Slow stories

I am a big fan of Mad Men, and since it just started its third season it is getting a bunch of publicity (note that I just got on board with seeing episodes of all of the first two seasons right before season three started). It tells its stories in a way that most TV shows do not right now. You have to pay attention and you have to be patient and hang in there to get the reward. It is lush in its art direction and costume design, but very subtle in its storytelling, and it tends to go for more character driven, character revealing tone and mood pieces than it does plot. Plot happens but very, very slowly.

Like I said, it isn't like most TV right now. Most TV doesn't trust its audience to be paying attention and to return without big brash cliffhangers each episode.

Well, and sadly Mad Men's ratings would seem to suggest that there isn't a tremendous audience for those shows that do put their faith in the viewer. But it is magical. And awful. It is about the way that things are not always what they seem on the surface and it uses the backdrop of the (so far early) 1960's to lay that story out.

This is the Camelot 60's not the flower power 60's yet. It is much more what you would expect of the 1950's. And knowing what we do of Vietnam, the Civil Rights movements, the SDCC, etc we know that this pale, fragile facade is about to crack wide open. This show revolves around a man who is very clearly not what he seems. Early on we discover that the lead character has at some point stolen the identity of someone else. The longer you watch, the more clues you get into how that came about, how the new man with the new name and the new life came about from the old man and his old life.

It is beautiful, but ugly all at once. Things have come a long way since that time. The show doesn't hide from the racism, sexism, smoking, alcoholism, segregation, etc. that was commonplace for people of the time. Kids don't wear seat belts, people litter, everybody smokes-even pregnant women.

Lots of people who have tried the show don't like it (not TV critics though, they pretty universally praise it, but it is a brilliant story told brilliantly, of course they love it, especially in the sea of hurried, slapdash, insipid shows that fill a lot of their time). I read a blog by a TV critic who does indepth reviews of every episode--even in his day job where he at best writes a few articles each season on the show. Each post is usually quite long and always insightful, and fanatic fans like me devour it and often comment on it with comments leading into the hundreds. This morning there was a new post up. And some of the commenters are clearly not fans of the show, but they come in to post that they find it boring.

Ok, great. You don't have to like it, but why do you have to interject that you don't in a place that is clearly for the people who really, really love it. Those people make me mad! I get that those people clearly do want to ruin other people's fun, but I am sad for them that they do.

If the above sounds like something you might be interested in, I think you should take a look at Mad Men, but if you find you don't like it, I will understand. Although I would advise that it is the kind of thing that should be given your full attention, unlike many other things that can be followed in the background of using the computer or playing solitaire or whatever.

Also for Serenity fans, the crazy red headed chick who tried to convince Mal that they were married and was really like an assassin is a major character and TOTALLY awesome in this show. It also has Zoe Bartlett in it, and Wendy Preffercorn (lotioning and lotioning, oiling and oiling) from Sandlot.

So tired lately

I have been sleeping very badly for the last few days. All wakeful and restless. It sucks. I am however basically moved in. Tonight I will tackle a small pile of WTF/Where the hell can this possibly go stuff and then we are all in.

I look forward to next Wednesday, although I will schedule an appointment with my doctor for that day, I plan mostly to do nothing, lots of nothing, and then the following Wednesday I might take advantage of a whole day to go down to the Museum of Science and Industry and see the Harry Potter exhibit, or maybe I will museum it up closer to home.

Decided on a project

Inspired by my coworker Michael's little sister (the Broke Ass Bride) and in search of a project, I am going to blog my wedding planning (because lets face it I was going to do it anyway). However I am going to do it in its own spot. Not sure where, but I am going to join the avalanche of bridal bloggers. They all have a cute little Miss ________ name. Like Miss Meatball (the broke ass bride who is a vegetarian but whatever) or Miss Cupcake or something. I am thinking of unique Miss names that haven't already been taken, and I think I might decide to be Miss BLT for no other reason than I have been obsessed with BLT's lately.

What think you all?

Feelings of Inadequacy

I am applying for a new job. But not applying for any and every new job like an escape. I am applying for one very specific new job. At the zoo. It will be really cool and a job I could love with my whole heart. It has like almost everything I could hope for in a job. That is assuming that it is full time and has benefits which it didn't totally specify. However, if it close to full time, that is good enough. If I really need benefits, Sam and I can elope which would actually solve all sorts of wedding planning woes.

Anyway, Sam is looking at my resume which I haven't looked at/touched in over a year. He is some sort of zen guru of resumes (and he will gladly help people out with them because he likes it), but he kept sending me IM's today as he looked at it that freaked me out like I don't even know how to do a resume. Although I knew it had severe formatting problems because it was originally done in word or it might have been word perfect, and now the copy I have of it is in Google docs and things got weirded out as it changed, but the important part was all the resume stuff was in one place, like the information was there. That is the part that is hard to resurrect. It even had some contact information that is accurate.

So I feel inadequate about my resume, but fortunately the zoo hasn't seen it yet. I hope that it will be turned in tomorrow.

Procrastination

I am at it right now. I am lying in bed typing this and watching some Mad Men. I should be heading to my apartment to finish the packing up and throwing away and cleaning up. I will, and I think I will do it the long walky way where I can stop and have an orange julius.

Well now I really have to move

I booked some movers and booked the freight elevator at Sam's.  So now I really have to have stuff done by next Wedneday at noon.  However, I have a lot of time between now and then and I already have several things packed.  It will be ok.

 

That is really all I have for today.  Except for the fact that I really enjoy that Corner Bakery (a yummy kind of quick kind of cheap lunch chain here) has an insane plethora of tasty caffeine free beverages to choose from at lunch.  A Lemonade that is more lemonade than vaguely lemony wateryish stuff.  A caffeine free diet coke.  Some juice choices. AND, their lemon-lime soda is Fresca!  Which is not lemon lime but it delightful and citrusy!  It has been making my afternoon all afternoon.

Possible Project

I have been thinking about being better about focusing on doing productive and enriching things outside of work. Like art projects or exercise or better eating rather than watching crap on the tivo. But I am not sure what to do and I am lazy. Although I have been getting a lot of good reading done lately so I am not totally a a wusstastic washout.

Anyway, I probably should get beyond the total move in to Sam's before I start anything but here are my thoughts on the horizon.

1) Make audio recordings of the solo autobiographical things I want to work on and post them here and maybe other places for feedback. This is an especially good idea because I think it is an ideal first step to see where exactly I need work. As I feel I am many steps away from getting a space and just doing it as well as from hitting open mic nights and just doing it. And I think this is the right first step that should maybe illuminate some of the other steps I must take.

2) Starting a new blog. This blog would document every bit of food I eat for an enitre year. It is inspired by some art I was reading about in the New Yorker as well as being an ideal writing exercise. Plus I think the variance between the total junk food crap I like, health-ish food we make at home, Sam's forays into foodiness, and the great restaurants we hit in Chicago and elsewhere would make a great variation. Also I think it might be a bit of a diet aid because I might be able to see where I go wrong and/or at least stop eating quite so many candy bars at work.

Idea number 2 however has the marking of a MAJOR time consuming undertaking. What does anyone think? Which should I take up?

More drainage, ex boyfriends, crazy cupcakes, cousins, and more

First of all I need to say that I saw someone wearing one of the shirtdresses that are popular now, but her dress may have just been an actual shirt and it was indecent. Like she was walking down the street and I think I saw her hoohoo. Because it was like a big man's shirt but with exaggeratedly long front and back with big styled curves in it. But in the dresses they usually button down well past where they would in a real shirt otherwise a vajayjay would pop out and inappropriate times. This shirt/dress did not button down that far. I live near a lake and there is a breeze, so I think I saw her hoohoo. But she looked scary and was smoking so I didn't say anything.

Still having major drainage issues at night which are leading to snoring a lot and coughing and really crappy sleep. I have been trying to salinate my sinuses in a neti pot fashion, but may also buy these eucalyptus tablet things that you put in the shower and they create good vapor. Oooh, thai food might be a good idea too! Really spicy thai food.

Last night I got some texts from my baby brother who was at Red Robin in our hometown with friends where he saw my ex-boyfriend Jesus boy (who was given that nickname because of his very overt and sudden rebirth in Christianty as an evangelical but who know has grown a beard and hair to look like Jesus to play him in his ministry--weird, I know). Jesus boy was at some sort of bachelor party. My brother was weirded out, but he used to like Jesus boy a lot when we were dating and he was fun and not so serious about the god business. My brother kept texting me if he should go say hi, and I said he TOTALLY should just to talk to him to see how he was because this is fascinating to me. Although my brother seemed to get nothing interesting out of the conversation except that he says congratulations on my engagement and that my friends Sergio and Uriel say hello. Boring, not exciting. I will have to call brother to pump for better information.

Last night I got out of rehearsal and back down town in time to go to MORE a cupcake bakery down the street. Their motto is that if you can eat it or drink it they can make a cupcake version of it. My boss ordered their cupcakes for my birthday for the office and they were delicious. So belatedly for Sam's birthday I wanted to get him some birthday cupcakes. I got two Red Velvet ones and then two of the savory ones they get press for. We haven't tried the maple bacon one yet, but we did have the BLT flavored cupcake. It had like a white bread with bacon pieces in it cake (that was more cakey and sweet than white bread but obviously was inspired by) and they frosted it with like a ranch dip frosting and slices of cherry tomatoes. IT WAS AWESOME and crazy. Like the first bite you thought umm, no this is really strange and I cannot like this, but the second bite you went no wait, this is delicious and savory frosting is a brilliant idea and then you wolfed the rest down. We split it in half and loved every morsel.

Also yesterday (because well what didn't happen then), my cousin and her fiancee stopeed by on their cross country driving trek from Seattle to Boston where they both start grad school very soon (the fiancee at MIT and my cousin at Boston University). We let their cats stretch out in my apartment bathroom, let their car park for free on my street and I took them for Potbelly's sandwiches around the corner. It was great to see her, and I might have to make a trip to Boston!

Post cold drainage

It leaves me with the grossest morning feeling and just a pinch of congestion all day.  This leads to a general uncomfortableness.

 

Also my hours are probably going to be upped at work, which is kind of sucky and not.  Not sucky because I am paid hourly and if my hours go up I will get paid more but sucky because I like not having that many hours.  I like my afternoons and freedom and it is worth the drop in pay.  And if they go up it is likely I will start hunting for something else to do.  Just because I like this job a whole lot less for every hour over thirtyfive hours a week that it makes me do.

 

On the happy front, I got my engagement ring yesterday afternoon.  It is beautiful and very green and a lot more ring than I am used to wearing as well as freaking me out because it is a lot more possession than I am used to having.  I keep seeing me wearing all the possessions I have that would equal it on my finger which is bizarre.

 

Also Sam's mother, my sister, and my mother are all planning our wedding for us already.  I am not sure that is the best idea.  It is already stressing me out and I haven't planned anything yet.  We haven't set a date.  At the very least Sam and I are making it to his 90 days mark which is still a few months away.  I can't handle weddings.  Although his parents said they will pay the deposit for us to reserve our space, if we have it picked out in order to get things started because we will likely have to reserve it way in advance.

 

AUGHHHH!!!  My friend Heather (Yellow Heather) always advised me to elope with an orphan.  I already wish I had.

The Killers RULED

Seriously, Lollapalooza as mostly hot and I mean some of the stuff we heard was good but not good enough to override the fact that it was hot sticky crowded and smelly and then Chris and I went to the Killers. We got decently close and we danced the whole concert. Well, Chris danced a bunch of the concert. I did not stop dancing! I never ever did!! It was so fun and they were a great show. Brandon Flowers is a smidge pretentious and then they play a song that makes you leap up and down. It was great. Super fun. I may not ever go to Lolla again because I am not really a large outdoor concert festival kind of girl. But that concert was an awesome experience that was worth it.

Things I pondered today while on a bathroom break

I don't love my job. In my defense I am not sure what job I would love. Well I think I would love blogging and tweeting as a full time job and some people do that, but I think I too lazy to work my butt off how it should be to get my own blog in the state for that to happen, and I don't know how you get hired for that job otherwise. Like, where would I get that gig? But related to that I might see if I can work my way on to be a contributer to a few local blogs I read, but I bet I have to clean some stuff up to get there. Yes, Julie and Julia and Diablo Cody are leading me to the fantasy of my blog being discovered and me being somehow magically not doing my current job and doing something cooler. Ok, this was not what this post was supposed to be about. It was supposed to start like this:

I don't love my job, but I am kind of apathetic about working right now and think no one REALLY loves their jobs, like 5 people do, and I didn't win that lottery, instead I won the one where I have naturally curly red hair and tons of it, so I don't get to complain. But arguably, I do like the part where I get stuff ready for my boss and take care of him and get him all settled and calm, you know like a nanny or a mom or a 1950's housewife. WHAT? Yes, I said that. Would it then make more sense for me to start having some babies and be one?

Ladies and gentlemen I started to ponder this today.

Then I thought it all the way through and went, ummmmmm NO. Because here is the thing, I can quit this job. Or find a new one. I don't think that is really how it works with being a mom. I guess I could be a nanny, but I didn't really like that when I did it either. Anyway, the point is that popping out babies is not a good choice for me right now. AT ALL. And I weirdly pondered it as a solution to not really loving my job. So maybe I need another job. Or maybe this is really just post-vacation work dislike. I mean what work does anyone like when they come back from a week of vacation?

My cold is diminishing

Thank the good lord!  It is so nice to feel kind of clear.  After many days of feeling gooey and stuffy, I can mostly breathe again.

 

Last night I made chicken tacos and a peach tomato salad for dinner.  Both were very good!  The peach tomato salad was easy and from the New York Times.  Cut wedges of peaches and wedges of tomatoes add slivers of red onion, some red pepper flakes, cilantro, and dress with olive oil or lemon juice (I did olive oil).  It was soooo yummy and beautfiul and we have some left over for today for an after work snack.

 

I find myself checking my email compulsively to see if they sent me an email about picking up the ring.

 

I also still haven't told anyone at work.  Is that weird.  I just am not like close friends with any of them, and other than Patrick I would just feel weird if they got all excited.  Plus I feel stupid without the ring, and I have an intense desire to just show up one day with the ring and see who notices.  I mean, I am very happy and I want to marry Sam, but it feels so weird to tell people about the engagement.  Like I don't really need to announce it.  I have announced it to the people I want to announce it to and going further just seems weird.  Like digging for compliments.  Like saying you think you are really fat or really ugly around your best girlfriends who are never going to agree with you even if you weigh 900 pounds and are the elephant man.  I just have told all the people that i want to mean to tell.  Other people can or cannot find out and it is kind of immaterial.  I mean we haven't even started planning a wedding yet.  There is plenty of time.

 

 

Busy and Sick and Vacation is SOOOOO over

Yeah, so I am back at work.  Except not yesterday when I was curled up in a fetal position in bed in a pool of my own snot and drool because I was sick.  I still am sick, but not the immediate horrible sick of a bad head cold, the like after effect.  Augmented with medicine head.  Yeah.  Thank goodness for Tylonel cold night version that knocks me out and puts me to sleep.

 

Anyway, back in rehearsal.  Plus back at work, plus we have guests coming in for Lolla this weekend.  They get here tomorrow.  We are Lolla-ing it up on Sunday with the Killers.  It will be hot this weekend which is what I will want coming off a cold. 

 

So I am busy and sicky.  Although we have a Roku and I lurve it so much.  If you have fast internet and you netflix and you don't have an xbox 360, you should get one (your xbox 360 will do stream your videos too) and you will be in love and happy and watch movies forever.

I just got engaged!

Here are some of the details. I am still on vacation and didn't bring my laptop and the wifi I have found while out shopping about Vail has mostly sucked except at one bookstore where I twittered and facebooked the news very briefly.

Sam told me Friday that he had a secret, but that he couldn't tell me it until we got to Vail. I thought that was a dumb and weird but whatever I went along with it, we were 2 days from Vail. I didn't know what it could be, and I did think, "Oh God, he isn't going to propose or something?" and then I answered myself with an, "Oh no. There is no way he has been ring shopping lately," (because earlier that day he asked me to refresh him on what I do and do not like regarding an engagement ring--but he said he would need help from his mom or someone else).

Saturday night, we are in the hotel room in Denver, and I start to pester him about the secret, but he won't tell me because we aren't yet in Vail. Sunday night we are in Vail, and as we are getting in to bed to go to sleep, I pester him again, but he begs off until later in the week because he isn't quite ready. Monday night, we are in bed after a fairly late evening of playing Bridge with his brother and father, and I pester him again.

Now he starts to tell me that he was thinking he actually would probably wait until we got back to Chicago to tell me. At this point, I had no idea really of the secret, but I decided that was unfair to not tell me until Chicago. He had to tell me in Vail. I mean we still had several more days in Vail, BUT he better tell me. Then he tells me he will tell me if I promise not to tell anyone else until a week after we get back to Chicago. I agree to this. He gets out of bed in the dark, and I ask him what the heck is he doing. He gets something out of his suitcase and brings it around to me, where he turns on a bedside lamp, gets down on his knees next to the bed and pulls out the ring and asks me if I will marry him. I say yes. I am very stunned because I was not expecting this, but I kissed him and was very very happy!

Then I got to work on convincing him that we actually should tell people. He finally agrees and the next day (today) we tell his parents and his brother and then start calling my family and then I tweet it and then I blog it. Such is my life.

(Oh the ring--pictures later I promise--he picked it out himself by printing out what I wrote to him in the IM, taking it to Tiffany's and showing it to the person there. Then they brought him several rings and he picked it out from there. It is in a mostly platinum setting with a little bit of gold holding up the small rectangular emerald that is nestled between to triangular diamonds on either side. I love it! It is probably what I would have picked out if I had been there. He did awesome!)

Vacationing

I will be.  Starting tomorrow.  After I have to be in the office at nine am for carpet cleaning.  Which I mostly don't have to do.  All I have to do is make sure they are thorough and stay off the clean bits.

 

But tomorrow, I fly to Denver for my first time out of the airport.  Sam and I are overnighting in a hotel somewhere with his whole family.  Then we all drive to a house in Vail--a house that may be enormous and who knows how opulent but I am guessing at least pretty damn nice.  I will try to take pictures, but I have to remember to dump my camera onto my computer first.  I will not be taking my computer.  I will be taking my Kindle and the itouch.  We will get back a week from tomorrow.

 

Here is the agenda for the vacay (which I am so ready for as I am way caught up at work and bored and it is Friday):

A concert in Breckenridge

Some tennis--like some me kind of learning how to play with Sam's fam that plays a lot

Some hiking

Some laying around on a lounge chair out side and reading books

Memorizing all my lines for the next episode of the Ville where I really get running for office

 

The books that will be going with me to be read (noted with an asterisk when they are on the Kindle):

Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner*

Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage

Take the Cannoli by Sara Vowell

How to Be Single by Liz Tucillo

The Importance of Being Married by Gemma Townley

Dish: the Inside Story on the World of Gossip by Jeannette Walls

Harriet and Isabella by Patricia O'Brien

A bunch of trashy romances something like 20 of them by various authors*

Script for season 3 episode 5 of the Ville*

 

Also going, David Sedaris recording of If You Are Engulfed in Flames

 

 

Biggest bummer about the Kindle, still have to get physical library books in order to curb ridiculous spending habits that would ensue if gave persmission to self to just download a library full to the Kindle.

 

 

 

I sound like a nutjob on my favorite radio show

I do. They put me on their episode for July 21, 2009 in the last 10 minutes of their final hour of show, and I sound like a nutjob. It was an obsessive fan letter about how their "bad" radio segments are not good by the traditional definition or expectation of radio but that is actually what makes them good.

I was about to launch into a recitation of the letter again here, but I sound like a pretentious idiot. Well maybe not. I just was very exuberant about it. Because they do crazy stuff that isn't so great for the audio listener perspective, but what they give us as it happens is what makes it totally awesome-the sheer weirdness of it.

BUT in hearing them read my email aloud in its entirety, I sound like a freak when I write. I think I use bigger weirder words or am more prone to it when I write and I so did in that email. The real question for the blog is are my writings more pretentiously worded than my talkings? This is a serious question if I start really working on my storytelling-y things, you know soon or like ever.

If you want to hear my lovely letter read live on air go to here and either click on the 9:00 to 10:00 hour for the 21st of July or use that date to find that hour. I am in about the last ten mintues of that hour.

Elton John and Billy Joel

It was awesome.  It did not rain.  It was also very different from regular concerts, in part I think because they had such different performing styles.

 

First they played together a set of songs, and it was kind of cool to hear the other interpret the vocals of their friends song. 

 

Then Elton had a set.  Sir Elton does not talk, he plays.  He does not set up songs, he doesn't tell stories about them, he doesn't say that it is one of his favorites, he just sings.  At MOST he will mention the album that the song came off of.  Instead he relys on the songs to do the entertaining, well the songs and the stellar musical performance of himself and his band (some of which seem to have been with him for many, many years), and it works.  This shouldn't be surprising because the man has a lot of hits, so he can play a small subset of them and not even leave the realm of MEGA-hit.  He is an amazing pianist and it is super cool to here 15,000 plus people sing Tiny Dancer.

 

Then Billy had a set.  He talks.  He talks a lot.  He has a lot of schtick.  He had a flyswatter which he enjoyed waving at imaginery flies.  He had jokes.  He made sort of sad jokes and references to his current divorce.  It made me a little sad for him.  His talking and schtick seemed to be a way for him to get more into his playing.  His piano theatrics are awesome, and I really love a lot of his songs.  And some of the songs I love are more fun live, like "Angry Young Man" mostly because the piano theatrics are able to be indulged live in a way they couldn't be on a studio.

 

Then they played together, and that was wonderful!  In their final set together they indulged in a lot more dueling piano business.  Both men are great musicians and it was very exciting to see this.

 

I think that I enjoyed Billy more, and I think it was because although both men deviated in the live act from the studio versions of their song, Billy did it in a big, big way that worked very well in a large open air stadium venue whereas Elton did it in a quieter, more musically complicated way that would've lent itself better to the kind of performing space where the sound and acoustics could be more carefully controlled (smaller, indoor places that are concert halls and maybe not sports arenas).  I actually think he would be incredible to see in like a little cabaret venue or you know hanging out around his grand piano at his house.  I'll let you know when he invties me over for that.

 

The weirdness of my Idaho life

So there is a kid from Idaho who was captured by the Taliban, and of course because this always happens to me, my friend Jared knows him.  They used to work together.  But when I heard where Bowe Bergdahl was from and how old he was I knew that there was a ridiculously good chance that Jared would know him.  They are from in and around Hailey, Idaho a small town in the Southern part of the state.  The really lovely part where Hollywood stars and rich people live, where Bruce Willis has his home.  I really hope that we get him home safe and soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a totally unrelated side note on Friday I ran into Chris and Sara waiting to go to a movie when I popped into the theatre to pick up pre-purchased tickets.  A few minutes before I ran into a fellow tri-citian and Vandal who now lives in Minneapolis on the street.  She is a youth leader there and was here with her students for a service project.  Because (vaguely related) this stuff always happens to me.

And on and on

I have been a very good little worker at work of late.  This is not to say that I ever let myself be a really bad little worker at work, but I haven't been the best this winter/spring as I was dealing with the distractions of my personal life (which at times seemed more like my personal hell).  I have accomplished things in a very timely manner and quite well.  Last week I even got out way ahead of myself (which was weird), so my vaction of all next week shouldn't hurt so bad.

 

However, the personal life that had seemed like it was fixing itself up, has hit a bump in the road.  Sam fell off the wagon twice in the last week.  Last Tuesday he got kind of stressed out about a friend and decided that half a bottle of vodka would make him feel better, and it did for a while until he realized how it would make me feel.  Instead of letting him head out and drink more, I asked him to stay in and talk to me and to stop drinking with what he had.  And we stayed up late and I listened to him prattle on with all the excuses his disease would give me to get me to play along nicely.  I simply pointed out that I disagreed with the babble his disease spouted and kept him talking and not drinking until he could fall asleep. 

 

This weekend he was oddly sleepy.  We went to bed kind of early Friday night (well for a Friday) around 11 and slept way in.  Then he was busy all Saturday making a stew for a couple of friends we had over for dinner, and we went to bed early again at like 10 and we slept in until 10.  Then he napped after we went over to clean my apartment because my roommate returns tonight, and I wanted to make sure the house was left in good order.  I tried not to let him nap too long because I knew he would never go back to sleep and that is a terrible way for him to start the week (especially a week when we are picking my roommate up at the airport late tonight and then going to the Elton John and Billy Joel concet tomorrow), but he couldn't fall asleep.  I however could since I had not been napping as much as he had all weekend (being wrapped up in a few novels).  Since I was there sound asleep and he couldn't sleep, he remembered some Sake he had noticed in our fridge a few days ago.  It must have been very old sake, and it angered me to find he hadn't mentioned it to me earlier, but he is an alcoholic and I would wager that he is at best in the early stages of recovery.  So he drank the entire bottle (he says it was a little bottle) in order to help him go right to sleep (he says).  And I slept through all of this.  I awoke when he was fully dressed and about to leave the house to go out to his favorite piano bar, and I knew immediately that something was wrong.  I asked him what was going on?  Where had he been?  What was he doing?  I got out of them that he hadn't been anywhere. . .yet and then asked him if he had been drinking, and he admitted he had.  It was a little past two in the morning.  I asked him not to leave, and he didn't.  I realized he hadn't gone to the Sunday meeting he had decided he would start attending, I guess he had slept through it.  I spent the next two hours awake. . . just hanging out with drunk, unsleepy, alcoholic who is my partner.  We talked a little, I listened a lot.

 

We especially talked about 90 meetings in 90 days which is a program that alcoholics are encouraged to do when they first give up drinking.  He wasn't going to do it when he gave up drinking at the end of May beginning of June because he wasn't sure he needed AA.  Then he wasn't going to do it when I nearly broke up with him right before my birthday because he was doing AA, and his therapist said that it was probably alright not to start it if he didn't fall off the wagon, but if he did, he would have to do it.  I asked him about it last night.  He says he will start it, but he can't start it until we get back from Colorado.  Basically because he cannot tell his parents he is an alcoholic.  I have encouraged him to tell them because I think they will end up being a bigger asset than he thinks, but I also understand his fear.  I do however think he won't ever get truly recovered until he can tell them about it honestly.  He doesn't want to tell them about it until he has been on the path to cure for a while, like after he has finished a 90 meetings in 90 days course.  I sort of dropped my course of arguing then.  He isn't going to do what I want of him.  When we return from Colorado, then I will see what happens.  Hopefully that will entail him starting 90 meetings in 90 days.

 

It is very interesting how I feel like I deal with this now.  My reaction is kind of clinical.  I feel like a nurse.  Well, not in the moment exactly.  I cry because this is heart-wrenching, but I also sort of pull my chin up and set to work and do what needs to be done, like staying up late with a drunk alcoholic.  And in reflection, my experience of it becomes sort of matter of fact and sterile.  I guess it has to be to put one foot in front of the other and move along.

Life Goes On

I feel like I am bad at using my free time.  I come up with all sorts of projects and activities, but as soon as I get into the apartment, they are pushed aside by what is on the Tivo.  I have been empowering myself to delete things from the Tivo that I am not going to watch.  Those three episodes of Mythbusters that are mostly if not all reruns, they can get deleted.  It is fine.  They won't last until the weekend when I should be enjoying the lovely weather and not watching them, or I should at least leave them unwatched until they get deleted by newer shows.  If it rains this weekend I can curl up with them, but I don't have to.

 

I made a big pasta salad last night, but I am not satisfied with the dressing.  I cheat and buy dressing premade for it, but the one I bought was not the one I thought it was, and it was missing some of the flavor.  Quite frankly the best pasta salad dressing I have ever found is The Olive Garden's house Italian dressing.  I am not a huge fan of The OG since I have discovered neighborhood Italian joints that blow it away (I am looking at you Rose Angelis and your gnocchi with apricots and prosciutto and Gorgonzola cream sauce and your demilune spinach ravioli with pine nuts, sun dried tomatoes and brown butter sauce--heavenly gigantic bowls of YUM), but lets face it the draw there has always been the bread sticks which may well be made of crack and their Italian dressing for their salads which is probably the best thing they actually make.

 

My cat is probably a two litter box cat, and so we begin that process this week.  Since he has been protesting pooing where he pees and he has a history of deciding those things must not go together (although before that meant he used the litter to poo and the toilet to pee), we decided to just go along although Sam's place is awfully teen for two litter boxes.

 

Also I am starting my own personal campaign of being unashamed of what I like even if it is dumb stuff that I ought not to like, such as the music of Nickleback (which I actually don't like but I think that we can all universally agree that no one ought to like them and perhaps should be ashamed if they do).  Like chick lit and rom coms.  I love them.  I do.  I mean like all genres their are good and bad and better and worse specimens and I don't give them all a universal pass.  I bought 27 dresses about a month and a half ago and have watched it 10 times since then.  It makes me happy.  Not every movie needs to challenge every neuron in my brain, some of them can just make me happy.  It isn't incredibly deep, but it uses Shakespearean devices to twist its plot, and if some of its plot devices are obvious or trite or not so realistic, well I am fine with that as all I ask of my escapism is to help me escape my reality.  I don't need slavery to realism because well real life is what I am trying to avoid when I watch this stuff.  My reality is harder and more complicated than a rom com, and I am fine if the rom com wanted to airbrush that stuff out.  That is what I want it to do.  And I get really sick of boys being all down on it.  I am sorry this genre isn't aimed at you, you are not its target demographic.  Of course some of you will like it, just like some girls like action-y or war-y pictures that they are not the target demographic for and of course quality comes in here, the higher quality the story and its story telling the higher likelihood to rise above the target demographic.  And boys are the target demographic for like everything practically, so give me something.  Plus I would like to ask if all their targeted stories are slavish to reality (like the laws of physics and the fact that bad guys are way worse shots than good guys the end).

 

OK, rant over.  BUT I say we all start today not being ashamed of the cheesy pop songs and silly genre movies we secretly love.  I am not asking you to go proclaim it on a street corner, I am asking you to defend your crush when others talk it smack.  Go.  That is your mission should you choose to accept it and this blog will not self destruct in fifteen seconds, it will likely take much longer.

I hate that my boyfriend smokes

I hate it. For a variety of reasons. I have tried not to be a jerk about it though because he is a grown up and gets to call the shots in his own life--that is how I would like to be treated so that is how I will treat him.

I was very tolerant of it when it was one or two cigarettes while we were out late at a bar maybe once or twice a month. Fine, whatever, I can handle that. Plus the bars here are smoke free, so he had to go outside away from me. Fine. But it is many more now, approaching a half a pack a day, and I don't like it. Especially as he has taken to smoking inside.

I hate it because it bothers my sensitive eyes that if not actually allergic to smoke are very sensitive to dryness and irritation.

I hate it for all the regular reasons of it smelling bad and tasting bad and just being kind of gross and icky.

I hate it because the fact that he totally ignores the fact that I hate it seems so flippant and kind of rude. I mean, seriously, just take it outside dude. And for the love of God at least brush your freaking teeth after you get done.

I hate it because my towel in the bathroom smells of it, as does the cloth shower curtain, and I fear the scent will waft further to my pillow and the sheets and my clothes and the couch.

I hate it because I fear he is using this addiction to cure his other addiction which seems awfully counterproductive and just a postponement of dealing with the actual problem rather than getting down to the business of solving the problem.

I hate it because it feels like a lie or a trick. I didn't start dating a smoker. I dated a non-smoker who turned out to really be a very rare social smoker who is fast becoming a serious smoker with a habit. This feels very unfair especially since I am working through many other things I hadn't bargained for (although granted so is he), the least he could do is work at quitting.

I hate it because he is always quitting in the same way the stupid cartoon character Cathy is always about to start a diet tomorrow. And I now even hate the lie that he is quitting. I am sorry but you are or you aren't. It isn't a complicated difference and at this point intentions-schmententions.

I just hate it. I hate it I hate it.

I. Hate. It.

Stuff on my Mind

I am tired from my trip.  And CRANKY.  Mostly at work people, for being dumb.  Not major dumb, just you know needy and worky and I didn't miss that when I was gone.

 

I am however very excited about going to St. Louis.  It should be awesome.  My undergrad friends are having a do it ourself reunion of sorts and Sam and I will drive down on Friday and back up on Monday.

 

I am also a big fan of my library even if my Kindle isn't.  I also added the due dates of my library books into my calendar, so that I can be sure not to have overdue fines that are more expensive than just buying the freaking book.

 

I want to write a bigger blog about the wedding, but just thinking about it exhausts me, so I might not get there.

 

I want to go to a movie, or watch movies for like a whole day, just as a recovery sort of thing.

 

I am hungry and need to go to lunch.

 

I thought I had cooler things to say but NO.  Sorry.  I got boring all of a sudden.

Brother Wedding Brief Update

So, I left last Wednesday for my brother's wedding this past Saturday and spent A LOT of time with A LOT of family and friends, and I mean A LOT!!!!!

It was wonderful and kind of a giant mess all at once (it can happen with weddings) and I am exhausted. I will update more later maybe tomorrow once flying is done.

Birthday Cupcakes

My boss just sent me cupcakes for my birthday.  I am sure he ordered them on Friday before he left on vacation when he realized that no one had done anything for my birthday at the office while I do all the birthday planning, but I feel this in no way diminishes how tasty and awesome they are.  They are from a bakery called More Cupcakes and they are totally delicious (and more frosting than cake).

Birthday post: 30

So I am 30. For sure. So far it feels exactly like 29.

Last night's birthday extravaganza was awesome! Seriously wonderful food at Graham Elliot which included a couple of dishes that I wanted to keep on my tongue forever they were so incredible (Kung Pao Sweetbreads with sesame sauce and chili sauce and peanut brittle which tasted in credible no matter how scary it sounds and the dessert of Darjeeling panna cotta with lychee and raspberry yummies and sunflower seed shortbread ooh and ginger sorbet)! Sally and David go eat here once you live here, well worth the train downtown. They even put a candle on the dessert plate. Very sweet.

The limo was great and no vomiting. Everyone had a great time talking and laughing. We got to Navy Pier with just enough time to get on the boat which was a speedboat which added to the sparse rain meant face massage by raindrops. It was crazy and so ridiculous that it made it a better time than if we would've had lovely weather, and then there were fireworks right in front of us and the skyline off to our left. It was beautiful and exactly what anyone could hope it to be. Then we walked back to Sam's along the lake for some snacks and some camaraderie (and we stayed up late all discussing possible end of the world disasters and we discovered that Jared knows big geology words because his dad is a geologist).

Today I was almost too pooped to do anything, so there was much napping and watching of tivo'd stuff. Oh and reading. . . on my new Kindle!!! Which I love! I haven't put too much onto it yet being a little short of cash, but I put the free books Sally recommended, plus every free book I could find that seemed appealing to me including a crap ton of trashy cheapo romance novels. Yeah, that's right, and the best part is that no one will ever have to know I am reading them on the El anymore. I also downloaded the Kindle app for the iphone to my iphone touch, so that I can put book I am currently reading on them and read that if I leave the kindle behind.

Funny story, my mom was on a teacher trip for most of the last week and one of the women on the trip had a Kindle. My mother had never heard of one until that moment, and she saw it and thought, oh my God Heather would love this soooo much I should call Sam and tell him because it would be the perfect birthday present. So when I told her that he got it for me, she screamed. Hilarious.

Dude, I saw my wrapped present!

It is wrapped in Amazon wrapping and there is basically no way it is not a Kindle! I AM SO EXCITED! This will be so dangerous because this book can just get other books in it from the air! Well with the help of a credit card. My current worry is how to fill it before said trip.

Ummm, also it is soooooo hot here and my house is sooooooo not air conditioned that I am staying at Sam's for the duration of this feels like over 90 degree weather that doesn't cool off enough overnight to cool places down inside. It just is too hot. Last night was my first night at his place and it is sooooo nice to be able to sleep in a coolness rather than having to take a cold shower and go to bed still damp so that you are cool enough to sleep as long as the ceiling fan is hitting you and making the still dampness feel like actual cool.

Also, taking cat to vet tomorrow, so that should be awesome because he is an angry angry kitty when we go there, but he has been vomiting lately and we want him to be ok before we leave.

Holy 30th Birthday

It is upon me.  Like really, really upon me.  Like Sunday.  And I had some good things planned and then thought I would fill the rest with Pride and then head home for the family wedding which would include some birthday for me as well, and then Sam got excited.  I also think he is probably trying to atone a bit. 

 

By the way, sidebar--he has attended his first AA meeting and it seems to have made a very strong impact on him and he plans to keep going to that specific one and maybe add another one or two to his weekly rounds at first.  He sounds very different in how he speaks about this now, like a switch went from kinda get it, to oh shit i get it in his brain.  I am still letting this progress to see what really happens and taking it day by day, but I feel calmly optimistic about this.

 

So, next tuesday is the BNL concert in Grant Park with Taste of Chicago.  Sunday is the Pride Parade (which has absolutely nothing to do with my birthday but it will be a fun party where many of my friends will be out and about for) and a wind down from Pride event at friends' house that will likely have some sort of dessert confection with candles on it.  BUT Saturday night is where things get a little out of control (and totally awesome).

 

Sam and I will be picked up by a limo and driven to dinner (totally walking distance from his house but whatever) at Graham Elliot a restaurant by a James Beard nominee (and maybe winner) who was on last week's Top Chef Masters, Graham Elliot Bowles.  Bring it on molecular gastronomy!  Then we get back into limo and drive around Chicago to pick up a select few friends (sorry other friends but I just couldn't take everyone).  The last friends are way up North, so we drive down Lake Shore Drive (with champagne and sparkling grape juice) to Navy Pier where we get on a boat to take a boat tour/ride.  Oh yeah, we get on that boat in time to watch the fireworks that happen every Wednesday and Saturday night during the summer from Lake Michigan over the city skyline.  WHAT? 

 

There is no way this won't be totally awesome!!  And way too extravangant, but Sam keeps telling me I only turn 30 once.

A very informal and unscientific poll

So, going to the wedding quite soon.  It will involve two long plane flights and two long drives and likely some serious airport time.  I will bring my itouch, but I am contemplating bringing my laptop and air card along.

 

Pros: Can watch movies streamed off netflix in airport, in car, even hanging out if applicable (likely not I know), Can read ebooks from library and check out new ebooks from library (this is why I want a Kindle), Can blog and check email super easy, Can upload pics easy

 

Cons: Carrying a laptop everywhere, maybe unecessary as Sam will have his (with aircard), Sam's has netflix on it too (but he works and won't just let me watch what I want), Will likely also be carrying real books

 

 

What say you faithful readers, bring it or leave it?

 

Now I hurt my F -ing finger!

Because when I tried to open a window it came right back on down closed but with enough time for me to stick my hand under it, and then there was blood and some swelling mitigated by ice lots of ice. And it is possibly hotter than actual hell here in my apartment right now because of course my boyfriend picks the first freaking heat of the summer to be a disaster and keep me far the fuck away from his air conditioning.

Hand is better, but will be stiff and probably bad looking for a few weeks. Window still not open. Mani/Pedi postponed since finger seemed a bad choice for that until it gets a little more healed. Apartment still hot but not as hot as it will be tomorrow. Waiting for Sam to finish his meeting.

Watching an old show

I started watching Homicide Life on the Street last night.  It is based on a book by the guy who made The Wire which is really genius brilliant television if you watch it long enough to let it into you.  Homicide is really good too, although I guess this changes midway through its whole life as it became too much regular tv, but I like it right now.

 

Sam relapsed again.  I told him I don't want to speak to him and will not speak to him until he has started AA.  He left me a voicemail while drunk, so I didn't speak to him this morning, I left him a voicemail and sent him an email saying that I am done talking to him.  I imagine he hasn't gotten that yet because he is still sleeping it off.  I am pissed off and exhausted by all this.  I met my breaking point, so I will stay strong on this.  I am looking into Al-Anon and listening to some podcasts. 

Mostly I just want to ease that other post on down the road

Had an interesting weekend.  On Friday, we got caught in a downpour or a deluge on the way to friends' Shakespeare show and was so soaked we couldn't (Sam and I) very well go to the show anymore.  Literally we were wet through, my bra was drenched, we were dripping, the only possible way we could've gotten more wet was to go swimming.  So, we headed home and had a quiet night (where I learned how to download ebooks for free from the library (you only get to keep them for 21 days, but they have audiobooks you can get that way too).

 

Saturday was a lazy day at home until Sam brought delicious food over for dinner and another friend joined us.  Then we went to see the 500 Clown's latest production loosely taken from Brecht's Man is Man into a sort of crazy cabaret type thing.  It was awesome and great fun.  I will probably try to grab another showing of it before it closes (which means sometime my birthday weekend).

 

Then yesterday I was even more lazy before heading over to Sam's for a dinner he made and we had some friends over for that too.

 

Unfortunately, Sam had another relapse this weekend.  He seems to have bounced back from it, but he still went out and had a party night Saturday after the show.  I could tell he wasn't feeling himself at the show, and he intended to go home and sleep but when he got home there was a work emergency involving the Seattle Mariners and the Jonas Brothers (different events).  It stressed him out, so he decided he should go out to a piano bar and drink until 5am.  Then he texted me about it.

 

I let him know my displeasure about it, and the fact that his one night relapses seem to be forming a new pattern within his "not drinking" that makes me crazy and makes me fear he isn't getting as better as he thinks he is.  I also let him know this is a major reason why I think he should try AA, so he would have a person to call when shit starts pulling him the wrong direction.  Instead of having to call me or his friend who barely ever drinks or someone who doesn't really understand the complications of addiction because they haven't really had to fight it.

 

Mostly at this point it freaks me out because I was sure he would get things figured out enough that I could move in by the time my lease is up at the end of August (or mid-August if Azar gets a school roommate).  And right now, I am not sure he will.  And I don't know what I am going to do then.  I mean I can find myself an apartment or a sublet or somewhere to crash.  I have done it before.  I'm a grown up, but I sure haven't planned for it.  And moving to my own place, well it just isn't what I had hoped for or wanted.  That is the bottom line.  I don't want it.  It sucks.

Post-mortem: A friendship

Once upon a time I had a best friend. We met in college and seemed to have an affinity for eachother that drew us together. Eventually we took classes together, acted together, worked together in the costume shop, and even lived together for a while. Then I graduated, but thanks to emails and cell phones we stayed in touch. She came to visit me in Washington, and I went to visit her after she graduated and moved to Chicago.

We were a bit distant, but things were good. Even though we might go a long time in between catching up, we still caught up, and that was the important part. Yes I am sure there were ebbs and flows in our catching up as I fell for this deity nicknamed boyfriend and was ecstatic or as she struggled with the jealousies of her long term boyfriend, as said deity boy dumped me to be closer to his deity and as her relationship eventually splintered under its own baggage and the allure of the world outside of it. When one of us needed more support or when one of us needed someone to celebrate with, the other was there at the end of the phone line.

Then I went to grad school and her relationship ripped itself apart. I was not able to be as available to her as I had before because I was in grad school. I had class, I had rehearsals, I had to memorize lines, I had to do homework, I just had a life that suddenly became full.

She got out of a bad for her relationship, and she got into one with her current husband. I would tell you more about how that worked, except that I don't really have a good recollection of it. I also probably was not as excited as I was expected to be when she told me she was engaged because it seemed like such a quick jump from one relationship to a marriage in another. But I was happy for her, and she asked me to be in the wedding. I had to say no though because I couldn't get there. I was a broke ass college student. Plus I was in summer rep and couldn't get permission to leave in advance, but I had to do the rep that summer in order to get my student loan money which was paying for my life (and getting me able to move away) and enough credits to graduate. In the end I found out about a week before that I could've made it out there, but by that point there was no earthly way I could afford to pay for it.

Apparently this was a MAJOR sin on my part. I still feel there really was no good choice for me there. Yes I did make the choice that was more selfish. I chose to eat all summer, to graduate from my master's program, and to make it possible to move away right away instead of a weekend at a wedding of my best friend (at the time) to someone I had never met. I don't think she ever understood or forgave me for that choice.

Then I moved into the same town as her, and didn't see her for two months. She didn't come help me move or welcome me to town. Our relationship got better about 6 months after I moved there when she fixed me up with a coworker of hers. For the three months we were together, she hung out with me a lot. She called, we did stuff, there was double dating, it was great, like back when we had been in school together.

And then I got dumped, and I freaked out in that dumping. There was a lot of tears, and I soooo freaked him out, and I initially took it a lot harder than I should of. But she wasn't very there for me in my tears and my pain, and I think I was fairly understanding of that. I mean, she was stuck in the middle of that break up, and that is a sucky place to be, so I tried to pour my vitriol out to others and be a little more chill (if not totally fine) to her.

After about a month or so I snapped out of that break up and came back to life. But it seems that I had dropped out of her life. She never managed to find room in her life for me again. We would go months without seeing eachother, even longer than our conflicting schedules would suggest. I would find my way out to her shows and performances, but she wouldn't find her way to mine. Her calls would get less and less, my emails would go unanswered. I would only get emails from her when her theatre company wanted my money or support. I started dating Sam, and I really wanted her to meet him. She ditched late on a double date night arranged like 6 months into our relationship.

She still has never met him. She hasn't returned a call from me in over a year, or sent me an email, or messaged me on facebook or myspace (well she still hasn't accepted me as a friend on facebook). I guess we are broken up. I mean. . . yeah, I guess we are broken up. What else would it be? The people who I call my friends at least try to keep up with me, they inquire as to what I am doing, they come see me, they speak to me. Hell I have enemies that are currently better friends to me than she is. I mean at least they are interested in what I am doing.

For a long time I tortured myself about this. I beat myself up for missing her wedding. I tried to figure out what I could have done to offend her. I tried to think of ways that I could make it back up to her, but none of my overtures were accepted. It made me really sad. It hurt. I blamed myself.

I do not anymore. At this point, I have to accept that it takes two people to hold up a friendship and she has not held up her end in a long time. I am letting this go. We had a great friendship even if it seems it was never meant to be a lasting one. And I have come to a point where I need to stop kicking myself for this because at this point the end of our friendship is on her and not me because she is the one who stopped trying and stopped participating. So that is what this blog post is, closure. Closure on this part of my life.

Or maybe her coworker somehow won her in the break-up?

A couple times a summer

WARNING:  If you do not like gore or blood do NOT read on.

 

 

 

I totally slice myself open with a brand new razor while shaving in the shower, and this morning I did it the worst I have done it in six or seven years.  This meant the shower looked like we had been filming psycho in it.  Seriously about a one inch gash in my thigh that would not stop bleeding.  Pile of blood stained tissue in the trash.  It looks like I was performing bad battlefield surgery on the toilet seat.  And the worst part is, it wasn't from a particularly bad shave.  It was from when I went to rinse the blade in the stream of water from the shower and just drug it across my thigh.  OUCH!  I would advise against that.

 

Seriously I had to use band-aids (two of them) to cover it to go to work because the boo boo brushing up against my skirt was killing me!!!

 

 

Musings

On the fashion front I would like to add these little summer short/jumper combo things to stuff I really hate. If you are older than 6, you should not wear them because they do not look as cute as you think.

I am obsessed by this song called "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked" by Ida Maria (who is norwegian or something). Go here to hear it.

I want to write a big long thing in the next few days but who knows if I will get to it. A post about the end (I guess) of a friendship that I thought would always last (if you are reading this, it ain't about you).

I need a haircut REAL bad! Hopefully I will get in to get one today or Thursday.

I have decided that the lotion that gradually gives you color is my solution to looking pasty at the wedding.

Things I need for the wedding trip: some cute long slim shorts for the rehearsal dinner (so I don't have to wear a skirt and can play volleyball which will happen because it is a family outing, I can wear a skirt to the rehearsal if I have to) and what I term a "full torso sucker-inner" by which I mean something made of a lot of lycra and spandex that smashes all my jiggly bits in and smoothes me out, so it looks like I have lost a few pounds, but I sincerely doubt it will make me look like I have lost 30 pounds, so it isn't going to work as well as I want.

This whole staying at my house instead of Sam's thing got really lonely when my roommate left for the West coast on Saturday.

Also, I sent out my birthday party invites. I didn't invite people I didn't expect to make it to Chicago on a Tuesday night, but if anyone here wants the evite, I will send it to them. My 30th will be celebrated with a free BareNaked Ladies concert during Taste of Chicago but they won't know it is my birthday.

WaMu Chase sucks my balls

Or it would if I had them.

 

A few weeks ago, I realized that I never got a new Chase debit/check card when all the correspondance from the WaMu becoming Chase told me I would, and I was worried that all of suddden my debit card would stop working.  So I go into a WaMu branch to ask them to order me one (that seemed correct as I was a WaMu customer originally), but they can't do that, they in fact can barely find my account.  They then tell me that because my account was opened in Washington and is still routed to Washington state WaMu which has now fully transitioned to Chase (they are doing state by state transitioning), they cannot request that for me.  In fact about all they can do for me is what an ATM can do for me.  Which is fine 90% of the time but not fine when any minute now (you don't know when) your ATM card could get shut off.  Oh yes, your ATM/Checking card that you use for practically everything!!!!  But apparently I can "try" online or certainly go into a Chase bank and get things situated.

 

Alright fine.  At this point I am not too miffed, I though that might be the case.  So I go to a Chase bank (actually I go twice because the first time I had forgotten to put my ID back in my wallet, totally my fault not theirs no biggy whatever).  When I go into a Chase here in IL, they conceded that my acocunt has basically become Chase, but not really, and they cannot see it in their computer systems, so basically here in Illinois they can't help me--although guy who was there when I didn't have my ID was totally willing to try to help me.  So thanks for that Chase branch on the corner of Adams and Wabash.

 

So, I go down to Washington Mutual down the street where they can at least process my deposit but can only kind of give me the cash back I want.  Ok, it was a lot of cash back as I was restocking petty cash for work, but I have plenty to cover that in my account already AND I was putting even more money in (which will all have extra holds because they don't recognize me totally as a WaMu/Chase customer but as some fake not quite Chase customer).  Which I think is a totally crappy way for these banks to treat me for something that is their FAULT anyway.  I didn't fail, WaMu did, and I have been a prefectly decent customer over the years.  Not exemplary but perfectly fine.

 

Anyway, I got what I needed for today, but at this point it seems unlikely that anyplace here in Illinois will be able to get me a new debit card before my debit card gets shut off, thanks for that!  However, if I go to the bank while I am back in Washington, they should be able to help me get a new check/debit/bank card, but lord knows if they will be able to mail it to me.  Woo hoo!  This has been so fun.  But I tweeted @chasebank about it, and hopefully they will try to help me.  Dbags!

lovely surprise

Sally of Sallyacious.com is in town getting an apartment in preparation to move, and she brought me my birthday present early (AND SHE MADE IT) and it is AMAZING!!!!  It is so lovely.  As soon as I find my camera I will post shots of it here.  But it is awesome, and I am so happy.

 

More on that once there is visuals though.

Sam wants to go back to college

He wants to get an MS in product development which sounds very engineer-y mostly I guess because it is.  I think this will be good for him.  I think that it will open up a new world for him in his job, which will I hope keep him happy for a very long time.  It will also open up opportunities that would lead to other jobs if he wanted them in the future.  He also would be able to get this degree while working full time.  So, we will have a lonely kitty in the months when I am in rehearsals.

 

I think this is very good for him, and I like that it will give him a focus.  In other news the restaurant/bar where he played piano on Sundays and found many of his drinking buddies has closed.  So no more piano for him although he is looking to see if this active seniors retirement community in the neighborhood would be interested in having him play and he might do mornings there bright and early.  He played at this place on Mother's Day and they loved him.  We used to know the director of dining services, but our friend moved on to another job in Phoenix.  I am sad for the people we know who worked at that restaurant, but I am not sad that Sam's main drinking haunt has been shuttered.

Awesome Discovery!

Yesterday I realized that I am (technically) "gay for pay."  Yes I am, thank you the Ville.  I mean I put technically there because I am not in porn.  I am just in a play where I pretend to be gay although I have pretended to do the business with a girl on stage, so there you go.  This post just got awkward and uncomfortable and all I meant was for it to be funny.  I am sorry.

Paintball hurts

I have welts.  Some of them look awful but only hurt moderately, others look barely existant but hurt like f ing hell!  But paintball was way fun!  Lots of running around and I don't really shoot that many of my bullets.  I conserve and shoot when I think I have a good clear shot.  Plus I tend to let others do the military like stategizing and I follow their instructions because I don't really know what I am doing.  But I will definitely go again in the fall when we set it back up.

Solution to my craptastic day?

Is Henry Rollins the solution?  He might be.  Listening to some spoken word by him.  Sigh.  Also I just discovered that my roommate met him.  She saw him in NYC with Jeanane Garofalo and Mark Maron, and he spoke about his visit to Iran and how nice and smart and not at all like he was led to expect the people were there.  This made her sob like a baby (her parents are Iranian who left around the time the Ayatollahs happened--I could be mistaken on some of that) because so few Americans realize that.  So she talked to Mark Maron after the show and asked him to relay her thanks to Henry, and instead he went and got him and Henry talked to her for about 20 minutes.  I am so jealous.  She confirms he is super hot in person too.  (Insert Sally shaking her head and disagreeing here--she doesn't get what I see in him.)

Thoughts about turning my own relationship sort of upside down and shaking it by one leg

I feel like I am punishing myself.  But that is not how I feel.  My thoughts on what I have done to my own relationship which I know was vitally necessary, vitally, vitally necessary like it was on a path to totally wither and die in a horrendous horrendous way a year or two down the line and this sort of upturning was what it needed IF it was going to survive (which at this point I am pretty confident it is).  I mean I get that.  I also get that it was less than two weeks ago, so nothing is really changed now, but I keep having to remind myself of that.

 

This is so jumbled.  And I don't know how to untangle my thoughts and my emotions here, and I think that writing them here is better than vomiting them all on Sam because he feels like he ought to have a cure or a fix for them and then he feels like he caused them and not drinking is really a hard enough big deal for him to focus on. So I am going to ramble here instead. 

 

The great news is that he isn't drinking and has been filling his life with projects that have languished around his apartment like pictures that need hung and learning new songs on the piano.  He also bought a printer/scanner/copier that he used to make his own personal fake book with the best sheets for every song that he knows from his many fake books, so he just brings a binder instead of a bag full of music.  He looks better, he seems to be feeling better, and I think he is on the right track.  I worry that he hasn't yet reached out to get a support net outside of himself, but it is still early on and he takes some time to psych himself into taking big scary steps.  I am so glad that he is getting better.

 

I hate that I can't be with him while he does this, even though I think that the space he is getting is important to him getting better, but it is just a total bummer.  Like tonight, I am wiped and just want to go home and chill and cuddle.  But since plan is in effect, I am going home to my house.  Sam has to stay late at work and will not be coming over.  So I can go home and I can chill, but as for cuddling there is no cat no boyfriend.  I get what a pillow?  A cell phone?  Not the same dudes.  Not the same.  And I have my stuff (my good stuff) all split in two places.  Which is a weird way to live.  It is kind of living out of a hotel room that you are in long enough to put stuff in the drawers but not long enough that you have all your stuff.  And I am kind of an asshole, so I resent that he still gets to be with all his stuff.  He gets to cuddle with the cat.  He didn't have to be uprooted.  He still gets cable and tivo.  And these are totally stupid things to resent.

 

In fact I think that I just resent this situation.  I resent that this had to happen.  Really it isn't even resentment, it is just the way I funnel how upset I am about this.  I don't know.  It is a big pain, and I don't like it, and I would just freaking move back in if I didn't still think this is an important thing for him to have right now until he really has a good track record of being healthy and having his stuff in order.  I just don't like it.  I don't like it and it makes me unhappy.  And I feel like a toddler.  Because I want to just sit down and cross my arms and pout.  Big pouty pouty face.

Work Fail

I have a coworker who is a bit of an exacting asshole who loves to jump on other mistakes and fly them like flags. I am also in a position to support him with administrative assistance, so often I am in a position to do things for him. But he is very exacting while still being resistant to offering help in any way like not even feeling obligated to give me the full and correct information on something. I feel it is not shocking that this leads to me screwing up. I screwed up a few weeks ago when I ordered letterhead.

I mean, I thought it was ok from the PDF proof and the communication to help me read it and approve it. I thought it was ok. I could've gotten a paper proof, but it would've added another week onto the production time, and this coworker was already breathing fire that this letterhead was a month too late. So I thought it was ok, as best as I could tell, and I opted for speed instead of total surety. And that seems to have been the wrong choice. The letterhead is wrong. It is too small and printed in not exactly the right place and looks overall kinda weird.

This is the second time I have made a major purchase for his division and something went majorly wrong. This is the second time the catalyst has been the pressure and even the voice raising (not quite to yelling) that he has done to me about what I am ordering.

When I have done orders like this for other divisions, there have been no mistakes in the year I have been there. I have taken a lot longer time (well, just the time needed to insure it is done right), and no one has yelled at me or put crazy undue pressure. Well not entirely true. My boss yells but only because he doesn't realize how loud his voice is, and I will yell right back and then he quiets down, apologizes, and shapes up. But shocking, letting me do my job allows me to do my job, who knew?!

Anyway, the discovery of said fail just ruined what had been a good morning. Awesome! Thanks Douchey McDoucheface.

Weekends

I am liking them more and more. They used to be exhausting and often rather disastery (which is to be expected when you either go out until all hours in the morning or stay home and worry about someone else out until all hours of the morning and then sleep away all the day parts of them).

This weekend was full of friends and shows and fun. Friday night was Legally Blonde the musical which was AWESOME! And WAY fun!!! Saturday was costco trip and friends and bad movies and then a autobiographical monologue show starring other friends. Sunday was rehearsal and then a little cuddle time with the boyfriend and then running into random friends on the street and then dinner with my roommate. We had steak and this cucumber, greek yogurt, mint dip that she makes (she is Persian) and green beans and then we ate ice cream straight out of the pint and watched another bad movie (this one was worse than the other, a seriously terrible rom com that is the reason the genre has a bad name--actually it was pretty funny how I kept calling out exactly what was about to happen with a 97% success rate and I had never seen it before). It was great!

Tomorrow night is show time! We open another ep of the ville. And I have people's coming.

I hate Maxi Dresses

For real. I just don't like them if they fall longer than mid calf. They are ok falling that length, comfy and cozy, perhaps longish but whatevs, summer appropriate and sometimes what you need. I HATE full length eat your feet maxi dresses. They look awful and mumu and caftan-y (not in a good way) on almost everyone. I mean they aren't even that flattering a look for Uma Freaking Thurman and she is 19 feet tall with all the boobs and curves a woman could hope for. About the only people they look mildly flattering on are anorexic models who need the extra pounds they add if only to look less like a corpse.

Just seen a lot of them around Chicago lately and would like my displeasure to be felt.

Other than that, I got nothing. Well except this, the June episode of the Ville is going to be really good! Lots happening, people being funny, good sad serious stuff. Just all around good. People seem to be really nailing it, so if you will be in Chicago on a Monday in June, you should come out and see it.

Long Weekend

It was also a trying one. My decision turned out to be even harder than I thought that it would be, and I already knew it was really, really hard. Then Sam was being difficult and I wasn't sure why, but we ended up talking it out, and I think we both understand each other better, and he still isn't drinking, so that is good.

I am back at my apartment watching "The Way We Were" as Azar makes a collage. She has never seen it, but I think she will love it. (Right now she is squealing and covering her eyes because Hubble has gone home with Katie and it is only the first half an hour)

This week will see me falling back into my life's routine. It will also see me stopping work on the novel. I just have had too much stress and insanity in my life to keep it up and the deadline is just stressing me out, and I am stressed out enough without it. It is there on my computer, if I want to work on it, I can. I just am off the program. I will NaNoWriMo this November, and call it good.

This is weird

But, I know that this is something that I am going to have on my mind for the next few weeks if not months, so I know I will want to be able to talk about it here, so I have to acknowledge it here even if this is kind of uncomfortable for me.

 

In the past I have acknowledged that Sam and I have been going through some rough patches.  It has been now the better part of the year that we have been in and out of rough patches.  I know now (and have known for some time but not the whole time) that they are due to the fact that Sam is an alcoholic.  He hasn't quite gotten to the point where he has or even can acknowledge the full power of what that means to himself.  He has said he thinks he is one, but I don't think that he has let himself really wrap his brain or life around that, right now he mostly considers it a "symptom" of his anxiety disorder.  At times he does better with it than others, and he is definitely a functioning alcoholic when it comes to work, but when it comes to his home life (and my home life) he is way less functioning.  He has never hit me or done anything that extreme to me other than just generally being a jerk to me when he is drunk and having no recollection of it while sober.  This week, it got the better of me.  I finally had enough of his shitty behavior and how crappy it was making my life, and I decided that if I want my life better I need to quit moping and take action, so I have.

 

For those of you with pits in their stomachs, Sam and I have not broken up nor do I have intentions of doing that.  While I still have my own apartment, I am moving there.  Tonight I drive a zipcar load back home, and I will be staying there at least until my roommate gets back from her summer vacay in Iran near the end of July.  It solves the problem of who will look after my house while she is gone, and gives Sam the opportunity to shape up.  I will not be staying at his house, although I will go there to visit my cat (who is staying with Sam).  Sam is welcome to stay at my place although he has a curfew to avoid late night drunken insanity of the variety that has of late been making my life crappy.  Along with the cat, some of my stuff will still stay at Sam's because I don't intend this a permanent move.  Although, if Sam does not use this opportunity to get his shit in order, there is the ominous (and I hope unecessary) possibilty that it is a permanent move.  I really, really hope not.  But Sam the alcoholic has the very classic alcoholic history of fixing things just enough to get himself out of trouble but not enough to lead to him having to give up too much of what he wants.  I did also make a condition of my returning to his apartment that he must either attend start attending AA or make a full disclosure of his drinking and the problems it has caused in his life to his psychologist who he mostly has been not bothering to tell about it while being on medicine for an anxiety disorder that totally is sabotaged by alcohol.

 

Like I said, this will be on my mind for the next weeks and months.  I am on the one hand happy about it because I really am optimistic that it will put us on the path to real change, but on the other hand quite sad because it is kind of a heart wrenching thing to be doing and just a generally awful circumstance to find myself in.  I really wish we had never had to be here.

 

I am not however a disaster.  I am fine.  I have been much more of a disaster than I am right now when dealing with this earlier.  I do think this is a good step.  Sam and I both plan on attending my brother's wedding over 4th of July, the bitchbarn reunion the next weekend, celebrating my birthday at the end of June, and taking a huge vacation with his family right around the time I am to move back in (if all goes well), so this is definitively not a step towards the end of a relationship so much as a step towards fixing what is broken in it.

no further

I have written no further, instead I was in the grips of a killer cold that made me feel like I was going to die.  Well maybe not so dire, but there was feverish bits and chills and a painful sore throat that turned into a hacking cough and there were rivers and oceans of snot that wasn't terribly technicolor which was nice.  I basically stopped eating since I wasn't hungry, but if hot soup appeard I would drink that because it made the throat feel better.  I think I subsisted for four days off three bowls of soup and some water.  I tried to drink liquids, but I know I wasn't drinking close to enough.  Mostly I fell in and out of sleep on my bed.

 

Which makes today back at work wonderful!  WONDERFUL!  There is sky and the air from outdoors and other people, and I am just so happy to be out and alive--although some of this may be the codeine in my cough suppressant/expectorant talking.  I also have a new doctor who is very exotic and beautiful, and I will be going back to see her for regular phyiscal/check up doctoring (my first since moving to Chicago, I know, I know, shame on me, I know, there were just big chunks of no insurance or insufficient insurance or no ability to pay the copay or take the time off to go to the doctor, so please don't tell me socialized medicine would be awful because it would make many people's lives so much easier but whatever).  Did I mention codeine?  Ok, so I am not really taking as much codeine as I am making it sound.  I take a teaspoonful and then like later by many hours (often more than the label says) I take another when I start coughing again, and the label says I could take two teaspoonfuls if I want which I did last night to help get to sleep.

 

I seriously have not had a cold like that in so long I cannot remember.  Seriously it was ickariffic.  A term I have no coined for bad colds.

 

Back to rehearsal and some writing tonight.  Tomorrow night and Friday will be heavy writing nights as well.  Basically I must become instantly very effficient at finding time to write as I am about halfway to what I should be by the end of the week (as in should be at 15k and am at 7250).

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Well that is a little better. I guess, a little less in the whole for this week. I will keep things posted.

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I have been so sick today. My throat hurts so badly. It just hurts like right where a choker would go and I am drinking cough syrup (well not really, really using it as directed on the label) and eating the occasional cough drop and drinking hot liquids and sleeping a lot while everyone else went sailing. But I am trying to get some words in tonight even though it is not likely I will stay on goal target, but I will get back on goal target soon. I know I will. Tomorrow has a good chunk of time devoted to typing/novelling.

New Modern Wing of the Art Institute of Chicago

It is a truly gorgeous space.  It feels like you are in a piece of art, or more like a generous, glorious frame.  The views are gorgeous, and along the side of the building that has the truly amazing ones overlooking Millenium Park, they have done a good job of staging art that seems to be complimented by it.  A lot of the stuff are old favorites from the collection which is nice (good to see the Picassos and the Pollock and the Chagall's and the Braques and all that and the Joan Miro and my favorite Spanish Dancer painting, oh and the candy pile that makes me sad and want to take a piece but I never do now that I know it symbolizes the death of the lover it is in memorial to), but other things are new or at least much less exhibited than the ones I listed above.

 

A video installation called "Clown Torture" which is so bizarre and so hilarious, made more hilarious by the many, many people who either clearly don't get it, just don't like it, or are scared of clowns.  It just made me laugh and laugh.  A giant fallen log made from a cast of a giant fallen log that was then carved in a different kind of wood, creepy lynching wallpaper room, and the room chock full of Joseph Cornell boxes were some of my favorites.  I bet I will go back to that room over and over because I feel like those boxes will reveal new things each time.  They are so beautiful but so lonely.

 

 

6644

So I wrote some more last night, just not a ton more.  I fear for this book, it is clearly on the path to not working as well as it should because we still haven't seen hide nor hair of the hero.  Whoops!  But I toy with two things, holding out hope that the book itself has a story salvageable from some of the filler that is being written and probably will continue to get written (thanks deadline) or the possibility of making it a romance novel where you meet ther hero as late as possible (which would be a very clear this book's plot will self destruct in ___ pages).  Although the second choice may be harder than just writing the dang thing and plugging forward.  I won't be writing today as I have a very full day, but I intend to bust at least a couple hundred to a couple thousand words out Saturday morning, and then I will have my three hour writing marathon on Sunday night to look forward to.

 

 

I kepp forgetting things

I put on a windbreaker over my lightweight sweater today feeling that would be sufficient to get to work warmly enough and light enough to cram into my bag on the way to rehearsal after work.  However, I realized AT work, that I had put my windbreaker on inside out.

 

Yes, yes I did this.

 

In my defense it is almost the exact same color red on the inside and on the outside, plus equally shiny.  It also is a fashion windbreaker rather than a sporty one, so it has no bungess, pockets, or random cordy-lumpy-sticky-outy things on it.  Just a little like ruching detail that isn't terribly bumpy.  So I walked to the bus stop, by many people, stood at bus stop on Michigan freaking Avenue with many people, and got onto fairly full bus (you know full of people) and no one mentioned that perhaps my coat was on wrong.  It seems wistful to hope that no one noticed.

 

Such is my life.

Oh, and Twitter

There is this guy I follow (not sure why back from my early days) who has been leaving an alarming number of tweets about his divorce.  LIke about signing the papers and taking off his ring, and I don't know him, and he is leaving them on a page that also mostly pimps the company he seems to co-own, and it makes me uncomfortable, plus he has like 4800 followers, so that seems like not something you should do.  AT ALL.  It has been creeping me out for more than a week, so I just unfollowed him.  Phew.

I am so squidgy

I am now.  I didn't used to be.  Or at least I am much more squidgy about things like buses and crazy neighborhoods now that I am so used to living in much more tony neighborhoods.  I think it is in part, that Sam's neighborhood is full of eyes at all times because every other building has a doorman and so do all the hotels, often more than one doorman.  They are standing or sitting and often looking out and around, and the hotel guys usually nod or say hello.  I have become accustomed this, so when I am in neighborhoods without the doormen at each building, I get squidgy.  Back in the day I lived in the neighborhoods I get squidgy about.  Now, I like to think I was aware and stayed reasonably safe.  Well I was fine, so I did stay safe, but I tried to avoid doing things that were really risky and even took longer routes home as needed depending on the time of day.

 

Last night I was on the Sheridan bus fairly late and found myself being extra squidgy.  I mean there was a dude on the bus who deserved squidginess, but nothing else did.  I even knew it was ridiculous, but there I was getting weird in my old age.  Sigh.  What to do.

 

Anyway, Sunday was a day full of house cleaning and rehearsal and Star Trek (which was GREAT and you should go see it, totally fun), and yesterday was full of work and rehearsal.  Rehearsal that was full of real acting.  Like REAL acting, like I haven't done in forever.  I have been just off as Alex lately, and I don't know why, like I think I am pitching strikes right at the catcher, but these pitches are going totally wild every time.  However, last nights rehearsal really helped a lot, and I just have to do some homework with myself and be a good actor.  Side note, it was also a good rehearsal because the director and I have now worked together enough that we just get eachother's process, so we can just lay things out and be honest and not need to get all angsty examining things--one of the best things about working on a project this long!

6035 and not even midnight

Well, I hit a roll and found not only the 5000 I needed for the week's goal, but am a day and some ahead before next week has even technically started. I intend to wake up and work on it a bit tomorrow before rehearsal, and then hope to steal some time with it over the week around rehearsals. I am probably going to need to take the laptop to work a few times, to type away at lunch and maybe even on longer bus and train rides. Oooh, I will feel so important novelizing on public transportation.

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So I just thought I was twice as far along as I really was. That is awesome, so I have two hours to get 613 words or I fail at my first deadline, and I am so letting myself be distracted by IM's with Chrissy who helped the cause by knowing the word syllabus!

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I have resorted to bad cliche and minute descriptions in order to put more words to my count. Although more and more odd people are beginning to populate the setting, my hometown not in any way concealed or veiled.

Whatevs, I have a hard enough time keeping the geography straight in real places much less fake ones, and this is a practice novel, just to get it done and accomplished and hid under the bed for all eternity if not ceremoniously burned. Anyways, I am going to stop for right now. Watch some Gray's Anatomy 100th episode, and maybe go back to it later tonight and certainly tomorrow morning. I may also bust out the help book Sally sent me for ideas on how to power through this slump or rather challenge, this challenge. At least I am close to where I should be today, and tomorrow's numbers are doable.

Ok, so I didn't write anything again last night

But I had a very full evening of driving all over Chicago to pick up my crew to go see 500 Clown MacBeth which I have seen before and totally love.  Sam, Jamie, and Chris went with me.  Jamie has seen their Christmas show live and this show on DVD, Chris has seen it on DVD, and Sam has nothing of theirs, so it was exciting to watch it with newbies.  It was awesome as it always is with the first half making me laugh so hard that my face hurt before the show itself devolves into serious moments that make me hold my breath and then lose some tears.  But it took up my whole evening, so no writing. 

 

Tonight however, there is a different agenda.  Tonight I am shooting for at least 1,000 words and another 1,500 tomorrow which means I meet my weekly goal.  Sunday is pretty jam packed, so I am secretly trying to double that amount for each day in order to pad for next week when I will have limited time because of rehearsals and because I am giving up my usual 3 hour Sunday writing window to go see Star Trek with people.

 

Also I walked all the way to work today.  1.8 miles broken up by a short trip into Dominick's to buy dessert for today's work luncheon.  It was a lovely walk, and I took a little detour through the Lurie Garden in Millenium Park which was cool, lovely, and brimming with Spring flowers this morning.  A wonderful start to the day!

Just odds and ends

I didn't write any yesterday, instead I went to bed early because I was very tired, but I am very glad to be welcoming Jim into the 5k a week for 10 weeks club.  He is at http://livewriteordei.wordpress.com so please help me encourage him on.

 

I really, really, really, really REALLY want an Amazon Kindle 2.  I check on it online every couple of days, and it is still really expensive, and I should start saving up for it now.  Although I have a $30 Amazon gift certificate, so that only leaves me like $329 dollars short.  Which you know is only a ridiculous chunk of my monthly paycheck, so whatever you know?  Plus we are saving up for a next generation TiVo box, so we can have dual tuner capabilities, more storage space, the ability to watch netflix on demand through it, and so we can put one in the bed room so Sam never misses an episode of friends ever and can watch some of them from bed as he falls asleep.  But when that has been purchased (as we are almost there on that one), I will start saving up for a Kindle.  Unless I get one for my birthday.  I did ask for one, but it is one of those presents that I feel bad asking for because they are quite expensive, and even if I would LOVE having one, I would feel bad getting one as a gift because they are expensive.  So we shall see.  Maybe I will just ask for an Amazon gift certificate that I will just apply to my Kindle purchase, maybe I will ask my family for those too?!  Then I would be very close to the end goal.  This may be the way to go.

 

Seeing 500 Clown MacBeth tonight with Chris, Jamie, and Sam.  It should be fun since it will be everyone else's first time seeing it live (Jamie and Chris have seen tapes of it).  I am way excited.

 

Last night I kind of live twitterd "Criminal Minds" because it had a few glaring factual errors.  They went to Bend, Oregon to solve a series of murders by car (or rather big truck) and it used as a set piece one if not two multi-story parking garages.  At this point I called bullshit because although a similar size east coast or even midwest town might have a parking garage or two at a hospital or a downtown area, Bend is in the middle of almost nothing and therefore, they pave, they don't build.  They might have one in the whole town, but I seriously doubt it, and they do not have two.  My twitter network seemed to confirm this.  They did pronounce Oregon correctly, but they also seemed to think the commute from Eugene to Bend would be something people may do for work which I again call bull shit as that would be around a 5 1/2 to 6 hour round trip.  Yeah they probably head to Eugene for shopping and things every once in a while but not terribly frequently.  I will give them the 8+ hour drive back from Napa Valley as an every once in a while thing, but that barely I give them.  It was just bugging me.  I hate it when they get things super wrong about the Pacific Northwest, although last season they did a decent job faking the Spokane area, so I will give them that.

New other blog post and a thing

http://www.barebonedtheatre.org/villeblog.html is the link to the second blog post for the Ville. 

 

The thing:  I am really overwhelmed and hugely excited by how helpful and supportive my blogosphere types have been to project novel that has barely just begun.  Seriously, you guys are wonderful and I really appreciate all your input in the comments!  Thank you, thank all of you so much.

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And I had to take a break today. I wrote nothing more yesterday because I had to go to the Ville and I was lazy after work and before bed. All I wanted was some How I Met Your Mother and sleep which is what I did. I was hoping to get to 2860 before the end of the day, and I just realized that I was much closer to that than I imagined. 170 more before the end of today totally possible. Also hoping to have taco salad for dinner tonight, and I should start cooking that soon.

Looking forward to Friday

Because as it stands I get it all to myself. From the moment I get home, it will be just me until probably lateish. I forsee an evening of novel writing, cat cuddling, and movie watching. Sam will be out with his coworkers at an employee event.

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Lots of writing tonight while Sam played piano at the bar. Hopefully I will stay ahead of the curve. That is my goal for all ten weeks, so hopefully I will be done before the ten weeks are over.

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And so it begins. I am a couple of paragraphs in and I have no real idea where it is going. Big city girl returns to her old home town due to a death in the family. Other than that, it is wide open!

Taking a break for now. Will be writing more tonight at the restaurant where Sam plays for three hours every Sunday. It seems that will be some prime writing time.

I will keep you all posted.

My mother and the email

My mother cannot remember my email address to save her soul. This was understandable back when I primarily used my hotmail address because it consisted of a series of kind of nonsense-y words some of which were spelled with numbers. There was really no hope that she would be able to remember it ever, and it was even kind of a stretch for her to write it down correctly.

About a year and a half ago I made the switch away from hotmail to another free internet email provider and I simplified and professionalized my email address. It is now resume friendly. It is my first name . my last name at (newprovider).com.

My mother gave me my first name, and I think she is aware of what it is, and we actually share the same last name, so there shouldn't be any spelling misunderstandings. And I have had the, "Now what is your email conversation again?" with her every few months for that entire time. At no point has it ever gotten shorter, like at no point has she gone, "Oh, oh yes, I know that one. OK."

Every. single. time. She asks, so it is heather? What? Oh ok. Wait, what does dot mean? Oh a dot is a period. Ok. Yeah. Then she will say it to me and it will be wrong. Now when my mother calls and I start to say my email address, Sam collapses into giggles and must leave the room because he finds it so seriously hilarious. I cannot fathom how she cannot remember it or for the love of god at least save it to her address book