generally really concerned about helping people learn this artform he very clearly loves. I guess that shouldn't be surprising, but because so often that has not been the case (especially the pretentious part) in master classes I have gone to for acting and theatre. Although perhaps that is the difference between master class and workshop? Or for sure between someone who would bill their class as one versus the other.

Anyway, really looking forward for the show tonight. Especially hearing a little more about the nuclear component to it, yeah that's right I am from the greater Hanford area, and I know a ridiculous amount about nuclear energy and their reactors as a result. Because growing up their you take field trips to nuclear reactors where they made the Plutonium that they dropped on Nagasaki (well the control room of said reactor not actually inside).

I am also very excited to just fucking do some of the things we looked at learned about today. I am probably going to start hosting a story telling night like once a month or so with friends who are also interested in this, just to see what happens. I am also glad that I do not edit my blog really since that seems to be something I need to encourage in my speech as I do this style of performance.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Performance art update part the third update

I took notes in a little journal when I was at the round table.  Basically I was blogging for later to put up here, but I didn't have it at work until today.  PS I really can't wait until the workshop on Saturday!  So at the "How Theatre Failed America" Round table at the MCA--here were my thoughts in the theatre:
Mike Daisey was actually at the round table!  He spoke as did many of the the other theatre artists, but he struck me as passionate, empathetic, and humble.  Listening to this was very interesting, but I wanted to speak too (as I bet did many other audience members).  Especially when it came to the question of would you invite the business-y staff to speak to the artists on the art itself.  Like would/should they have the perogative or ability to give notes?  The Chicago area artists seemed to be saying well of course not.  I disagree.  Why couldn't, why shouldn't the staff comment on the art?  Yes, true they don't have the specific training and vocabulary.  But they CAN speak with their heats to what the see, saw, felt or experienced.  I think they should speak, and I think the artists should consider their thoughts.  I mena obviously this is criticism and commentary that should be weighted and looked at in context as an audience response rather than a fellow professional response.  But, yes consider it, yes open a dialogue.  Criticism is not and should not be the word of God or something.  It should be, it is food for thought.  Something for the brains of the artists to chew on.  Some sort of mirror to reflect back what they are doing.  Ok maybe sometimes it is a funhouse mirror, but just because it may not be an "accurate" perspective or a photo-real perspecitve does not make it useless.  It makes it useful in a different way from the professional opinions.  Processing it can lead to revelations of value, even if they are not those intended by the amateur who was responding from their lack of highly involved theatrical knowledge. 
I say this because my family knows very little about theatre, and they have been the bearers of the most useful and the most useless criticsms I have ever received.  Useless when I cannot get them to understand that The Rivals was a way better show, but useful when their naivety about theatre causes the to consider a path or a problem from a perspective I would overlook because my expertise has gotten in the way of having a truly open mind.  So yeah, sometimes what they say may well be ridiculous, but shutting them out without a consideration can shut out something you might need.  So why create any false wall before their art.  I would imagine the businessy people who choose to work in the arts (as opposed to more lucrative business worlds) understand that they do not operate on the same artistic level as the artists, but they participate in the art as audience and they choose that line of work (I hope) out of a love of being an audience member.  And feeling connected to the work is what brings audience members back, so connect your first audience, really connect them.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Performance Art part two (definitely even if I miscounted, this is the new count--this isn't the wire if I am wrong no one has to drop a body)

Ummm, so I have been watching the blog of the person who's show I am watching this weekend and who's workshop I am very excited to attend because well he puts interesting stuff up and I check it off and on, like so many blogs I monitor.  Anyway, so yesterday, this (my) blog or a snippet of it appeared on that blog.  I am not mentioning it by name because I do not want a web crawler to find it and put it on that blog again.  It kind of freaked me out, but it mostly made me wish I hadn't dashed off what I wrote and maybe edited and reread because I don't really do that here (I know none of you would have ever guessed).  But it was very odd to see my blog on his blog.
That really is the whole part there.  But on a side note: I totally saw Steven from Season 4 of Project Runway (last season with Christian as the winner not this one) standing on Michigan Avenue and smoking!  It was insane.  Also insane, possibly my brother Tom because he is all in lurve and (well not to say he isn't but this all seems very sudden) wants to get married like tomorrow or something.  I am worried.  Quite worried because it just doesn't seem like he is giving much thought to the (very) long term possible consequences of his actions.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Performance art update volume one (or two, no one yeah one)

The round table was not very lively.  Interesting but not lively.  AND MIKE DAISEY was there.  I am kind of a stalker, and I was really excited that he was there.  I really like a lot of his points, but I actually think this discussion wasn't very lively because many of the biggest theatres in Chicago are more artist driven ensemble places than exist in other cities.  Steppenwolf is a place where a lot of its artists can live a nice life off the work they get there.  Many of its most present and ivolved artists live and work here, and they don't really bring in out of town talent to dazzle--unless you count their own ensemble members for whom Steppenwolf is heading back to their artistic home and not a star turn.  They are not the odd company out here either.  Here ensembles and artists make their own work--however supporting Daisey's hypothesis a lot of them do it while making their money other ways.
I also commed the Writer's Theatre for having a person from the office-y side of their business (I am not sure if she was their marketing director or their CFO or Development Head or what) come and speak to the artists.  Because let's face it those are the people who live really comfortably and get paid a ton and are not artists (well most frequently are not artists).  She spoke about why (well kind of about why) she and her like get paid more than actors.  She spoke about how she doesn't even like to compare the two, and how it makes her uncomfortable to speak about it.  She was uncomfortable opening herself up to questions from a roomful of artists, but she very bravely did it.  Go her!
The only really exciting moment was when Mike Daisey talked about how part of the state of the liveliness of the art can be seen in the posters for local arts scene (galleries, bands, concerts, plays, etc) on the wall of local restaurants and cafes.  He travels a lot and says that usually the theatre posters (in that whole wall) are the lamest.  And I am inclined to agree with him.  This was the only thing that ruffled the hackles of the artistic directors (yeah I mixed my metaphors whatever I do it).  They all got kind of quiet and defensive.  It was very interesting.
Very interesting.  Also makes me terribly excited to take my workshop on Saturday!!!!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

perfromance art the beginning of the results

So, I am not going to get to see Tim Miller and Alistair McCartney.  BUT. . .I will be in Mike Daisey's workshop on Saturday (so excited!) and tonight I go to the roundtable discussion which if it gets too boring I am going to go back to Sam's and watch the debate.  Hopefully it won't be boring at all.  And on Saturday night Sam and I are taking his parents to see Mike Daisey's performance.  Yeah that's right his parents are going and they want to and they picked it!  I got him to email his mom the links of the choices (because Sam wanted to take them to see "Jersey Boys"), and her response was Mike Daisey sounds fun and then she dismissed Jersey Boys (and the Four Seasons in general) quite out of hand.  She lived through it she said, and she didn't need to do it again.
I am stoked!  There is no way given the same choice my parents would have picked Mike Daisey.  They would've gone for Jersey Boys (although I suspect my dad actually would have liked Mike Daisey more).  Although my parents have years and years of being dragged along to weird theatrical events that I reccomended, so they may just be wary of everything that I picked (I was in Eastern Washington ok there just isn't that much weird theatre there that isn't also REALLY bad theatre).  Although on the other hand, one summer I did a great fast, short, spare cutting of The Rivals and the world's least funny production of You Can't Take it With You (which is a show that is hard to destroy the comedy in as much as we in fact did), and they just shrugged at The Rivals and LOVED YCTIWY.  The Russian they said (ok Childers was pretty funny) and the actor lady (no, no, no that woman was not funny, she was just pushy not the same thing at all) so funny!  They couldn't get over it.
Anyway, I will keep you posted on how things go!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

All performance art all the time

Well not really.  But kind of.  Two of my faves will be in Chicago next weekend.  Mike Daisey will be doing a three-day stint at the MCA with "If You See Something Say Something" which I am trying to get Sam and his parents to go see with me.  His parents I think will like it much more than he will, but I think I may go no matter what.  I really shouldn't spend money on this this month, especially since Renee owes me $200, but this is not something I get the opportunity to do often.  Even better, he is teaching an extemporaneous performance class, and I want!  I am going to sign up for it and work on mining the Kinion family memories vault to bring those to fruition.  There is also a roundtable discussion with lots of the regional theatre bigwigs here in Chicago reacting to his other performance piece "How Theatre Failed America" but I really hope it isn't just whining.  On the Monday after this all happens, Tim Miller is back in town with his partner and they are both doing pieces.  It would be great to go see him again, but there is only so much money I shouldn't spend that I am can even pretend to afford to spend in one weekend, and I have seen Tim Miller perform whereas I have not seen Mike Daisey.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Random thoughts of the day

1.  Nerds that are flavored something "coated" something look strange.  They are oddly matte and the top coat is a little translucent, but it does not seem to affect their taste.
2.  I do not know if the non-passage of the buyout is a good thing or a bad thing.  I do know that Warren Buffet felt it was very important.  I also know that Jimmy Buffet sings Margaritaville and Warren Buffet is the guy from Nebraska who seems to have a really good grasp of economic markets.
3.  The good thing about being the cheapest person in you office is, if things get bad, it would make more sense for them to fire a lot of people before you.  Two since you are the one who can work the simple things and handle the annoying shit jobs and you aren't expensive, they will keep you around pretty long to make the lives of the people who's jobs got harder during layoffs not *quite* that bad.  Not that my workplace seems to be hurting, we seem fine.  But, my bank failed last week and I needed to think through a contingency plan.
4.  My new roommate Azar seems never to have assembled a bed or seen a bed assembled before last night.
5.  She also thinks it weird that last spring Johnny B, Chris and I decided that we should have some sort of emergency phone tree/meeting place in case something really awful happened.  Like flooding or tornado or earthquake or terrorist attack or something.  Since here in the city none of us have family except eachother.  This is also why I have my roomie's parents contact info as well as Sam's parents' contact info.  When my roomie went to the emergency room like a year ago, I realized I needed that.  Because what if something bad happens and they can't use their phone or I can't get to their phone to get the numbers?  It sort of put me in a panic.  Azar thinks I am insane.  She also thinks that John, Chris, and I would be a very hysterical group to be making plans.
6.  I put about 65 episodes of "This American Life" the radio show on my old nano and let my boss take it on her round trip train trip to Minneapolis.  She was looking forward to it while she was stuck on the train with her 13 year old (who came up with the train travel idea), but the 13 year old listened to it the entire way both ways.  She is very greatful.
7.  Letting the big head boss play in ping pong tournaments seriously impacts the ability to finish tournaments.  Unless the only thing that they have to do is play tournaments, but that seems not to be the case in the instance to which I refer.
8.  I kind of like laffy taffy jokes if only because I like trying to reason out what the "punchline" would be.
9.  I think Sam and I on the Amazing Race would be hilariously good TV because he is fairly travel savvy but completely untechnical and city boy.  I am not so good with the travel savvy BUT I can put things together and will try to do stupid stuff to win.  Also Sam only pretends not to be competitive.  He really likes to win stuff.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bathroom Musings

Today I was thinking while getting ready.  When do you tip?  I mean really.  Sit down restaurants where you have a server fetch and carry for you?  Heck yes.  Cab drivers?  Sure, but not at the same rate.  Hair stylists?  OK but because I go to a nice salon, also you kind of should, shouldn't you?  Movers and furniture deliverymen?  Yes, but only because I was told you should, and I try to give them water and pop if it is hot and coffee if it is cold.  Pizza and food delivery guys?  Yes, but it depends on the delivery fee for me.  If they have an exorbitant delivery fee, then the delivery guy gets a smaller tip (even though I know it is not his fault), so somewhere between a buck or two and five bucks.  Baristas?  Mostly no.  Maybe a quarter, but mostly no.  Not quite fast food places that kind of are fast food but like nicer quality fast food?  Not if I stand in a line and am herded cattle like quickly through my choices (Yes, I am looking at you Chipotle) and maybe if it is a little mom and pop shop that remembers my name and my favorites (Hi there Hueys Hot Dogs in A-Ville).
And then I wondered, am I wrong?  I mean I try to give a good tip to servers and bartenders, but in both cases their effort and diligence and skill complete my dining experience.  I want my hairstylist not to aaccidentally shave my head.  But is a barista at your local Starbucks the same as a bartender?  Should they get tips?  And where is the line?  Because in part servers get tips because it is assumed to be part of their wage which is why they aren't paid a ton hourly.  And it behooves both the restaurant and the server to angle for things that will return big tips--good service, big ticket items, more drinks.  It is mutally beneficial and rewards success and good behavior (well it should).  But Chipotle?  Starbucks?  I don't know.  What do you guys think?  And what would cause you to not tip or under tip in a situation where you normally would?  How crazy would that cabby have to be?  How bad a haircut?  What constitutes tip docking worthy poor restaurant service?
For me, if they come get my order reasonably well, if the food comes out in a usual amount of time, and if I get drinks they get a regular tip (if there was some wait or some delay but not a crazy amount then they maybe get 15% instead of 20%).  They basically can only go up. If they give me a good reccomendation, they get some more dough.  Same if they are attentive or bring me something extra.  If I have crazy requests and they do them they get at least 20% no matter how awful they may otherwise behave.  If they do all of this and pretend it was easy they can find themselves at 25% and up.  Also, if I have a little tab, I always way over tip.  Like if it is summer and I get like a few tacos and some water for lunch or a sandwich and water (because of dehydration, let's face it probably it would be alcohol but in case of not), and my bill comes to like $6-8.  I might drop only $10 for the $6 tab and maybe add a buck or two extra, but I am going to drop $15 for the $8.  I mean with a tiny tab, the fact that they would treat me just the same as that table having appetizers and guac and entrees and dessert and lots of alcoholic drinks when clearly they are going to get a way smaller return on their investment, they deserve at least a 50% tip and probably closer to a 100%.  If you can't afford to tip on what you eat, go to McDonalds.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Am I sick or am I just a mess?

That has been the question lately.  It has been a season of not wanting to climb out of the covers in the morning (and by season I mean like two weeks).  At first, it was easy to blame it on Sam being in Iceland, but he has been back for a week and well.  That makes it not work as an excuse.
But I just feel like I don't like it.  I have no idea what it is, but I no like it.  Maybe I need to devote some more time to things that make me happy.  And more walking/jogging.  That could perk me up a bit.  I don't know.  It is just plehhhhhh.  Or something.
Anyone want to send me a hug or a smile, please go right ahead I might need it.  Either that or I am sneaking some of Sam's happy meds.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Sam seems to be the one responsible for me getting to work vaguely on time

Because I can't seem to do it myself. Well and the main problem is that there is no consequence, and it isn't like I come in whenever I want I just don't get there until like 15 after 8 instead of 8 which. . .whatever no one calls then, hardly anyone bothers to come in then. Big deal. I just would be catastrophically late (or close to it) if Sam weren't there to nudge me along and get me out of the house. That is what he does most days. Without him this week things have been a little more rocky. This is what I have been working on avoiding.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Fall has shown up, but. . .

I wasn't tired of summer yet.  Usually there have been a couple of heat waves, and I kind of want to die and coolish weather and even rain are welcome.  Maybe not my favorites yet, but still good-ish.  Appreciated.  This year there was no freaking heat wave.  Nothing.  I mean it got kind of toasty for a few weeks, but not really.  And we had like 4 total days of Spring spread out between March and June which is totally a rip off.  I need some spring, not never ending winter.  And now they just glaze over and by summer after two and a half months?  Not OK!  Fall better freaking linger, but sadly it seems we are in for a winter that is just as hard as last years.  And it is already cooling way off.  It was very cold last night, a fact that was hammered home as I crawled into bed all alone since Sam is in Iceland.  Also, Steve McQueen is not a cooperative bedfellow.
Although the good thing about Sam being gone is that I can snuggle into his couch and have the TV and the Tivo and the whole place to myself.  It is wonderful, refreshing, and just what I needed.  And I really don't mind until he doesn't come home for bed.  Plus it is very odd to not get any text messages or IMs from him at all for days at a time.  That never happens, even when I am with him.  He will IM me from the other end of the couch.  He did send me an email though, telling me he missed me which is very nice.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Coming Soon

Yesterday I did possibly the most hardcore nerd thing I have ever done.  I sat in the rain for two and a half hours to watch a live taping of the National Public Radio show "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me: The NPR News Quiz Show."  And when I say rain, I am not fucking around.  It was a freaking torrential downpour.  This was not happy soft misty Pacific Northwest Seattle ass rain.  This was pounding, driving, big, fat drops rain RAIN!  I am talking Noah here.  It was however tons of fun.  The show was great.  These people are hilarious, and you can download it free from itunes starting on Sunday (I think).
I stayed relatively dry by covering my seat in the Frank Gehry designed Pritzker Band Shell with an entire volume of our free weekly undergroundy paper The Reader, and I wore a windbreaker and a bright green hooded rain poncho.  My two friends (Chris and Branson) had large umbrellas that helped keep some rain off me.  Basically above the knees I stayed dry excepting my face. 
Anyway, more about it this weekend.  Including some digital camera video and a pic or two!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Remember when AIDS was the WORST thing that could happen to you instead of just a sucky but very often survivable disease?

That is my hypothesis on one of the reasons teen pregnancy (and STD rates and STI rates) are growing rather than shrinking like they have been for 15 years.  Kids in the 90's were terrified to death of AIDS.  If you had sex, you would get AIDS, and no one would let you swim in the city pool, and then you would die in a terrible shrinking manner that would be awful and painful and involve lesions on your face.  This was a basic truth everyone knew.  And even nice kids who had never even had sex--like Ryan White--could get AIDS.  I went to Catholic school, so I knew that sex before marriage would obviously come with Biblical repurcussions of the huge and horrifying proportions that brought us the Plagues of Egypt and other awful things.  And even if you didn't go to Catholic school, I think the prevailing message of the 90's was unsafe sex is deadly.  I feel like most of us had to be vaguely aware that condoms were necessary for sex not to kill you, and I feel a lot more of us (than the kids of today) were likely to wrap it up.  I mean, remember when TLC wore condoms on their clothing.  It was a totally big deal.  Now I think condoms are thought of as unecessary, especially as lots of teen girls are on birth control to fix their acne/regulate their periods all in one swoop.  Basically, they need a little more fear of a great big sex induced disease pandemic those kids today.  They need it.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Oh Weekend of Drinking

I went to Howl at the Moon three nights in a row. On Friday I preceeded it with drinking at a cubs game and at Jamie's house and followed it up with drinking at another bar. Which explains why I spent Saturday doing a whole lot of nothing except recovering. It took many naps, and then we went to go pick something up and decided we must hit the bar again because well. . . Sam really, really, really likes it, and we now no longer have to pay cover.

And I really have not gotten a whole lot more done. I might watch some on demand Netflix and that is all.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Kitties + fireworks = owies

Steve McQueen does not like fireworks, but Sam lives right near Navy Pier where there are fireworks every Saturday and Wednesday between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  He gets very nervous and runs about all willy nilly and startles easily.  So it is good that that will be stopping this weekend.  He has come to peace with Sam.  They are buds.  They enjoy time together, playing with the laser pointer.  He has decided mostly not to hiss at Sam or I.  The move seems to have worn off.  And he hasn't gotten crazy when he realized he no longer lives with his buddy.  So, cat moving seems to have carried off well.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Better day?

Well, I stayed home from work due to massive sinus headache because it turns out over the counter Zytec does not work for me as well as other allergy meds I have taken in the past. In fact, it is quite possible that the cranky headache yesterday was phase one of this. Probably aggravated by a tech rehearsal. Although the tech rehearsal mostly went very well.

Yesterday I had chocolate and sun in the park instead of art. The park was just so lovely that I could not pass it up. Art this weekend. Last weekend of a photo exhibit I would like to see.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Today is not a good day

Although not a particularly bad one either.  I just ick it.  Very frustrated by many small things, would rather be under some covers with a good book or a movie and a kitty cat.
Ugh, and now I guess I missed the memo where we are to bring our costumes to rehearsal tonight, so I don't have them all.  I have all of the new ones, but not all of them.  I am missing my costume for the bartender I play in every episode.  It was provided to me, and I always wear it exactly the same.  So I figured if I don't cram that into my already overstuffed bag and drag it way far up north for the designer to see before I drag it back down, no worries right? She gave it to me, she knows what it is.  Except that instead I got a lecture on not having my shit together which was really the lecture she wanted to give other cast members who never bring costumes to see her.  And I wanted to say, listen, I live way the fuck away, I drag it all on my back, if I brought it you wouldn't have even glanced at it and muttered yeah, so I apologize in advance for not bringing it in and you lecture me!!!!  You live like a 5 min bus ride away.  I live a 45 minute bus ride (after a 15 minute walk) or a 35 minute train ride and a 10 minute walk away.  i am sorry if it actually is kind of hard for me to do this all.  Not to mention that I impromptu impermanently moved into my boyfriends house and left half of my costume over there, so I would have to get to his house and my house in less than 2 hours today.  Great.  Oh, or I could take time off work in order to get you something you have already seen?  Sure.  You know I will break my back for this, or you could be like, yeah I have seen that I approve your request to not bring that one item in this one time.  Or you could just say no sans lecture.  And now, NOW! I am lecturing all of my loyal readers.  Sorry, but this is really making me crazy today.   I need to get some food right now.  Maybe I should hit the art institute to look at some calming art?  This migh tbe important.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Hilarity (at least from my perspective)

So, last night I went to a big event for Sam's work. It was a ton of fun. My hair cooperated despite the humidity, so I even looked nice and presentable. I talked to Sam's bosses and lots of coworkers (some I already knew, others I didn't). Several of them questioned me, at times in depth as to why Sam has not proposed to me yet and why weren't we living together. I found this hilarious as I know why on both counts. He just isn't there yet, and that is fine with me. But I found it really funny that everyone he works with is really intent on planning our wedding.

Dana, who is one of the employees in his division, apparently is on his case about it all the time. She says she is helping me, so who am I to stop her. She tells him it is very mean of him to make me pay rent at a place I never even stay. She tells him he needs to start saving up for a ring--she'll help him pick it out. She reminds him that his grandmother is 90 years old and asks him if he thinks she would want to see him get married before she dies which can't be long now. I think all of this is hilarious.

Less hilarious is the fact that he thinks we can't move in together because, "Girls have a LOT of stuff." Which I find hilarious because he has just as much stuff as I do. Although a talk about that this morning prompted two results. The first was that he cleaned out a shelf in the little chest of drawers/wardrobe combo in his bedroom, so I could put my clothes there. He also cleaned out some of the closet. The second was that on my key ring is now a key to Sam's apartment.

In other news, I am going to not move, and sign an 11 month lease with Azar. Which is cost effective and peace of mind effective. In related news, I told Sam that gives him a year before I actually move in with him. Literally one year from right now. I will also be living at his house for the next month until Renee moves out because Azar will be there too, and that is just too many people. Steve is moving to Sam's tomorrow. We are going litter box and litter shopping like in a few minutes when I wake him up from his nap. Yesterday was a long day for both of us. We both spent 9 hours at work and 9 hours at parties. This was excessive.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sam can just be so Sam.

His cable was digitized today, so if it was plugged into the wall or just into a tivo it would no longer work. Because of this he has been getting messages for months about how he needs to order a cable box if he doesn't have one. The first one free and any others cost like $5 a month or something. Finally this weekend (as he as complaining about it loudly and crankily--in part because he was convinced his cable would still work), I said I would call the number for him. I did, it took like a minute and a half. That was Saturday.

Today I come back to his house after work, and outside (where his lobby would be if his building wasn't being MAJORLY restored) are a bunch of RCN people giving out cable boxes to the appropriate customers. So his procrastination would have been rewarded, if I had not helped him out. I couldn't pick his box up since it is in the mail, arriving tomorrow. Also his cable does not work, absolutely, positively not work. This made him make some rather high pitched and cranky noises that conveyed his disbelief and displeasure with this situation. Never mind the fact that he is meeting me here where he will stop for five minutes before we catch a cab to a fundraiser for my theatre company. We won't be back to watch TV tonight. We won't be back until late, so late we will just go to bed. Tomorrow, he can get home and set up his brand new cable boxes.

Of course, his procrastination would be rewarded, of course it would.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


Watching them in the morning from the Boyfriend's bed. Hungover. This is the life.

Also, hungover because I randomly ran into my friend Shavahn who lives in Brisbane, Australia. She was in town for one night only, and she walked right in to Howl at the Moon. Howl at the Moon which gave Sam a card that will get him in free and let him skip the line. Yeah, he is very excited, and I mocked him.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Blog and wordle explanation

Ok, so my friend Anna made a wordle of my blog. So I made a wordle my blog.

Then she scolded me for the gigantic-ness of Alfred versus the tiny-ness of Sam and Sam's. And I thought she had a point. So I wrote yesterday's blog post. AND THEN I made a wordle of my new blog. And she accused me of cheating. And I may have perhaps gone overboard. Just a little.

So I went back and pasted all the titles and text of my blog for the month of July into a wordle. Figuring that would be a more realistic pictorial representation of my blog. You know because I only talked about Alfred pertaining to one event that got a couple of posts because I was bored.

So that explains yesterday. Also I may have made a wordle of Sally's blog that I think is really, really pretty. So I am including it. Because I like it.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

To fix my wordle (I will post the results of both later).

Sam is my boyfriend.  Boyfriend boyfriend boy friend.  Sam, Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam.  Did I put that in enough to change the graphic?  I wonder?  Does Sam wonder?  Does Sam know?  Do you know Sam?
Sam.  Sam is Sam.  Sam is my boyfriend.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Olympic Update

To add to my Dara Torres is clearly fudging some rules somewhere story, there is no way in Christ that some of those Chinese girls (ie Deng Linlin or something similar to that I cannot remember) are 16 years old. No, no, no, no HELLS NO!

OK, that is all.


So, I somehow have to find a great looking but not too dressy outfit for Sam's company's 10 year anniversary party which is also outdoors, oh and the outfit must be black and white ONLY because there is a dress theme. Yeah, found out about the theme today. So, tried on like every dress in Macy's that was that and less than $100. No dress yet. I will be visiting my friend Katie's closet soon though. That should help. I hope.

Also watching Olympics on TV Netflix on demand on the computer. It is the perfect balance of goodness (and you can pause the on demand if the Olympics gets too good).

Ok, that's all for now.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Boyfriend found

So, the boyfriend was down the street at the Cheesecake Factory with Alfred.  They were fine, well as fine as can be in that restaurant, this particular version of which is bizarrely decorated.
Also, I have had honorary dykedom bestowed upon me because I am in the Ville and play such a good one.  So, there you go,  All the events of the day.  Ooooh and I got an expense check back that I forgot about.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

My Boyfriend Is Not Really Missing

But he is not in his apartment? Is he hiding from me? I doubt it. Three hours ago he was about to go grocery shopping with Alfred (his old roommate/best buddy/coworker), and Alfred's bike is parked in his dining room. But there is no Alfred or Sam to be seen right now. Very, very strange. I have not checked the fridge for shopping purchases.

Hold on.

Fridge has lots of beer and snacks in it. They were definitely here in the three hours since I left. Very strange. I imagine he will come back sometime. I will miss him if he stays gone. Also his birthday is Friday.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

After Vacation is totally lame

I don't want to go to work. I just want to curl up and sleep. Although my lack of allergy meds in a huge allergy time of the season may have some influence on these feelings. Trying a new allergy medicine though, we shall see how it goes.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Back in town

Although, my usefulness of day off work curtailed by rain. I am not going to drag a suitcase and wander around Chicago in the rain, at least not until I have seen all the episodes of MI:5 that are on the DVD with me here in Sam's apartment.

Reunion was mostly fun. Some of my relatives get really worked up for no reason. My sister is an early draftee of my generation to that grouping. Also children get very tall very quickly. I made it to the second round of the horseshoe tournament--with a ringer--and I played a lot of volleyball. I am now very sore, but volleyball was great fun. My cousin Brandon is a pinch older than I am and his uncle Mark and I played volleyball far away from the overexcited people and with the teenagers who thought we were all very cool.

I did get to see a bunch of my Missouri family who had flown in from out of town which was awesome! My grandmother gave me cab money and made me promise not to take the train from the airport, my mother not to be outdone also gave me cabfare, so I was totally set. Now I am back in Chicago, not working today since I came in so late last night.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Boyfriends worry

So, since I will be flying in so late on Sunday, I will miss the last orange line train.  My boyfriend's response, "Good!" because he doesn't trust the train that late at night.  He NEVER takes it at night.  ihave taken it at night several times.  It has been fine, but he worries, so I will be cabbing it on Monday.  You know assuming this giant thunderstorm does not derail my plans tonight.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Going to California

I have a family reunion this weekend, and because my family all loves eachother and enjoy the company of themselves, I am totally excited about it. Tomorrow night I leave work, catch the train to the airport, and get on a plane. Then I have Friday with morning of Sacramento zoo, afternoon reunion, Saturday all day reunion, Sunday morning church and then reunion until I get back on a plane Sunday evening.

Then I land here probably just late enough to miss the last orange line train into the city because God likes to screw with me. This means a cab ride, either to Sam's or to my house. I guess it just depends. Anyway, I may not be super blogger until Monday when I am taking the day off work to sleep and catch up with sleep.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Inapprpriate post: Begging Homeless People and Shoes

I encountered a few pet peeves this morning on my way to work.  One of them is inappropriately hostile beggars (they may have homes or be homeless I guess I really do not know).  Here in Chicago, the street people who ask for money are kind of hostile and forward.  They will heckle you as you walk past them, call you names if you don't give them money or the food you are carrying, and they yell at you to give them the money in the first place.  Now I know things are rough for a lot of people, but I am not one of those people who is rolling in the dough.  I am trying to get myself fiscally responsible, but it is a project for me as yet.  If I lost my job, it could be really bad really fast.  So I get that desperate times call for desperate measures, but I don't get how they think yelling at people is a good strategy to get those same people to give them money.  Also, on the same front, shaming them with yelling when they don't pay out seems not the best strategy to get them to pay you or any other street person.  Now, the street performers don't seem to do this.  It seems only to be the purview of the more homeless looking beggars.  But I just don't like it.  I don't like getting screamed at on the street because (as happened this morning) I did not buy a scary homeless person breakfast.  I didn't buy myself breakfast either.  I had it at work, as I have been lately because I have been broke since the middle of last week to payday on Friday which means I eat what is already at my house and I eat food at Sam's house and with Sam, and I usually take his leftovers for lunch.  In fact, if it weren't for him my situation would be way more dire this week, doable, but would involve ramen as my primary meal and cereal from the breakfast stores at work for both lunch and breakfast.  But anyway, not buying anyone breakfast at all not me, not homeless crazy person, and please do not yell at me about it.  Not cool.  Just not cool.
I also encountered inappropriate shoes.  Now, I encounter them everyday on office people who are obviously wearing non-office shoes with their office clothes on the way to work because they want to save their feet on the walking portion of their day or because summer in Chicago is freaking hot and sandals may just need to happen.  That is totally fine.  That is not the choice to go with their outfit, that is the choice to get through high powered blocks worth of fast walking and not all heels meet those specifications and not all outfits should have flats as an alternative, so fine wear the tennies or the flip flops to get to work and pull the sassy slingbacks out of your bag or your bottom desk drawer or wherever, and rock the whole look in the office and out at lunch and maybe even after work at dinner or drinks, that's totally cool with me.  All that I ask, is that when you put together a whole fancy outfit consider please your shoes.  Even with a non-fancy outfit consider the shoes.  Just think about things like your pant length (or skirt length) and think about the colors and the whole look as you consider what shoes to wear.  Not just any shoe will do, it can wreck the whole look or make the whole look.  I am not a person who advocates always match the bag to the shoes and always wear heels or anything like that.  I can and do get behind the funky and the dramatic, but even then it needs to work and not look merely like you were stuck playing dress up in a costume box and just threw any old thing on.  Bright silver Mary Janes cannot go with everything.  I know this because I have some.  They are really light and therefore almost have to be treated as white shoes and they are inherently dressy because the sparkle.  That doesn't mean you can't pair them with something casual, that just means you must make sure that the look can handle a little upgrade.  So, chiquita banana outside the Hilton on Delaware wife beater tank, and ripstop cargo pants (even in nice pretty white) is maybe not ready for slightly heeled silver mary jane's.  Maybe not quite what you are going for there.

Monday, July 28, 2008


Boy did I ever have one!  Friday night Chris and I went to see one of the NEA 4 perform a performance art/theatre piece about the state of being gay, gay marriage, and immigration right for the partners of gay Americans.  That makes it sound boring, but really it was not at all boring and totally awesome!  It was so great, and I am glad Chris and I went. 
Saturday, I went apartment hunting (yeah found several apartments that would NOT be OK and starting to lean towards moving way North for a year (to save money) and because I have to be up there near the Ville a few times a week anyway.  Still hunting.  Then I hung out with Chris all afternoon before meeting Sam and his parents for dinner (Sam's birthday dinner--early for the parents).  At like 9pm, Sam and I headed out to a birthday party thrown by my old boss which was great fun and involved seeing lots of bosses new and old pretty drunk.  It was awesome, but Sam and I are old, so we went home and were in bed after only two hours.
Sunday, Sam made spaghetti for lunch, and then I went to the spa at the 4 Seasons.  First of all, that hotel is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice.  I mean, wow.  I kind of felt like it was so nice someone was going to shoo me out for not following a dress code or not being frou-frou enough to be there.  Like they were going to figure out I was some sort of proletariet intruder.  But, I was led into the spa and had my own locker and fluffy robe and slippers.  I used the sauna which was not much fun, so I tried the steam room (which was fun) because they said you should do that before your massage.  I also used the big fancy medical scale which confirmed that I have in fact gained quite a bit of weight, so much weight in fact that I am either tied for or actually am the heaviest I have ever been ever in my life.  I have decided that stops now.  So, snacking done.  Excercise,let's do it.  I am going to make Sam let me use his excercise room when it is cold because turning 30 next summer I am not being this.  My goal for that is 15 pounds to lose which will put me down into perfectly fine territory and not even the skinniest that I have ever been, still a bit of weight from that.
Anyway, then there was the massage which was awesome.  I want one everyday.  Actually one in the morning and one before bed.  Can that be arranged?  I need a winning lotto ticket.  These were great.  Then there was the facial.  I think I have a new face.  Although I was scared the aethetician would tsk at me, she actually approved of my skin care regimine and just thought I should exfoliate more regularly.  No extractions in the facial, just mist and a masque and a new face.  Then there was more relaxation room, where I had strawberries and ginger tea and curled up with a magazine in between treatments.  Then I had the most delightful woman do my mani and pedi.  She was great.  Funny and interesting with great stories.  Her name was Chang and she is from the Phillipines, and I want to go back just to hang out with her.  Then I went back to the bathroom/locker room and took a shower and headed back to Sam's.  Four hours after I had started, I headed back.  It was great.  Best birthday present EVER!
Then that night, well after I woke him up from his cat nap on the couch--he told me too, I wasn't to let him sleep too long--Sam made me Thai food, a green curry chicken and noodles.  It was marevlous.  And I have leftovers like crazy for the week for lunch.  And I have only a four day week this week and next week because I will be off to California!

Friday, July 25, 2008

My thoughts on stuff

The people you meet when you are in a liquor store at 8am is kind of interesting.  Several of them seem to be homeless junkies/alcoholics.  There is the lady who buys lots and lots of lotto tickets, and the handful of office alcoholics who are buying something small and covert to doctor up their coffee.  Sometimes the homeless man will sing, songs with no real lyrics just a series of sounds, they tend to be sort of blues inspired.  Sometimes they are mournful and other times they get kind of peppy.  It seems to depend on the weather.
Now, why, you may ask, would I know what the heck is happening in a liquor store at 8 am?  Valid question.  It turns out the liqour store on the main floor of my work building has the cheapest ice cold pop around.  At 7-11 it is $1.07 for a can of pop and like $1.75 (after tax) for a 20 oz.  Even the fountain pop is a lot.  The CVS and the Walgreens don't have better prices (or only slightly better prices) for the 20oz and no single can options, and their drinks are only coolish, not ice cold.  At McDonald's you can get a large drink for $1 + tax which is nice, but way, way, way more soda than I should allow myself to drink, and the lines are always epic!  However, at the liqour store a can of ice cold diet coke is 63 cents!  Awesome.  I feel like I have been transported to my childhood with prices like that.  Plus it is exactly the summer caffeination that I look for to start my morning.  So yeah, I hit the liquor store at 8am.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

So much stuff

It seems like I am getting lots of sad news from friends lately.  I have had several friends going through particularly rough experiences of several different varieties lately.  Normally (or maybe just earlier) I would've written about these here in the blog, but none of this stuff is my story and in fact it only affects me because I don't like to see people I love having to have hard times.  I didn't really think it is or was my place to talk about it, but it also has been a rather large thing in my life lately, so I am going to write about it very obliquely like this.  I just love them and think about them a lot and want to do anything I can to help them, if there is anything else I can do besides love them.  And that is the end of what I speak about that.
This also got me to reflecting about the big changes in my life over the last year.  I have a whole new day job.  I no longer have a night job (the night job that has been a part of my life since I moved to Chicago).  I am in a play that has essentially an open (if weird) sort of run with writers who write for me.  I have a kitteh.  I have about 15 to 20 more pounds of me (things I am working to remedy).  I have free time and sleep.  And most importantly, I have Sam who is just wonderful, and I am so, so SOOOOOOO lucky to know him much less have in my life in the way that he is.  Altough, if last summer you told me that this would happen I would'v laughed in your face.  Because at this time last summer I was totally consumed with phone boyfriend, and I was pretty convinced he was going to move to Chicago as soon as his being a cop in Oregon thing fell through.  It turns out, that I am now really, really glad he never moved here--something that would've stunned me at this time last year.
Big year passed, big year coming up.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Long day

Lots of work, lots of stuff, lots of late talk with Chris. I think I am going to see if Renee wants to extend our stay here as roommates. It is probably my best option, and I think we will be better this year.

Also my cat wants me to smack him. He is just barely touching me with his wet nose, and it tickles, and I am really sure that he knows it bugs me.

Plus, nest news ever! Sam is feeling better, so much better. He feels relaxed and happier than he has in months. He is remembering what it feels like to relax. I am so relieved.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Hopeslessly un-smooth--or would that make me rough?

Actually my BF is pretty un-smooth too. His parents were in town last night because his mom is spending this next week at the International Calligraphy Convention in the burbs (probably not its real name) and his dad is spending it on Sam's couch. His dad is also going to get some fancy academic research done in the University of Chicago library. But last night we all went to dinner. I think Sam's medicine was giving him nasty side effects, so he really just wanted to go home and lie down, so when dinner actually got over, he was very relieved.

As we loaded up into his parents' car, he very quickly burst out with the suggestion that he was very tired and would fall asleep right after he takes his last pill for the day so we better just take Heather home, right now. This kind of made my head turn because I was thinking well sure ditch me because I am stupid enough to let your parents know that I basically spend 5 nights a week at your house. Anyway, I had them take me home because it was late-ish and rainy and why not get a ride.

Once I got home Sam sent me an IM saying, "I knew my parents were going to stay late at my apartment cooking for my mom's thing so it wouldn't work for you to stay here." At which point I said oh good because I kind of thought the way he went about it was mean and a little rude. So smooth my bf, so smooth. . .

Friday, July 18, 2008

News Event of the Morning

My cat Steve McQueen, although a little bit evil, is also very, very smart.  He has figured out how to pee in the toilet.  That is right.  He has potty trained himself, I guess from modeling our behaviors.  Either that or he thinks we drink from there and is trying to poison us.
I would not in hell have believed it was true, if I had not seen it myself this morning.  I went to go use the bathroom, like you do when you wake up, and there was my cat, sitting on the toilet looking cranky and morning grumpy like a person.  Also giving me a look, like, "I don't watch you when you do this?"  Although that is a lie, both our cats totally watch.  You go to the bathroom, and they burst in to curl around your feet or sit on the sink and stare at you--which apparently was some sort of teaching session.  Totally weird.  Kind of awesome.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Olympic Fever

I am starting to catch it.  In less than a month I will be setting up camp in front of Sam's tv, with my laptop open to the wide world of internet coverage.  It should be awesome, but in the run up something has caught my mind.
Is there any possible way that Dara Torres isn't using some performance enhancing drugs?  I feel like she has to be.  I even feel her belated diagnosis with asthma was a way to get to take drugs that enhance lung capacity.  It just defies reason and nature that after 5 years being retired and having a baby that she would come back in a few short years and swim way the heck faster at 40 than she did half a lifetime ago at 20.  I am not saying people at 40 can't be athletic, can't be competitive because I absolutely think they can.  They have, lots of them!  I am saying the miraculous improvement that she has shown seems too miraculous to be unaided.  It just smells sketchy, totally sketchy.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Not an ulcer

Sam doesn't have one, which is good.  He however may have some sort of anxiety condition that is making his stomach feel awful and screwing with his blood pressure which probably isn't wonderful to start.  So, he and his doctor (a new one who he likes because she talks to him) are pursuing some options that should make him less irrationally nervous.  Although, all of his explaining this to me, made me very, very anxious.  Maybe I am inheriting it?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Things make me irrationally nervous sometimes

Usually not the big things.  I am strangely adept at just ignoring or fabricating an elaborate explanation as to why that guy never called or why something I really, really want to work out really, really isn't.  Once (actually in the pages of this blog a few years ago), I managed to convince myself that just because my boyfriend was sleeping on the couch, avoiding me, and ignoring my phone calls didn't mean something was wrong with our relationship clearly it was far more obvious that he "liked" the couch, was really busy that week even if it was exactly the same as all other weeks, and well, his phone clearly was spontaneously getting bad reception, etc.  Big things no problem.  I studied at the Donna Kinion school of if I don't want it to exist it just won't.  She has denied the existence of my tatoo after seeing and touching it (eventually we got her over that, she might even like it now).
Small things can make me just crazy.  These small things I usually make up.  Like on random event will balloon in size in my mind until it is the hugest most enormous harbinger of impending doom.  Clearly most of the world's woes are caused by my forgetting to brush my teeth in the morning or misfiling a file or because I said something flippant that may have been much more hurtful than funny.  Today, I have been slowly torturing myself.  Well not all day, just this afternoon.  Later there will be snuggling with the boy.  That will make things better.