Making up for it

In dealing with what the fiancée and I went through in the past few years, I kind of feel like a jerky-ish person because part of me really really needed him to make it up to me, and as he first started to get better and better, I sort of salivated over the idea of him making amends to me.

I have calmed quite a bit down on that. That was pretty clearly an anger issue on my part and as time passed and our life became normal (or I guess not marred by the chaos it was formerly steeped in) my anger died down. It became apparent that our lives had stabilized.

And now, I feel like everyday is making up for it. In his presence in my life and not just his being in my physical space, he was that often before, but his mental and spiritual presence with me and the cat. He is around in our apartment, and he adds to it, and we talk and we laugh everyday. I feel like our regular life is always making up for it by just being happy. Yesterday he steam cleaned our carpets and made us an AMAZING from scratch dinner: marinated pork tenderloin roast, oven roasted tomatoes with garlic and balsamic vinegar, FROM SCRATCH polenta (made with chicken stock instead of water), and a spinach salad.

It is amazing what a year can do!