Saturday, April 22, 2006

Doubt

I am at that point in post-break up fallout where I am questioning everything I know to be true. Since the relationship I was so sure of wasn't sure at all, maybe other things I am sure of are faulty as well. I am not really in any kind of position to talk myself out of this. I am confused, and I am flummoxed by love, by jobs, by practically everything, so it is easy to think that I am wrong and have always been so and have just been convincing myself otherwise with no substance behind it.

I guess I just really need something to go right. I need a little hope or a little magic or something. I need some faith, either of my own or of people in me. Actually, in order for me to believe it, I probably need a whole lot of faith in me from others--to counteract the nauseating doubt.

This is such a very depressing entry, and I don't feel like I am quite this depressed (or depressing) to the people I am around a lot. At least, I hope I am not, but when I am alone that is when my thoughts are left to their own devices and their devices haven't been very much fun for me since Patrick left.

2 comments:

Robyn said...

Doubt sucks. But I have faith in you! You are a wonderful talented nice person- believe in that!

Anonymous said...

well--at least it took something of a significant relationship of some sort to raise some doubt...so that ought to help you regain faith? wow--i make loads of sense--i think *or rather hope* you get where i'm coming from...and if you didn't--think of it this way...logically--the one doesn't necessarily lead to the other--so--ummm...yeah? you know what...i don't think you should ever listen to a word of advice from me should you ever be insane enough to seek it...i'll redeem myself on the next one!