A friend and I were discussing a few weeks ago the oddness of a third friend of ours. This third friend seems to be using their mid-twenties to strategically position and present themselves as a specific type. I mean we all change in our midtwenties (and before and beyond but that moment in time seems particularly fertile with the first foray into adulthood all alone), and sometimes that involves trying out new things that might lead you to new fashion or interests or whatever or for health or something. So why does this third friend's change needle us?
As far as I can figure, I think it needles me (cannot speak for second friend) because it has a very artificial and put on sort of feeling. It is like a weird strategy and it seems to be even being presented as a strategy rather than a more organic growth. Like I could get the following, Jane wants to get in better shape so she tries various exercise class and yoga rocks her world and so she goes to more yoga classes and ends up at a very sort of religious yogic studio with yogis who shave their head and wear robes and a year or so later Jane is one too. I mean I would definitely think that weird, but I can see the way the dots connect even if they would not have connected like that for me. But for third friend I don't see the dots connecting. And this irks me because I tend not to be friends with the kind of person who gets to strategic in positioning themselves in life because that strategy feels fake and put on to me.
I have no trouble with the particular personality/life niche third friend is putting themselves in. I mean it isn't the most common within my friend group, but it isn't unrepresented. But my friend group covers many because it has grown organically to include all sorts of people, and actually the unifying factor seems to be that they are all unique organic people and even if they mostly fit into a specific niche (Logan Square Hipster Artist, Vegan Marathoner, Park Slope Stroller Mommy, etc.) the thing about all of them is that they aren't that cleanly definable. The housewife I still am friends with from home is sarcastic and liberal and talks about how she should've never taught her kids to speak and can't wait for the teenagers to get out of the house. The Logan Square Hipster Artist loves sex and the city and girly movies. I am very clearly a Childless NPR Artist/Intellectual (which talk about a lame niche to accidentally end up) but I go to rock shows and I don't even listen to NPR, I listen to some of their podcasts (yes I know that makes it worse). Third Friend is driving me the crazies because in pursuit of this ideal new life niche, third friend is sanding off all the edges of third friend's life and losing all the really interesting bits about third friend and replacing them with faux interesting trump l'oiel life (I know I spelled that wrong and I do not care). I like the real interesting bits even when they aren't glamorous and reveal way less cool roots (see all my country kid stories).
Where's Beebo?! There she is!!!
11 years ago
4 comments:
Given that I fit into the category of Pseudo Village Elder/Wise Woman, I will simply say from my lofty perch of having been there, done that that she'll get over it. Or she won't.
She's not happy with the one aspect of her life she's most afraid to change, so she's trying to become "authentic" in other ways because she knows she's sold out in one of the biggies. And she'll either eventually become so miserable that she figures out how to make the change she needs to make in order to feel happy and fulfilled, or she won't. In which case, you'll probably drift apart. Because that's what happens.
Let's hope she finds the courage to be happy.
(Verifier: "sunthing," which I'd very much like to become right now. A sunthing on a beach in a bikini, maitai in hand.)
A different perspective: if you don't know where you're going, you're not likely to get there. Maybe your friend knows where she's going.
Anonymous-that is a very interesting point. Third friend is clearly pointing in a direction.
I am a lot more of a enjoy the journey, forget the destination kind of person.
For anyone who might still be reading the comments, I do think that me being the judgy one about someone else's choices is the problem. Because really, what should I care how someone else lives their life. It is theirs, and I wouldn't want them to judge me like this.
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