Movie Day

I went to two flicks today. I saw the X3, and it had some way, way, WAY bad acting in it (by oscar award-winning actresses no less). However, it did have some cool action scenes, and Beast was way cool a la Kelsey Grammer who was having a blast getting to be a bad ass. It was fine, but not as cool as the first two (although I still want to jump Wolverine's bones and found myself enjoying a very scruffy Cyclops until he bit it early on). Speaking of biting it, what is with like hardly any of the original cast being in this movie. Also way cool ending moment of death--kind of sexy.

I also saw the Da Vinci code. Note to filmakers--things that make for slow watching: any time your main characters are 'thinking' a problem through because there isn't much to watch even if you do cool cgi things, also any time you have to quickly explain large amounts of history that it is important the audience retain because it gets boring and complicated even if you do cool cgi things. By the way, TDC had cool CGI things but was hard to stay with because the characters 'thought' a lot (how fucking hard an acting job had that to be--and what was the Tom Hanks playing John Cusack sort of thing, I might have liked John Cusack more) and because there was some seriously dense historical stuff being flung at me a mile a minute and I already read the book. It was mostly underwhelming, but not as awful as I expected from the reviews.

I fell in the river and sunburned my knees

Yeah, that's right Renee and I tipped the canoe over and fell in, but it was actually quite refreshing and not as freezing cold as I expected it to be. It was fine, and then I got a suburn on my knees only because there were holes in my jeans. It was a quite fun trip, but I feel like I was in the car this weekend for nine millions years. I saw like all of Western and Central Pennsylvania.

I had a really good time though. Meeting Janna and Renees families was very interesting, and it kind of taught me a lot about them. Their families are great, but very different. Plus I got to see cows!!! And farm land, and it was good.

Fuck Rain

Seriously fuck it. In like an hour (or please God less), I am going to be dragging myself, my pillow, a suitcase, my purse and probably some other little bag to the train and then from the train to my soon to be apartment. Oh yeah, and it is fucking raining!!!!! That will be fun--did I mention my pillow.

However all this is happening because I am going to Pennsylvania this weekend for roomate family fun. My wonderful roomate Renee's famly throws a bash all Memorial Day weekend, and I am invited. It should be ten tons of fun, but I will be computer free until at least Monday night.

Also the new Dixie Chicks CD rules!!!! It totally rules!! Also, a kid from high school who lives in Chicago found me on My Space, so I will maybe have him to add to my friends here in Chicago. Umm, that is all.

Thank God Katherine McPhee didn't win

But the big question is, since I live in a city that hosts an audition, should I join the masses and audition for American Idol myself? I by no means think I am an amazing singer, but I am as good as a bunch of people who made it into the Hollywood semi-finals and even a few who made it into the finals. Plus, even if I am not a great singer, every time I have the briefest solo in a musical several people come up to me and tell me how moving my singing is. So, what do we all think? Should I idol?

Also had to raincheck the Dixie Chicks, but I may get the new CD tomorrow afternoon (when more 'may' be coming in). Talked to the new boy on the phone at work today again (as part of work). We both seemed ridiculously overeager to help and super kind and stretched the phone call out as long as possible while still making it work even though our stores were quite busy--I think, this could all be what I read into it for no reason.

So. . .

A boy likes me, maybe. And I maybe like him. I am not sure. I met him Sunday, and there seemed to be a little something, something--but I wasn't sure. I also talked to him briefly on the phone tonight, and it was awkward in that I like a stranger kind of way.

The best part of this story is that I met him at a joint store meeting with another Pier 1. Oh yeah. We talked on the phone because he was calling my store about the usual neighborly store stuff (and our stores are very neighborly and very close by).

Anyway, so there's that. I might have to call that store more often and try to talk to him. My boss thinks we would be cute (she also noticed the something, something).

Being a Nanny is strange

It is by far the weirdest situation I have found myself in--not bad, just weird. Actually it is turning out pretty well. I am busier, but not in a crazy way, just in a more of my time is taken up way. I also am finding my life more comfortable with the extra money. It is just weird to be the help. It is weird to be such an intimate part of peoples' lives and yet not hardly know them at all.

Several hours a week I play mommy to two kids who could very easily be my children (my mom was my age with kids the same age), but I am a virtual stranger to their parents. We are finding our way to a relationship--a relationship where I am still the help who knows way less then them. I don't even know what dad does for a living. It is very bizarre. I like the kids though, and I was hugely relieved to see mom lose her temper with the toddler this morning because he can be rough and I was worried that I was the only one who had a hard time with it.

It has its perks though, like the look on the infants face when I make silly sounds at hiim that make him smile.

Friends

I just randomly talked to a bunch of them tonight. It was nice, even if some of them had missed the memoe regarding stuff that has happened in my life lately. It was nice to talk to them and hear what they were up to. I wish I could see them more often--although Mary Hotter will be here in Chi town in August.

Dixie Chicks CD Tuesday--will so buy it.

The Universe Gave Me Flowers

No really, it did.

There is this funky, seemingly found object vase at pier one that is bright turquoise and I have wanted for a while, and I always wanted a few stems of peonies (bright red) to put in it. However the vase is $30 and the peonies are $5 a stem, so it just was too expensive, and I never bought any of the pieces. Yesterday, they both went 50% off, and I get my discount on top of that, so the ended up being about $22, and yesterday our store finally got the pier one bucks (gift certificates to the store) that we won last month. I got $21. The universe gave me flowers.

Also, I got an important update on my auto insurance in the mail today. I think that perhaps the insurance company that sent it to me needs an important update--I don't have a car.

Sleepy

Must have sleep soon. Too tired from having too much fun and seeing too many people. Also must rest up for babysitting and second truck on Friday. So tired.

My friends are growing up, so maybe I am too

Seeing everyone this weekend was a pretty powerful thing. It was wonderful, and with such a gap between actual conversations with them they had all grown up a lot. Before we were like training wheel adults, but the people I saw this weekend were for real, fully actualized, grown-ups. I didn't know we could do that. It was fantastic, and I am so glad I went.

Also, I will be house managing (kind-of) for the company that did the show I loved a few weeks ago in order for the director to see it one last time. Anyway, hopefully this will be a good connection to build. We shall see. I better go downstairs and buy food before the little store closes.

So tired

I could sleep for a week, but that isn't actually going to happen because I am working for the next ten straight days, and then I go to Pennsylvania.

Seriously seeing all of my wonderful friends this weekend was fabulous, and I am soooooo glad that I got to go and that I went. I plan to be at Jim's wedding in July too. Speaking of, it wes nice to meet the new types too (Mandy and Amy).

Plus, I got home to an email from the director of the best play I have seen in Chicago. He was wondering if I wanted to or could help house manage this weekend (going to try). Also, he was extending info about his auditions next time. So that is cool.

Now here is to watching season finales!!!!

In honor of Mother's Day

And in honor of my mother (inspired by Kevin Smith's--yes, that Kevin Smith--blog which totally rules), I would like to make this blog a list of things she has taught me.

How to make the world's most amazing chocolate chip cookies from memory.

That it is valid to speak your mind always because no one can take your opinion or point of view away from you, nor should they.

How to sew like a bad ass.

That family is family, and you love them no matter what, and you do for them no matter what, and they don't have to share your DNA or your blood to be family.

How to drive (which would explain a lot to the friends who complain of my driving).

To try to find the good (or at least the thing that will help you grow) in everything.

That a great fit is important whether clothes cost $500 or 5 cents.

That quality is always better then quantity, especially in relationships.

To look at the practical side of things (dad gets an honorable mention here too).

To enjoy your friends.

But beyond what she has taught me, I must thank her most of all for always supporting me even if she had no idea what I was doing or what she was supporting.

I hate rain

It is cold and rainy today in Chicago, and this post will be short.

Saw big long two Shakespeare plays last night. Two in a row, both Henry IV's. OMG!!!!! Roger Ebert was in the audience with me, no sign of thumbs after either show.

Going out with Emily and Holly. YEA!

Have no idea how I will get all things done before leaving for trip. May never sleep again.

Work 7+ hours before my lunch break today, of an eight and a half hour shift (the half hour being the lunch break). Was not as bad as it sounded.

Will see many of you in KC in two days!!!!!!

Things that rule

Brian Turpin
My Boss
Wendy's chicken nuggets and french fries
Frosty with bits of Butterfinger in it
Getting home in time for American Idol and going to the library first

Here's why:

Brian Turpin has gotten me a comp ticket to go see BOTH PARTS of Henry VI at Chicago Shakes!!!! FOR FREE!!! Uh-huh, uh-huh. That rules most certainly (however am babysitting in afternoon, so may not get to go which kind of sucks).

My Boss let me off work 45ish minutes early, so I got to go to the library way before it closed instead of maybe just as it was closing. I got 3 Jasper Fforde novels, and a Georgette Heyer for the trip to St. Louis, and got home in time to see American Idol.

Wendy's is just good.

Again, good with Wendy's and frosty's.

I got home just in time to see it. Oh yeah. Also, on the way home I saw the best bumper sticker ever!!! It read "Frodo Failed. Bush has the ring."

That is all I leave you with today.

Reflecting on Jesus

Jesus-boy that is. Reflecting on the fact that that is the longest relationship I have ever been in. That was my high water mark, my endurance point. Seriously? I look around and see all my friends in relationships (marriages and not, going to be marriages and not), and I think why can't I do that? A couple of months seems to be all I have in me (whether I am the one ending the relationship or on the receiving end of that).

What am I missing? What day of life did I sleep through? Even my grown-up relationships can't stay the course. How did the long term one come from the guy who I thought was kind of dumb but really too pretty to turn down when he was being so persistent, so I let him go out on a date with me. And then another and then another and so on until we were in a relationship, and that lasted a year and a month. WTF? There was no future in me and Jesus-boy (although if there were I would totally be running one of his dad's hotels right now).

Thank you CJ Cregg for sending me wondering in this direction. What would have done with tonight if I didn't have this to dwell on?

Okay, fuck all tv people except CJ Cregg

She does relationships like real people with crying and yelling and having no idea what the fuck to do, so don't fuck her. She's fine. Her relationships only get straightened out by writers who are being nice to long term fans in the final episodes of the whole series after she has screwed things up for eight years. That's more like it.

Also, upon reflection, I may actually be that scary.

Sorry about the crazy post-happy this weekend. I swear I will not be quite so every five minutes as my life gets back to busy this week--especially with using my days off to go to KC.

Fuck tv people!

Fuck them, seriously. TV people both cutely and upfrontly admit that they are scary and damaged, and that means the way is paved for smooth starting of new relationship.

Well, if only I had know it was that easy!

I am scary, and I am damaged, and I don't think I particularly try to hide either of those (beyond the measures of general politeness and sometimes not even then). I mostly feel the scary is right on out there, all of the time (and therefore so is the damage--the scary being a direct result of years of damage starting way, way back in the childhood), and yet this doesn't seem to draw men or relationships to me. In fact, I was under the impression that it seemed to do the opposite (some of you reading this remember the days when I theorized that I in fact repelled men--and had good evidence to back this theory up). Also I have found that listing the general damage or scary doesn't work as nicely as it did for Chris O'Donnell. So, fuck tv people. Fuck them, seriously.

Post will be short

Grey's Anatomy on first c break. Cannot believe Callie just peed half-naked in front of Meredith. Awesome!!!

Umm, so sinuses are no cool, and hopefully claritin will make it better. Also, I will be in KC this time next week. And, I won a candle at work. Woo hoo!!!

Brian Bush

So, I had my audition, and it went well-ish (I think), and Brian was there. Well, not really (but he had met the director who was auditioning me the night before so I ended up talking about him at my audition).

Basically, the room was small and concrete, and I am really, really loud. Who knows if I was even in any way intelligible. The pieces were fine--made the director laugh at the funny one and the Romeo and Juliet one was pretty good and made more interesting by the fact that I basically had to whisper it to not reverberate in the room (damn, did I never realize just how I loud I am). Then there was the talking part where I found out he was from Western Washington and had been a student of Nike's (a professor of mine from grad school), and we bonded over Washington a little and then enter Brian Bush. Anyway, I have no idea if I will get it or not, but I survived and it was easier then I thought it would be. Enter more auditioning for Heather.

Movies, moving, friends, and an audition

Yea for Netflix. Five at a time may be just the perfect mass for post-boyfriend me (not, hopefully post boyfriend for my entire life but you know just currently post most immediate boyfriend). I am very movie happy currently.

Moving is hard, especially when it is only three girls moving heavy shit three doors down in the alley. My forearms hurt like a bitch!!! And I get to do it again tomorrow/later on today (technically since it is Saturday already).

My friends here rule, and I realize that more and more every time I see them or hang out with them. Also all of us need to remind Renee to stay strong and harass Janna about a boy. I know many of you who read this don't really know what I am talking about (but Renee and Janna are the future roomies).

I am kind of freaked out/scared to death/little bit crazy about the upcoming audition. The goal is to remember to breathe. All night and all day tomorrow with the breathing. Oh shit.

Also happy cinco de mayo.

Why do I want to spend my days off on the couch

I have tons to do today, and I just want to watch Netflix on the couch. Moonlight Mile right now, then maybe some children of God and then maybe some MI5, but I have laundry to do, phone calls to make, and I need to ensure I don't suck at my audition this weekend. So what am I doing? Sitting on the couch. That's right. And still in my jammie.

AUGH!

I freaking missed American Idol tonight!!! I even took the time to set up the tape and everything. I think it is possible that my roommate may have watched tv after I left for work and before AI and Hous e (which I also missed). That totally blows!

I know, I know two long posts in one day.

Yeah, I am a bit much lately, but I have had so much to think about and so much more time to internet that it happens. When I start babysitting, I am sure that these will get shorter and maybe happen a little less frequently.

Anyway, what I wanted to write about was how the musical Company sort of fell back ito my lap this past week, and I vaguely knew and had heard some of the music (since I have always been a Sondheim fan), but it seems to have shown up to help me (or at least give me perspective). Now I have never seen it (only heard the music), but it seems to be about people and love and relationships (I know, isn't everything?). Particularly, there is a character named Robert (Bobby) who seems to share with Patrick a reluctance to serious relationships (not to say that I think they are the same since I only know the songs in the musical). Robert sings a song called "Being Alive" that I can't seem to get out of my head, and the lyrics themselves seem important to me at this moment, like I had needed to find them.

Now, I wasn't sure if I should write about this and my feeling about it here in such a public venue, or if I should just have kept in my own paper journal at home, but as this has continued to almost haunt me, even after I wrote about it, I decided I should just fuck it, and put it all out there. Besides, if I change my mind I can always delete this post, right? So, here goes.

I have been torn between reacting to this break-up by crawling into bed and pulling the covers up over my head and just staying there (for days or weeks if I could get away with it) or by just walking away from it completely with no ties--severing any emotional connection that I can, killing the last vestiges of love that remain. Neither has seemed the best option, or even a doable option for me. I also feel like I don't ever want to try this again. I don't like being left hanging or playing the fool for 'backing the wrong horse' if you will, so part of me wants to just give up entirely (and I realize that I am not the first or the last person to think these thoughts when left alone to think after a break-up). The song "Being Alive" has made me think about what I have done and am doing right in the me-Patrick saga and it' aftermath, and I think it has sort of a way to aspire to. This song gets it right, or what I think is right from where I am standing today, so I include the lyrics here.

FRIENDS [frantically]:
Bobby...Bobby...Bobby baby...
Bobby bubbi...Robby...Robert darling...
Bobby, we've been trying to call you.
Bobby...Bobby...Bobby baby...Bobby bubbi...
Angel, I've got something to tell you.
Bob...Robbo...Bobby love...Bobby honey...
Bobby, we've been trying to reach you all day.
Bobby...Bobby...Bobby Baby...Angel...Darling...
The kids were asking--
Bobby...Bobby...Robert...Robby...Bob-o...
Bobby, there was something we wanted to say.
The line was busy...
Bobby...Bobby bubbi...
Bobby fella...Bobby sweetie--

ROBERT [speaking]: Stop!...What do you get? [Sings]
Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.

PAUL: That's true, but there's more to it than that.
SARAH: Is that all you think there is to it?
HARRY: You've got so many reasons for not being with someone, but
Robert,
you haven't got one good reason for being alone.
LARRY: Come on, you're on to something, Bobby. You're on to something.

ROBERT:
Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

DAVID: You see what you look for, you know.
JOANNE: You're not a kid anymore, Robby. I don't think you'll ever
be a kid again, kiddo.
PETER: Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't be perfect. The only thing
to be afraid of really is that it won't be.
JENNY: Don't stop now. Keep going.

ROBERT:
Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

SUSAN: And what does all that mean?
LARRY: Robert, how do you know so much about it when you've never
been there?
HARRY: It's much better living it than looking at it, Robert.
PETER: Add 'em up, Bobby. Add 'em up.

ROBERT:
Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.

AMY: Blow out the candles, Robert, and make a wish. *Want* something!
Want *something*!

ROBERT:
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

What is up with my taste?

Seriously, when did I become this person I am now? I used to be perfectly happy to be single all the time (because, let's face it, I was single ALL the time--whatever, who was I going to be with in Idaho or in Pasco?). I date one great guy (who turns out not to run the course as I had hoped), and all of a sudden I can't handle the single life (which had kind of been my niche).

Admittedly, I did just break up with Patrick, so perhaps I will snap back into singleness sometime in the nearish future, but I feel like my psyche has betrayed me or something. She used to be on my team, but now she is on someone else's team--like she has been hanging out with my mom and grandma and their friends, and she (psyche) can't wait to marry me off. When did this happen? Six months ago I was not this girl. Where did she come from? Can I send her back?

So, in connection with the new psyche, what are my favorite shows on tv right now? Well (other then Grey's Anatomy) they are "What About Brian?" and "How I Met Your Mother" which are basically the drama and comedy versions of eachother The story is about a group of friends in their late 20's to mid 30's. In Brian, everyone is paired up except Brian a smart, funny, tv perfect kind of guy who can't seem to get himself the right girl. In Mother, there is the couple, the single career babe, the asshole womanizer (Doogie Howser being freaking hilarious), and Ted the smart, funny, tv perfect kind of guy who wants to get married but can't seem to get himself the right girl. Frankly, they are the kind of characters (Brian and Ted) that make real people's lives miserable because you never seem to meet them in real life (or you think you do but are proven wrong because that's how real life differs from TV and movies). Anyway, that is what I toture myself with lately. Thanks psyche, thanks for everything.

Also, Brian Bush and I saw the best play the other night. I rank it right up there with 98 Midsummer at OSF and Imago's Frogs as some of the most magical theatre I have ever seen. It is called Dustbowl Gothic, and I highly, highly reccommend it, so if you are in Chicago, go see it. It's at the building stage (see their website ), and I don't know how to explain it except to say that it is magical and touching and the more Bushie and I talked about it, the more we loved it and the more we got out of it. Speaking of theatre, I have an audition Saturday which means I should get off this computer and get my ass ready!