I totally got patted down yesterday at the airport

But not the whole big patdown. Then new full body scanners (which I went through) do not let you smuggle in a chapstick in your pocket like the metal detectors do. So, when I did that (like I always do), they asked me if anything was in my right pocket and I said, "oh, oh yeah I guess there is a tube of chapstick," and then a very polite lady told me she was going to have to touch my leg from right below my hip and down my thigh. Then she did just that. And really, if I had been paying more attention to the loud TSA woman in front of the scanners, I would've realized she was telling me (and I am paraphrasing here) take everything and seriously dudes everything out of your pockets because nothing can be in it when you go through the scanner.

Ummm, whoops? Well, that is what I get for not listening. Also, public service announcement: Take everything out of your pockets and your belt off when doing the full body scanner. Unless you want a stranger to rub your leg.